I want my mom

veesolonelyAugust 2, 2007

Well I'm going to try this out. Lets see how it goes.

Here are the facts:

My mom died on April 19th, 2007. It is hard for me to even write that.

She had breast cancer and was in the Hospice of the Western Reserve. I saw her die there. I don't want to get into the details because I dont want to relive them. I'm having a really hard time accepting that she is even gone.

I just kind of push everything away and deal with other things. I'm in law school and I pushed my finals back until well.. now. i have a final tomorrow morning that I'm not even really studying for and another on Monday. When I cry about my mom it comes out in bursts because i just suppress my feelings. I have had the same boyfriend for about 4.5 years. he goes to medical school in poland. I cheated on him with a guy from my study abroad program. I dont even feel bad. at all. The guy was supposed to come see me on friday and he isnt anymore. i dont know if im more upset that im not getting laid or that im scared he doesnt like me. and i feel like that is what pushed me over the edge today. ha and what i immediately thought about is that i need a new guy to screw while i wait for the other to come. all i thing about is sex and keeping busy. damn i wish he was coming friday.

i dont know what my problem is. i have a box with a lot of stuff that reminds me of my mom. like scraps of paper with her hand writing on it, perfume, books she gave me. i cried uncontrollably over it for a long time today. that is just not typically something i would do.

i dont want to deal with this. i dont want it to have happened. i'm 22. it just isnt fair. i dont believe in god i dont think. i used to believe in ghosts. when my mom was sick i trie to hold pujas and pray but it did nothing. and now that she is "gone." i have been wanting her to send me a sign or anything. just say my name and i get nothing. i dont believe in anything anymore.

i called her cell phone today maybe in the hope that i woudl just hear her voice. just one time. or maybe just her voicemail message. they gave her cell phone to some other person. like she had never had it at all. i was really upset by that.

i have 3 sisters. i would never tell them this stuff. i just dont want to talk about it with them. i dont really tell my friends either. i'll talk a little but not much.

that is my story. i feel like its a fuked up dream. sometimes i wish my mom would come to me in my dreams but it hasnt happened. i have only dreamed about her once since and it wasn't really her... hard to explain.

im really not insane most of the time. i hate acting like this. i can usually stay in denial pretty well. i really fell apart today. im going to get to bed adn see if i can wake up and study at least a little.

ok- i thikn im tucked in denial now. at least so i can go to sleep. i hope that guy calls. i'll wait to hear back if anyone reads this thing...


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I'm so sorry you lost your mom. I lost mine in February and know how you feel. My mom had colon cancer and dimentia. What you are feeling, in my opinion, is normal. You have to let yourself grieve in your own way and at your own pace. Many things happen when you loose someone in your family. The entire core is changed. Family relationships change drastically. Give yourself time and do it your way. Good luck and I'm thinking of you.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2007 at 8:43AM
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I am so sorry about the loss of your Mom, please accept my condolences. I have to agree with everything mariend said especially when she said that God loves you, if you ask him for help he will comfort you, you just have to be open to his love. Please try to find someone to talk with and maybe even cry with you, you can't do this alone, I know.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2007 at 8:01PM
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I'm glad you shared your grief. You are young to have lost your dear mother. It just doesn't seem right.

Cheating on your boyfriend won't help. Try to keep focused on your studies. Cry all you want, treat yourself well (take long warm baths, go for walks, listen to your favorite music, whatever you enjoy). You should try to talk to friends and your sisters. Your sisters are probably experiencing the same thing you are, and it really, really helps to talk even if you think you don't feel like it.

Take care. Post back and let us know how you are doing.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2007 at 11:17PM
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Hey- i came across this posting pretty randomly. my mother died on july 19th 2007 from breast cancer too. I am 23 and still trying to finish college because of all of this. please get back to me because it sounds like we could help each other through this. It's pretty strange that this happened to the both of us on the same day because of the same cancer.

    Bookmark   August 9, 2007 at 6:52PM
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hey kris719 my email is vicmullins@gmail.com if you want to talk it might help. im feeling really down today. broke up w/ boyfriend. im just feeling low so if you want to talk just email me.

