BrycesmommyAugust 11, 2005

Hi everyone. I have some news...I wasn't sure how to take it at first but after some long talks I'm sure we'll be o.k....We found out that we are expecting another baby.

Before Bryce passed away we talked about having another baby but after his accident I swore I wouldn't have another one out of fear of something happening again. I couldn't bear the thought of losing another child.

But in the last couple months my husband & I have grown very close (closer than we ever have been). We just developed a totally different connection then we've ever had..I believe it was with the help of Bryce's love & our love for him that got us here. We are always going to have hard times but we are able to be there for each other. If I didn't have him I don't think I would have been able to get through any of this.

This wasn't planned so we believe that it was meant to be & will be another blessing..Just like Bryce was & always will be to us. When we found out it felt like Bryce was everywhere with us. It felt like he was telling us we'd be o.k & that he's alright.

I'm just scared that people will think we are having this baby to replace Bryce but that could NEVER happen. He'll always be with us in our hearts for the rest of our life. And he will always be a part of our lives. His new brother or sister will know everything about him & have him as a part of their life too. Even though this child will never meet him physically, I know he will be in their heart forever.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate hearing some.

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Congratulations; a blessing is right! No baby could replace another since every person is different from another. If you accept this baby and love it just like the person they are, you're not replacing Bryce, you're loving them for who they are. And you're not turning your back on him or leaving him behind, he'll always always be a part of who you are. So, don't worry about what other people think. Sure, there's always going to be someone who has something to say they shouldn't. What do you believe? That's what matters. Last, you can't control this whole universe. Something may or may not happen to this baby, but it's not because of anything you did or didn't do. Bryce didn't have this happen to him because of lack on your part, it just was what it was. You're a good parent and another child is going to be blessed to have you as a parent.

Take care and my best baby wishes to you.

    Bookmark   August 11, 2005 at 9:15AM
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Congratulations to you both. This little one will be very special, Bryce's baby brother or sister, and will bring his or her own joys and also help to ease the pain of your loss. I can understand something of how you feel. About the same time we found out that my son Glenn was dying, we also found out that my other son Brendan was to become a daddy for the first time. I had such a difficult time being happy for Brendan but at the same time feeling as though I was being asked to trade an unknown for my beloved son. In my heart I knew that by the time the baby was born, Glenn would be gone.
Lachlan was born in May, nearly 8 weeks after Glenn died in March. He was born 4 weeks early and very healthy. I honestly think Glenn knew that our family and especially his brother needed some happiness and arranged an early delivery. Part of me wanted the baby to be a girl so that there was no comparison. I was also a torn between wanting to see resemblances with Glenn and not wanting to see them.He does not look at all like Glenn but does have the same beautiful blue eyes. I also didn't want people to think that the birth of Lachlan would make us grieve less for Glenn - that is not possible - and at times did get angry when anyone made comments which were meant to be comforting in that way.

Anyway, the lovely thing is that we have a beautiful new little fellow who is completely his own person to cuddle and love and tell stories about his Uncle Glenn. He is 12 weeks old now and I can honestly say that tonight, after an afternoon of babysitting and then watching the smile on my Brendan's face as he cuddled his son did my heart the world of good. I will mourn for Glenn and miss him for the rest of my life but I know that he will watch over this little boy always as well as his own little son.
I am sure that your feelings will be mixed at times but the closeness you and your husband have now and the love you have for Bryce can be shared with your new child in this lovely new adventure. You all deserve this happiness. Elspeth

    Bookmark   August 11, 2005 at 10:00AM
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I felt your extreme agony when you first posted here and was always glad when you "checked in." Then I saw you post in response to someone else's loss. That was good. I know you still have a heartache which will never end, but you have carried on so bravely. I admire you for that.

Brycesmommy, I cannot think of any advice I would give you. You just seem to have the right attitude and a healthy approach to this turn of events in your life. You are adding to your family, not replacing your dear Bryce. I'm very, very happy for you and your husband.


