Going Away Without Mom

lulie___wayneJuly 2, 2004

We have a place on the coast that I have been going to since I was born. I have never gone without my mom being there also. I will be going soon and I have such mixed feelings about it. I almost feel like I shouldn't go since Mom won't be there. I will have family with me, but I am afraid how lonely I will feel without Mom. It's only been a month (tomorrow) since she left us. Have any of you had this same experience of having to do and go to places without your loved one after they left you? I can almost describe the feeling as "fear". I guess fear of how I will feel.


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In my case, I would describe the first experiences of being somewhere familiar without my family intact as that of desolation. A distant, wailing yearning for the way things were, were supposed to always be.

The first time for everything was the worst. Repeated experiences brought my heart and mind back to that feeling of hollowness with a resigned recognition of the "what must now be."

Your loss is so fresh, Lulie. Prepare yourself for your memories to overwhelm you at times. I hope, by the time you return, you feel a little less lost. I'll keep you in my prayers. Dianne

    Bookmark   July 3, 2004 at 6:49AM
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Lulie, you haven't mentioned your father. How is he getting along? Will he be going with you? I am sure that he misses your mother as much, if not more than you do. She was half of his life for so long. Please turn your thoughts to him and what he is going through. Perhaps it will make your grief a little less stressful if when you start to think of your loss, you remember what you still have.....your father. Does he have health problems? Is he still able to maintain a house alone? I know that you are going to be a blessing to him in his time of loss. The death of a spouse of so many years must be devastating. So many thing are changed.

    Bookmark   July 3, 2004 at 10:56AM
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Dad is very lonely without Mom, but of course, knows that death is an inevitable part of life. He is doing as well as can be expected. He feels so lost without Mom, though. I recognize a lot of what he is doing which is a normal part of grief. He will go into stores during the day thinking that he just wants to get out and then finds himself just wandering around aimlessly. That sounds so familiar to me. I remember it well. He is in good health, looks at least 20 years younger than his age, and does maintain the house well. He amazes me at what he can still do.
He and my mom had a love story which is so rare. I've never seen two people more dedicated and in love than those two. I am so very fortunate to have grown up in a household like I had. I try to help him out as much as I can and go and call often. So do my siblings. Unfortunately, being that he is almost 80, most of his friends and all of his immediate family have already gone before him. It must be so sad and lonely.
I can't imagine losing my spouse of only 32 years, much less of 57 years. I guess it's like losing a part of your own body.
I'll keep you all posted.

    Bookmark   July 5, 2004 at 8:03PM
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Our few days away was nice and great, as always for the family to be together. I slept in Mom's bedroom. I know that she would want all of us to continue the tradition of using the family beach place, so that is what we will continue to do. I did better than I thought I would do and it was good for Dad to get away.
Diane, I know what you mean about having that longing for things to be the way they used to be. It's a sickening feeling to know that I will never ever be with my mom or Christin again in this life. We have to continue on though, no matter how hard it is. We have no other choice.

    Bookmark   July 5, 2004 at 8:08PM
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