    Bookmark   August 21, 2007 at 5:48PM
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my mom died when i was 20, i am 40 now, she was an alcoholic and i really didn't have a relationship with her, she was really mad at me when she died, we never got to make up. i have missed her terribly, and there is such a huge void not having a mom to help me grow, learn, guide, talk about anything.....everything...i hate that book "are you my mother?" by doctor Seuss, it makes me cry so hard. i can so relate to the little drummer boy's anger/sadness. i dont think i will ever stop missing my mom, but i do know that i stalled my growth by not grieving, if i don't grieve frequently i notice the longer my depressive episodes last. i miss my mom. when i am scared, i say that. when i am unsure about what to do with my kids, again out loud i might cry and say 'i miss my mom'. for the first time in my life at the age of 40 now when i feel alone i realize that its not that i am needy for my boyfriend or my friends..... its cause i miss my mom. that wont ever change and the more honest i am with myself about that the more whole i start to feel.

    Bookmark   August 27, 2007 at 11:19PM
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WOW - what a thread. I lost my Mom to BC - twice, and then bone and liver. The bone cancer was the worst because the calcium deposits in her brain caused by the cancer wrecked her mental capacity. She was a very strong woman - single parent when divorce was considered a very bad thing and had to be the fault of the wife. I think all of that stress caused the cancer because no one in my family EVER had cancer before her. She was a nurse and a dedicated one at that - tops in her field (college health) and was even president of several associations. She even started one on her own.

Mom died in 92, and then my daughter died, 2 years later. It doesn't feel like yesterday anymore, thank goodness. But a lot has happened in my life since they left this world, and they aren't here to share with. That's the worst!! I'm 53, 54 in January, and I still want my Mom. BUT, I'm so in a better place now. Even though I still have pangs and want to pick up the phone and call my mother to tell her something - almost daily, I have found that my ability to cope is so much better now. I also know where they are, and I believe that one day I'll see them again. I'm not as active in my faith as I think I should be - I once was, but I guess I fell off the wagon. But my faith is strong and as another poster mentioned, you can't do this alone - faith and prayer are so key. God is truly with each of us.

To the original poster, please stay focused and allow God to guide you. Religion is one thing, but if nothing else is working for you, please open your heart to allow God's love to help you. There is so much I want to say to you, but it's a little late for me and my thoughts are a little fuzzy. I'll try to touch back here to see how you are doing. Take advantage of the offer from the other student - thanks for that. If you can, speak to your counselors at school or the even the medical staff. I know that my Mom helped a lot of students through some pretty rough times - some as simple as homesickness, and others with situations similar to yours (boy she was super at her job - I even remember some cases) The ones at your school may be able to help you.

If you feel like venting, it's OK to do it here. Some of your words were pretty emotional - that's OK too. We all here will understand better than a one or two-night stand boyfriend. Years from now when things have calmed down somewhat, you will be thankfull you kept your wits. Grieve yes, but also remain who you are. That's very important. Listen to your Mom - all the things she talked to you about when she was here and all the things she is telling you now. You may not hear her right now because your emotions are so full. But, she is talking to you - Moms don't stop being Moms, ever.

As I said, I'll check on you later, but sending hugs to all.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2007 at 1:42AM
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July 18th, 2007...the day my mamá died. She was a healthy, active, beautiful 69 year old and she was supposed to live to be 100. She took her vitamins, excercised, read, traveled. Then, one microscopic bacteria attacks, meningoccocal meningitis, septic shock, multiorgan failure. Death came so fast I could not say adiós. One day she is laughing with friends, then she collapses. I saw her hours before she died, she slept, looked fragile, pale, blueish. I flew from the USA to Venezuela overnight red-eye and saw her breath her final breaths with the help of a respirator. In a few hours she went from being so alive, so aware, intelligent, full of LIFE to being a patient on life support. I am very angry now, sad, furious and in despair. I am trying to wake up, to go back to June 22nd, 2007 when I called my parents. My papi was turning 72, life was normal. Everyone was healthy. We always asked ¿Cómo están de salud? But everything was so sudden and fast I never even knew my mom caught a cold. How do we all continue to be a family without the heart, the center, the glue, the everything? I hear that I will feel better and cannot believe it. It is so painful I want to be numb. I feel like someone just ripped a chunk out of my heart, I am bleeding, aching, I can't breath, my body is in pain, my spirit...everything hurts. I just want my mamá back.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2007 at 11:47PM
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i want my mom too. how do you ever get through this. I am 36, my mom passed May 15, 2009 she was 62 years old. I miss her so much, she was my whole life. I have been taking care of her all my life, the past 6-7 months...have been hard she was in and out of the hospital with infections. I still can't come to terms with this. It ca't be true. I keep wanting to call her, we would talk atleat 2-3 times a day and I would see her 1-2 times a day. i miss her so much. It hurts, like my heart is aching, I can't breathe sometimes.