    Bookmark   August 11, 2005 at 10:53AM
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Hi All. Thanks for your words. Every bit of them help. Having this site to come to since the death of Bryce has helped me alot of the past 14 months.

Rob- You couldn't have said what you said any better..Thanks so much. You are right that it shouldn't matter what other people think. It's how we feel. I know that we cannot always control what happens in our lives & everything happens for a reason but the thought of going through the pain over again was devastating. I have learned now that life is short & all we can do is live it to the fullest. I'll just do all I can to make my family happy & have a good life for the time we are here.

Elspeth- Thank you for your words as well & for your story. I'm sorry to hear about Glenn. There's no doubt that he had a part in the safe delivery of the baby. He wouldn't want to see his loved ones sad so I'm sure that helped ease the pain. Of course there's always going to be the heart ache but at least you were blessed with a new wonderful life. Thanks again..Your story made me feel better & more comfortable with the idea.

Susan- Thank you so much for what you said. Every word means alot. Coming here definitely changed my attitude from when this all began...I am trying to have a good attitude about everything in my life now. That's what Bryce would want & I know he's with me all the time. I want him to see me happy. Of course there are still days where I feel helpless..That won't ever go away but they aren't as bad or as frequent. He'll always be a part of our lives. He's the first thing I think of when I wake up & when I go to sleep.

Thank You All!

    Bookmark   August 12, 2005 at 3:15AM
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Congratulations! I think that is wonderful news. All the best to you.

    Bookmark   August 12, 2005 at 10:15PM
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Congratulations!!! i just knew when i read the title, what your news was going to be!!! YEAH!!! so happy for you, and glad you are doing much better, was really worried about you!!! when are you due????? and no advise for you, but know that Bryce is watching over you and your little one!!!

    Bookmark   August 12, 2005 at 10:38PM
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Congratulations! This is defintely a blessing! Please don't worry about what other people will think. This is your life, not theirs, and the fact that you are expecting a child is something to be proud of. Just remember that Bryce is with you and this was definitely "meant to be".
Once again, congrats, and best wishes with everything!

    Bookmark   August 12, 2005 at 11:04PM
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Thanks for your messages...I am due on April 10. I do feel it's a blessing now. I know there are going to be difficult times. And I wish more than anything that Bryce was here to share this with us. I know he will always be here but I miss hugging & kissing him. I have definitely felt him in my heart & I know that he's happy too. I know it will all be ok. Thanks again & I'll keep in touch!

    Bookmark   August 12, 2005 at 11:41PM
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Congratulations on your wonderful news! I echo what everone else has said. I think it's wonderful that you are embracing this wonderful new blessing in your life while at the same time, taking this opportunity to see how it all fits together so well - with you and your husband growing so close, and feeling Bryce with you through this. You deserve to have this new miracle, someone to cuddle and care for. And Bryce will be so proud of you in Heaven, I picture him bragging about you!
I just wanted to share that my second son, Mitchell was born premature at 6 months gestation and did not survive. This was 9 years ago. We had our third son 2 years later. Although Mitchell did not live for me to take home and care for, I too had mixed emotions about having another baby. I remember crying the night we decided to try to have another baby. I felt like I was letting go of him or something. I was so scared the whole pregnancy. I feel like I really did not bond with my 3rd son well until after 30 weeks, when my Dr. said he could be born now and survive and be healthy. But my little son turned out to be such a joy. And I view it as God allowed Mitchell to come too early and die, but since children are a blessing from God, he allowed me to have another one to keep. I named my new baby son, after Mitchell, meaning they share the same middle name. I have since had a daughter too and have realized that they all are such miracles and blessings. They have a sibling in Heaven. I'll long for my sweet Mitchell for the rest of my life and wonder what it would have been like to have him in our busy family. But I cannot imagine not having my two children that were born after him!
Enjoy this pregnancy. I wish you and your husband the best.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2005 at 5:05PM
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Congratulations! I know this new little life coming into your family will bring you such joy. Most likely there will be times when he or she will do things that will remind you of Bryce, but I'm sure that will bring happy memories. The love you will have for your new little one will be unaffected by the love you had and will always have for Bryce, cuz I truly believe that old saying, "Love doesn't divide, it multiplies!" Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and keep us posted.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2005 at 5:31PM
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What a BLESSING! Congratulations! Please keep us posted!
I believe that this new baby will have already met Bryce before he or she comes into this world. Bryce is probably so happy for you and your husband to have another baby to share your love with and he knows that the love that you have for him will never ever go away.
Keep us posted!

