My daughter passed away June 9th

Pamela515July 25, 2013

Hi Everyone,

My beautiful daughter, Lauren, age 27 passed away June 9th. I am searching for others who have lost children and can tell me how you managed to get through the pain. It hurts so much. God bless all of you and thanks for your help.

Love,
-Pam

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summerblue

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I just wanted you to know I read your post. I know it is hard. Please try and take care of yourself. Try to sleep, and to eat. Take one day at a time. I hope you have someone you can talk with. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you.

    Bookmark   July 27, 2013 at 10:14PM
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cate52

While I can't imagine what you are truely going through, plase know that there are people out there to help. Ask at your church, your local mental health association... And know that people do care about your loss.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2013 at 5:16PM
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yayagal

Pamela, I wish I was near you and could give you a hug. I understand the pain you're going through and I wonder if you try and focus on what your beautiful daughter would want for you. She only wanted you to enjoy life and be happy but you're grieving now so you can't do that. In time you can. Trust me, it gets better. What I did was take one hour a day and look at photos and hurt and wail at the same time knowing that I would stop after an hour and try to do something constructive like my Pamm would have wanted. Know that your daughter is still with you but in another dimension so continue to dialogue with her in your head. Have a laugh with her now and then. Don't think for a moment that you could have done something so this didn't happen. You couldn't. We all have a journey and some seem shorter than others but that's because we're judging by our shallow human standards. When our time comes, we'll know better. She's safe and that's what matters. You know what I mean. God bless you and lift your burden so that you can clearly see we're all on loan here on earth. Make each day a masterpiece in honoring your daughter. Sending love.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2013 at 5:28PM
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carol_in_california

I am so sorry for your loss.
My youngest son was killed by a falling tree when he was 7.....it has been many years ago but I still remember the intense pain in my soul at the time.
You just have to take each moment as they come......cry when you need to and don't feel guilty if you should happen to smile during this time.
Just know that no matter what people say to try to help you with your loss, just know they are doing the best they can. I can remember a woman telling me she knew exactly how I felt because her kitten died. She had no idea.... but was sharing the only way she knew how.
Don't let anyone rush you with your grief.
I hope you can find friends who will let you talk all you want about your daughter.....and just listen.
I saw a psychologist for a while and it really helped me.
I started a support group for our local Hospice and it helped a lot to be able to hear others and how they dealt with their grief.
One day you will notice the happy memories are coming more often that the sad ones. I know that doesn't help heal up the huge hole in your heart and soul right now but it will happen.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2013 at 5:34PM
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sandiefl

Pamela, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can only imagine the pain and the loss that you are feeling.I pray that you can find a great support group.Sending healing prayers for you.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2013 at 5:44PM
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mary3444

Pamela, I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter who was 45 in Dec 2011.
All I can say to you is time does heal. Try to think of the good times you had with her. If you need to cry-do it. I hope you have close family that can help you but you yourself have to heal & no one else can do that for you.
It is a hard road as we never think we will outlive our children.
I don't know if you are religious but for us we said she is in a better place & will no longer have to suffer.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2013 at 6:26PM
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socks

Dear Pam, Please accept my heartfelt condolences on this terrible loss. May you find peace and strength from the responses you receive here. You face a difficult time ahead; please seek help everywhere it is offered. My heart aches for you.

Susan

    Bookmark   July 31, 2013 at 6:29PM
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petaloid

I am so sorry to hear this. My stepsister passed suddenly, at a young age.

Even though it was a terrible shock to all of us, we got through it.

You will too, believe me.

My prayers for strength go out to you.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2013 at 8:21PM
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kayjones

Oh, Pamela - I am so sorry for your terrible loss. If you need to talk, we are here to listen.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2013 at 8:34PM
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mamatoad

I'm so sorry for your tragic loss! It will take time to heal and you have to do it in whatever way is right for you. Just know that eventually it will become easier, altho' memories of her will never go away, nor would you want them to! Today is my granddaughter's 32nd birthday and my thoughts have been of her all day. I remember the good times and I can smile at those memories now. She was killed in a car accident when she was eighteen. I will remember you in my prayers as you continue your journey toward healing. (((Pamela)))

    Bookmark   July 31, 2013 at 8:44PM
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drewsmaga

HUGS! And may you find peace soon. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. I have 4 adult children, and I buried 3 little boys who died in infancy. It's been 30-40 years and I still feel the ache in my heart. But I came to place of peace with those losses. Hold on to the wonderful times you had with Lauren and thank God you had her for 27 years. You've been blessed for having her in your life. Celebrate that.