    Bookmark   June 2, 2009 at 12:58PM
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I lost my mother 12/26/2001, I was 29 at the time, she really was my best friend and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. She passed away, at home from Colon Cancer. The first two years after she passed away were terribly hard for me. It does get better. Don't get me wrong, my heart still hurts (sometimes more on certain days than others) I do believe she is with me still. I had someone tell me once that they will come to you when you are ready for them. In the 9 years since she has passed, I have dreamt about her twice and both times we talk and talk and at the end she she says "You know I can't come back with you?" and I always say "I know". Wow I have never put this down into words. You will never ever stop wanting your mother (I haven't) but the pain of the loss lessens.

    Bookmark   April 10, 2010 at 3:34AM
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I just lost my mom on March 3rd 2010. I want her so bad. My baby was only 5 months old when she died and it is her only grand daughter. I so badly wanted her to see my daughter grow. This is all still very fresh. I still can't imagine that she is gone, I feel like her cell phone has just been dead for a long time or something. I can't imagine what I will feel like when it has been over a year since I have talked to her. I shouldn't even think about that. I was so close to my mom, I talked to her for hours everyday. I also have a 13 year old brother that I am so worried about. He in just a month has started to act tough. I also lost my dad in 2001 and this has made me go through the grieving for him all over again. The fact that I am 27 and have lost both parents just doesn't seem fair. But I will say there is something different about losing a mom versus a dad. Or it could be that she was the last one to die and I feel like I needed her for a little longer, to help me learn how to be a good mom myself. I WANT MY MOMMY!

    Bookmark   April 13, 2010 at 8:14PM
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I lost my dad 2 years ago and i just lost my mom 3 weeks ago 3 days after her birthday. im 20 years old and i feel alone in the world, i dont know how to move on, because every time i think about her laying back on the bed haunts me. and after that i really dont care about myself. i barely eat, i have'nt contacted her family because they hated us for no reason, but now im truly bitter. i always stay busy, otherwise i think about that day and that hurts worse than when i got a second-degree burn on my right leg. i dont have a reason to live anymore. i really dont know what to do anymore, how do you cope with this type of life that god has given you? my faith was on shakey groung to begin with so how do i deal now?! she told me in a dream that shes alright now but now im worried about myself and my state of mind. i feel physical pain over this, and for the first time in life, im scared, and i miss her.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2010 at 11:19AM
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awwwwww i want my mommy back too. i am one of 8 kids i had my dad die when i was 22. That sucked but it was nothing like my mom. I loved her sooooooooooooooo much i think i really lost myself when she passed it was only two months ago 12/1/10 it sucks big time. right now i am 27 years old i cry myself to sleep at night cry myself home from work and when i get there i may have a panic attack or two life is real unfair it's odd that after reading about others losing there moms that i have had her in my dreams at least five time already guess that is lucky for me. I feel like it would help if i had any friends that know how i feel cause when they ask me how i am doing i really feel like they want me to lie to them and say oh i am much better now as if it never happen. F um i give them the truth, well i feel like a bomb has been dropped on my life. Like there was a mother duck with eight ducklings walking a long and a hunter felt the need to take a nice little shot gun out and shot the mom. Yeah well then guess i am not taking this so well. i really f ing want my mommy back oh soooooooo bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Bookmark   February 9, 2011 at 3:22AM
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my mom died 12/1/10. someday I will see her again maybe today, maybe tomorrow. She showed me what love is, and I'm impressed with how well a job she did holding all of my brothers and sister together. She taught all her grand children to Love as well. She always made sure we were staying on the right path. She always made sure we had food and water(soda)=). she always made sure we had clothes, and made sure to make every birthday, or wedding, or graduation a special moment for all of us. The hardest part about her death was trying to keep everything she did going. Another hard part about losing a 57 year old mother when your 23 is seeing people with Grey hair that still have mothers. I feel kinda jipped, but than i realize some people never have a good mother like I had. I'm Blessed to have had a mother that showed me love. "Beyond that thought you think, is another"~Samuel Williams