    Bookmark   August 13, 2005 at 6:00PM
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What wonderful news! I'll look forward to reading posts about your happy pregnancy.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2005 at 11:31AM
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I just got back from vacation and read your happy news. I have tears in my eyes. It's so obvious from everything you've written and the way you've reached out to others that you are such a good person and such a good mom. I'm so glad those talents will benefit another little person. Our granddaughter Sarah was born just 2 weeks before our son Dave and our granddaughter Millie were killed. Sarah can in no way take Mille's place, but she is her own little person, and our lives are so much richer because of her. Your new baby will enrich your lives as well, and he/she will enhance your love for Bryce as well. Do keep us posted...we all love you!

    Bookmark   August 16, 2005 at 11:49PM
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That's wonderful!! I agree with Lu...Bryce is in on this. In fact, when your new baby is old enough to talk, I wouldn't be surprised if he or she is aware of a loving big brother on some level. Maybe not, but don't be surprised...

And please do not give one more thought to what people will think. First of all, what people think never matters, and I mean that. But secondly, I'm certain everyone will be happy for you, as I am.


    Bookmark   August 19, 2005 at 8:02AM
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Please know your post made my day! I am so happy for you and your husband. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful news.

    Bookmark   August 19, 2005 at 6:11PM
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I love the name Elspeth. It's my daughter's middle name.

When my brother passed away some years ago, it was very hard on my parents. They wanted to have another baby but it was impssible at the time. Then my son came along 6 years later and made the world of difference to us all. We didn't stop grieving for my brother, but we had someone else to make us smile.

People can be very cruel when they mean to be kind. Don't let anyone bother you with this new baby. Obviously it was meant to be! Enjoy and share everything with your baby. We did, and my children still refer to my brother as 'uncle' even though they never met.

    Bookmark   August 22, 2005 at 2:19PM
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Annette Holbrook

I just happened upon this site, and haven't ever posted here but wanted to say Congratulations. I thought I could give a view from the other end. My parents lost a baby in 1963. My older brother was just 4 yrs old and vaguely remembers it. I came along in 1965. Anyway, I never met Phillip, but he is still my brother and have always thought of myself as someone with 2 big brothers regardless of the fact that Phillip was gone before I came along. I am now 40 yrs old with 2 children of my own. My 14yr old son's middle name is Phillip. We recently were working on a family tree type project and had to put in the "facts" sheet if he was named for anyone. I know I've told him where his middle name came from but I guess it never registered. So I told him the history to which he replied "Cool, so I'm named after Uncle Phillip". So I just want you to know that Bryce will be forever a part of you and your family and I'm sure your new baby will be every bit aware of his/her big brother as I always have been of mine.
Good luck and best wishes,

    Bookmark   August 23, 2005 at 11:06AM
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Thank you all for your kind words. Definitely makes me feel better. We just got home from taking a trip for 2 weeks alone together. It was nice & much needed. But back to work again for both of us. Anyway, I'll keep you all posted!

    Bookmark   September 1, 2005 at 9:26PM
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Awww....when I saw the title of your post I was hoping that that was what your news was! I agree you sound like a wonderful mom. Any child would be blessed to have you!

Good luck to you and your husband and esp. to that little sweet baby to be! Take care of yourself now,girl,and take those prenatals! LOL ((Brycesmommy))

    Bookmark   September 2, 2005 at 3:55AM
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