    Bookmark   August 1, 2013 at 12:13AM
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susanjf_gw

27 years seems so short, but lost 2 w/miscarriage and still after 40+ years always wonder...but the joy you had of seeing her from baby to adult can NEVER be taken away...don't close out friends family...ask them if they need to talk..so often everyone says nothing for fear of hurting you...take care...

    Bookmark   August 1, 2013 at 5:44AM
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wanda_va

Pam, my heart goes out to you in the loss of your daughter. I know the pain of losing a child, as I lost my only "child" in May 2006. He was 40 years old. I thank God every day that he left me two terrific grandsons.

I would like to echo yayagal's advice. Set aside some time each day to spend with Lauren--and let the tears flow. Then, spend the rest of the day taking care of yourself to honor her memory and the love you had for each other.

My real salvation was my faith. God carried me through the roughest times. And knowing that I will someday be reunited with my baby keeps me going.

I am here if you need a shoulder. Hugs!

    Bookmark   August 1, 2013 at 8:53AM
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alisande

Pam, I lost my 25-year-old daughter in 2001, and came to GardenWeb and this forum a year-and-a-half later. One of the frequent poster's had lost her daughter six years earlier. I remember being amazed that she had lived without her daughter for six years. For some reason that seemed almost impossible to me. Now here I am, having lived without my Gillian for 12.

The advice you received in this thread is all good. People have different ways of grieving; if someone tells you what you "should" be doing, ignore it. I needed to talk and cry and talk and cry. I was lucky to have friends who were willing to listen. I also saw a therapist friend. A grief counselor is often a good idea.

I didn't join Compassionate Friends, but it might be a good move for you. A friend told me it really helped him get through the worst of it.

I'm not at all religious, but I believe without a doubt that we survive after death in another form. I have been beyond lucky that my daughter has sent many signs to me and others. I hope you will be open to this possibility. And I hope your daughter will visit you in a dream. It is the most comforting of experiences.

One night--I don't know when--you'll get ready for bed and realize you didn't cry that day. You might cry the next day, but it'll gradually happen less often. I still give myself a nudge once in awhile to have a good (wholehearted) cry. It's healthy, and observed that sometimes it relieves physical pain.

It helped me to know that others--many others--have gone through this. It helped to realize that life is neither fair nor unfair; it just is. And it helped to not ask "Why me?" or "What if......?"

As was mentioned above, try to focus on what Lauren would want for you. And then follow it.

Keep us posted.

    Bookmark   August 1, 2013 at 7:13PM
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katlan

Pam, I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope it's o.k. for me to reply to you. I have not lost any children, and I thank God everyday for that.

There is nothing anyone can say or do to take your pain away. Only time will ease your pain. Only time. If it helps you to talk about her day and night on this board, do it. Tell us everything about her if you want to. Cry as long and as hard as you need to. It is a release. And don't let anyone tell you when or how to grieve.

Please, just hang on anyway you can. The pain never stops, but it will ease with time.

I pray you can find peace. God bless Lauren's soul.

This post was edited by katlan on Fri, Aug 2, 13 at 16:23

    Bookmark   August 2, 2013 at 9:47AM
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loveisintheair

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. One of my best friends went through the same thing. My heart goes out to you and your family and we will keep you in our prayers.

After seeing my friend go through the same loss, I tried to do as much research on grieving and what I could do to help her. Eventually, I found a Grief Coach that lost a child as well and now helps other people who are going through the same thing. I will say, that I see a difference in my friend now. It might be something to consider if you are interested.

http://www.Ouch-Its-Grief.com

Here is a link that might be useful: Grief Support

    Bookmark   September 26, 2013 at 6:36PM
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