    Bookmark   February 15, 2011 at 6:43PM
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My mom died 12/01/2011, so yeah my mom died 2.5 months ago, I am 21yrs old, my dad was never a father and he died when i was 16yrs old, and i think the most painful thing about this is, if your a young person with dead parents, your a leper, no one wants to talk to you, its like they think death is contagious, and the people that do pitty you and try to talk to you, well i just don't want to talk to them, this loneliness is crunching, the person who has been my biggest friend through all of this is a person i sat next to in my class, we weren't even friends before this, he was just the only kid that gave a crap enough to message me on Facebook and ask me how i was every once and a while, but my friend that i have been friends with for 17years, not a word, wasn't there at the funeral, nothing, i hangout with him at lunch now, and sometimes i really want to say wtf bro?, the only reason I'm even alive right now is because of Jesus, b/c when my mom went to Heaven, you bet i wanted to go with her, but He gives us the Hope and promise of a better tomorrow, and yes i want to be with Jesus and my Mom in Heaven, but there is more to be done here, I lost so much when my Mom went to be with the LORD in Paradise, she was my mom, dad, my best friend, she was the only person i could really talk to, I don't know if i can ever find someone to be that open with, mom :), my favorite holiday is Passover, its such a beautiful day, but I'm kinda dreading it a little this year, b/c i have no one to celebrate it with, God said in Genesis "it is not good for man to be alone" i need my Eve, wow i have said a lot of really personal stuff on here, but i could honestly careless right now, my mom dieing was my biggest fear in life for the past year, and it happened, and when she died it was like all the magic of life died with her, she had a really tough life, and me and her keep planing and trying to get her out of some of the crap she had to live with, and God gave her the deliverance she needed, God is a good father and he took His daughter home to be with Him in paradise, and i am so grateful that he did, i am so grateful that my mom doesn't have to go through the troubles and hardships of life anymore, but i didn't want to loose my mom, i think that's all for now, I'm getting tears on the keyboard, "Weeping may endure for a night,But joy comes in the morning" btw, Rachel, Sam and I are all siblings, there are 8 of us, I am number 8

    Bookmark   February 16, 2011 at 6:22PM
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My Mom passed away 3 weeks ago friday and I am so distraught, I cry everyday, can't imangine this world without her in it, lost my Dad when I was 9, Mom was 30 and never got over that. To say I am sad is a huge understatement...I want my Mommy back :-(
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word....Mommy xo xo

    Bookmark   April 11, 2011 at 8:04PM
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Some times I think I should have said to her when she was with me how much I needed her, loved her wanted her but when you are young you don't know, GOD NOW I KNOW, you would do any thing for a last word, sentiment but no matter how much you want it its not there. So tell your mother, father whoever that you love because it will be the biggest regret of your live if you don't.
So Helen and James Dowdells I LOVE YOU

    Bookmark   July 2, 2011 at 10:17PM
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Hey guys:

I just came across this again... I feel like I've come so far yet, I'm in the same place... Its 2011 for goodness sakes and some days I feel as though it happened yesterday. I would really love to hear from some of you. Please feel free to email me at vicmullins@gmail.com in case you want to talk and I want to write an update on how things have progressed.

Love to you all. Thanks for all the support throughout the years.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2011 at 8:11PM
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hey i lost my mom this june to a rare cancer june 2 of this year and im going through a lot of the same stuff you went through. i dont have the lawschool problem and the cheating and sex, but i do have a little brother that i had to leave behind in indiana and i now live in atlanta with my blood father and im really struggling. any advice you could give me would be great.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2011 at 10:16PM
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I lost my mom this thursday i;e 20th October 2011.Actually she got a heart attack on sunday late night say around 2-2:30am i was totally blank i called my neighbour since we were only two people at home me and my sis and my dad passed away on 26th oct 2007.my neighbour called doctor and he came on time he gave one injection to my mom and one tablet to keep in mouth.after that she was feeling much better but still doctor said to do ECG and sd to keep him updated.my mother changed her clothes and she herself got admitted to hospital.she was admitted to ICU first.say around 9 am our family doctor came and said that she is stable now and out of danger .i was so happy.after 2 days she was shifted to normal ward and doctor sd that now she fine and will get discharged by tomorrow again i was so happy i went to temple and i offered sweets to god and i thanked him for being so kind to us ( my trust towards god has rised so much) daily i use to go temple before going to Hospital.
On 20 th Oct 2011 i followed the same routine i went to temple first and from their i went to Hospital and she was happy that she was getting discharge today.infact she told that she is feeling very hungry even i was happy that she is feeling better.than i served food and she ate 2 chapatis , rice and dal i was very happy.she had her lunch and she was relaxing and after 15-20 mins she was feeling uneasy and she was behaving weierdly i came to know that something is wrong i called nurse and doctors i was chanting gods name and i sd god that it is ur exam if u fail to save my mom i will never visit ur temple .doctors were trying their best to save her but around 2pm she passed away. i was shocked and i was alone at that time i called my sister.

I was shocked since she was supposed to get discharged it was very hard to digest that she is no more with us and in India performing funeral process is very difficult(emotionally) .from that day itself i lost my trust and faith in god before this incident i was very religious.

i dont know what to do now? i cant live without her.she had made so much sacrifices in her life to give us best life.i want her back very badly i also thought to commite suicide so that i can go with her .
whenever i close my eyes her face comes in front of me and i cant able to sleep but since my eyes got tired after crying i felt cleepy .when i slept she came in my dream i was so happy that she came back but when i opened my eyes i realized that it was just a dream.
anyways guys thanks for reading this and plz help me i want to come out of this.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2011 at 12:13AM
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I found this page because I am so down and sad at the moment, crying my eyes out, I typed into google "I want my mom."

I lost my mom in what will be 6 years ago in one week and one day. She passed on January 15th of 2006. She was 65, I was 27. I still have not been able to stop hurting and missing her so much that I can't stand life. There are not may days that go by that I don't say aloud "I miss my mom." I want her back so badly. Life is so unfair and in so many ways, completely and utterly POINTLESS. We live to die. And in-between being born and dying, there is a whole lot of pain.

I begged "God" (yeah like there is really one of those) to make this all a bad dream. To just let me wake up in my old bedroom in my moms house with her in the next room. Of course, this never happens. I continually wake up in the nightmare of being an orphan and wondering where my mom is. I lost faith in life after death because it has been so long and she has not given me any sign that she is ok somewhere else. If there were a way, if there were life after death, I know she would let me know so that I could stop hurting so much. So I could find some kind of solace.

Something in me died the day she did. There is something that doesn't connect any longer. Without a mother to nurture, what is left? Nothing much except bitterness, loneliness, and pain. I see people that are senior citizens and they have their even older senior citizen mom next to them and I get pissed. I want that! I've come to completely hate life. Everyone dies. My mom, my aunts, my grandparents, my ex gf took her own life in 2009....

what. is. the. fckng. point.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2012 at 4:18AM
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On February 20, 2011 my little sister died. On July 18, 2011 my son died. Tuesday my best friend's aunt who is 67 walked in the hospital for a liver biopsy and had several strokes and a heart attack, she has pancreatic cancer and is in hospice. Yesterday I took my ill, elderly father to the nursing home so we could talk to them about hospice care for his younger sister, she has dementia and she has not eaten in 5 days and is dying very soon.
We do not simply live to die. We live to enrich our lives and the lives of those around us. We live to make a difference in someone's lives and make an impact so that we will be remembered after we are gone.
After the loss of my son I thought I would simply die from a broken heart. I miss my son more now than I did when he died if that's possible. I still cry everyday but I continue to try to move forward.
I am working with a doctor to find a medication that might help me get through all of this. Have you tried therapy, medication, grief counseling?
I am so sorry for your loss and from the way you write you sound so final. Please seek help of some sort, as bad is it is, it can get better.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2012 at 9:27PM
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Speaking as a mom who has lost a son, almost three years ago . . . . your moms would want you to live, love, laugh, and have a wonderful life. And as a mom who is left behind to deal with the worst loss any parent could experience -- your mom is glad that you are still living, and honoring her by living a great life. I only wish I had gone before any of my kids -- not the way things are supposed to go.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2012 at 1:35AM
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I agree with you totally. We should not have to bury our children. Please tell me that it gets a little bit easier...right now I don't feel that it is, but am trying to have some hope of one day feeling almost close to sorta being near normal again. I'm lost and trying to find my way without that wonderful young man I was proud to call my son.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2012 at 8:51PM
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I find that it's not something you "get through" . . . . you learn to live with the pain, I guess. There's not an hour in the day that I don't think about my son and miss him, but I have other kids too. I don't have the option of crawling in a hole and not dealing with it, much as I feel like doing exactly that. The loss of one person kicks a big hole in the family -- we're all devastated, but appreciating each other more than ever.

    Bookmark   January 10, 2012 at 12:57AM
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I was hoping that you could tell me it gets easier. I don't have any other children...so I am lost. My son touched everyone he came in contact with and his death has left a huge void in many, many lives. Especially mine. Thank you for your honesty. I'd rather know the truth than to be fed drivel and expect things to change and when they didn't think it was me.

    Bookmark   January 10, 2012 at 6:50PM
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You prob'ly already know that you don't just get over losing one of your kids. It wouldn't matter if you had other kids -- you will always miss that one unique person, forever. I try to do things to honor my son -- we talk of him often, I do seasonal extra thing at the cemetery. I am ashamed to say that I haven't gotten a gravestone yet -- just can't walk in and talk about it without breaking down.
But it's almost like I've become accustomed to feeling bad . . . . I haven't taken meds or seen a counselor because it won't change the facts. I also struggle with a lot of guilt over his death, mostly just because I'm the mom and I should have done SOMETHING to help. His death was an accidental deadly combination of prescription drugs -- I should have checked on him when he didn't answer the phone, I should have been a better mom so he didn't need those meds, etc. Hard to deal with it all. Hard to see the world change around us, knowing he isn't a part of it. It's just hard.
I do a lot of reading, always in bed at night until I just cannot stay awake any more. Books about life after death, near-death experiences, even mediums and all - I look forward to seeing my son again when it's my turn to go.

    Bookmark   January 11, 2012 at 12:00AM
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Hello Burt's mom -- been thinking about my answers to you, and I realize that I've been no help at all. If you haven't already found this site:
please check it out. It's a non-profit international organization specifically for grieving families. There are several very active forums that you can participate in depending on your loss and experience. Or you can just "lurk" until you feel that you want to say something. I check in several times a day, to the Main Parental Bereavement Board and For Parents Who Have Lost an Adult or Teen Child. There are moms (and some dads and grandparents and siblings too) who are farther along this road than I am, and some who are handling things much better than I. I hope it's OK to recommend another forum -- I think we need all the resources and support we can get.

    Bookmark   January 11, 2012 at 2:36AM
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I appreciate your honesty. I have not gone to missfoundation.org, I haven't heard of it til now. I get things from Compassionate Friends but am not in the mindset to go listen to others even though it might help. I have had to take medications for the anxiety I have since my son died. I used to be such a strong person, nothing ever bothered me and now I can't do anything it seems. I didn't want to take Prozac but it does seem to help me a bit, I still have anxiety but am able to laugh more often than I had been and get through each day.
I got my son's headstone as soon as I could. To me that was the last thing I could do for him. To me it showed others that I really cared for him. (A friend of mine who lost her son said she had to wait, she wanted it to be perfect and didn't trust herself). My son's death was an accident-he choked to death after work one night. At first I felt guilty and blamed myself because I saw him choke on the first bite and still left, it was the second bite that killed him. Although I am not convinced that he didn't have a stroke or heart attack. My parents said he did not struggle, just rolled away from the table and was real quiet before they realized something was wrong. Logically if someone is choking they will struggle and that makes me think, even after an autopsy, that he had a stroke or heart attack. We know he had mini-strokes in the past. It makes me feel better to think that he had a massive stroke and that's why there was no struggle.
I grieve for you for blaming yourself. I know a couple who lost their only son to a mix of prescription mediciations and they blamed themselves for not having a close enough relationship with him that he felt comfortable coming to them to ask for help. Please don't blame yourself or question what is in the past. I am trying to learn to move forward and not forget about the past but try not to re-live it.
As devasatated as I am, I try to always remember that there are people out there in worse shape than me, who have worse problems. I did lose my only son, a perfect child and a great man with a quick smile and kind word. I cry often and that will not soon stop. My friend who lost her son tells me that the grief journey I am on is a long one, she knows from experience since she not only lost her son in that accident but her husband as well and her other son's back was broken.
I wish you peace. Thank you for the information.

    Bookmark   January 11, 2012 at 3:25PM
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I lost my mom 16 years ago June 11 1995. My boys were just little guys. I brought my newborn Brendan home to meet her for the first time. He was just 3 weeks old. She held him on her lap. I went out to show him to my brothers and sisters and when I came back in, she was getting ready for bed. I told her I would bath her the next day, and we would have a great visit. I was awakened by my father at 5:30 in the morning stating she was gone. My boys missed knowing such a lovely lady. It just isn't fair for them not to know grandma. No one can take my mom's place. ALS took her life, took her sister's life two years before her's, and two years ago, took my cousin's life. still miss her like it was just yesterday. I can see her sitting in the grass with me, hanging on to all her letters. She was always working around the house, loved to walk. I miss seeing her so much, just sitting having a cup of coffee or a coke, or stopping for an ice cream cone.

    Bookmark   January 12, 2012 at 11:40PM
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It's perfectly normal to feel mad at losing your mom. Grief can take many forms and sometimes bring out in us a person we don't even recognize. But I wanted to talk to you about life not being pointless. Nobel Prize winner and Nazy Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel once called it 'the most important question a human has to face: Why are we here?'.

Think about our capabilities and the use of our brain, we barely scratch the surface. We only use a small fraction of our brain yet we have done so much. It's true, our present life span allows us barely to scratch the surface of what we are designed to do. Think about the beginning, I know you may not be a believer in God but hear me out, God created mankind as an expression of his love and surrounded us with beauty and plenty under peaceful conditions. The first humans were given a fulfilling and meaningful assignment: "Be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it, and have in subjection the fish of the sea and the flying creatures of the heavens and every living creature that is living upon the earth." (Genesis 3:8,9) Things did not immediately work out as Jehovah purposed, for we are here, the poor choice of our first parents we have inherited sin and death. NEVERTHELESS God's original purpose for mankind WILL be fulfilled.

Few things are more distressing to the human spirit than the thought that life has no meaning, no purpose. But, if you make careful observation of the natural world, you will see that the mind-boggling complexities found in nature, from unicellular organisms to galactic clusters millions of light years away, tell us of an intelligent Designer, or Creator. "For God's invisible qualities are clearly seen from the world's creation onward, because they are perceived by the things made, even his eternal power and Godship, so that they are inexcusable". (Romans 1:20) Regarding us humans, we have an inborn desire to live and to know the meaning of life and seeking those answers is part of being human.

We were not created to die, and because things changed and we are now here God has given us the hope of seeing of loved ones again in perfect conditions to restore His original purpose. The thought of seeing them again is the hope that Jesus gave us when he was on earth and resurrected some who had died, Jesus was only giving us a preview of what was to come in the future in a much grander scale. We WILL see our loved ones again.

The Bible can answer all of our questions it's just a matter of looking. There is no tradition there, no lies, no imperfect human reasoning, just pure, loving guidance. I can assure you that if you look, you will find.

Much love,


    Bookmark   January 28, 2012 at 9:39AM
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I wake up and miss you mom, i cant go more then an hour not thinking of you! I know you are out of pain, and happy!! why cant i be! :( I want to cry a lot more then i do but i have a life i need to live, i really need you back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss having a coffee friend :(

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 8:58PM
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I too want my Mom, my mommy. She died from Alzheimer's January 09, but now, my Dad is in an assisted facility and has Parkinson's so he falls, he has strokes, he hurts a lot, and has trouble with his mind at the end of the day. I wish my Mum was with me, as she was tough, strong, and able to make everything right. She made everything right. Alzheimer's was terrible to go through, but at the end, I was relieved she was with God. Now, I'm facing my incredible Dads problems, and I really, really, miss her.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2012 at 2:44AM
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My grieving follows a different path. I'm 35, and while I have been blessed with such a beautiful daughter, other things in my life aren't going so well. I've grown apart from my parents in a lot of ways, having felt that many issues I have today are due to my father's emotional problems. My mom is in her 60's and is very active with her friends and social life, using any excuse she can to distance herself, physically, from my dad. I feel she moved on from the "mommy" I need. I want to go back to those childhood days when she would take me out and we would do so many things together. I try so hard to reach out to her but I feel that she has moved on and doesn't want to nurture me like she used to. When I express how sad I've been feeling, she handles me like an adult, I can't handle being an adult anymore. I just want to go back to the way it used to be so bad.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2012 at 8:12AM
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I miss my mom also. She died in April 2011 from colon cancer that had spread to her liver. Years earlier she was diagnosed and told she would have only 18 months to live but survived for 5 yrs. It was a miserable 5 yrs. Cancer was her biggest fear. She allowed herself to sink into...what? Depression, misery, and loneliness.
Our children knew her, they were in their 20s when she died. They loved her so. She was 'mama'. She let them sneak cookies, goodies, kept their secrets.
I miss my mom. I still think, "oh, it's Sunday I need to
call her." We talked every Sunday night.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2012 at 10:14PM
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