My good and true friend Andy committed suicide

richard48July 25, 2007

Since I moved to Spain Andy and I had connected and we'd sit up half the night talking and putting the world to rights, or chatting over beers in the pub. Andy was 36. A few months back his girlfriend did the dirty on him - she was the love of his life. He came to stay with my partner and I and although he was depressed he rarely showed it. We had some great times and good laughs and grew even closer. Last Sunday 15th July the 3 of us went to the local bar in the evening. Andy was in good form and seemed clear on future plans. I now know he was but not in the way I thought. When we came home he phoned his ex. From my bed I heard him pleading with her. Then the front door closing. I should have followed him - I so nearly did - but he was a lonely soul and I knew he sometimes wandered off to think. I didn't know he had hung himself from a tree in our garden. The police called me out to see his body still there in the tree in the morning (they aren't tactful here in Spain). I stood with him for 2 hours until they took him away - I needed to - I don't know - protect him or something.

Andy was intelligent, wise, funny, loyal, and all round beautiful human being. I helped put the cremation service together and visited him at rest so I could try to erase the awful memory of how he looked that morning. But it's so tough. He was so vulnerable and I couldn't help him. I cry at the slightest reminder now and I feel so sad and I miss him so much it's hard to bear. Right now there's a fiesta going on outside my house and it seems so wrong.

I just want his company again - I want him back. It seems such a waste and everything good and nice reminds me that he's not here to see it. He must have been a very tortured soul. I wish I had realised earlier.

I know things will get better but I guess this is a chance to remember him in some way. I'm not religious but I hope he's happy now wherever he is. Bless you Andy Stevenson.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Your friend sounds like an awesome person. Unfortunately we all deal with pain in different ways and some of us have a hard time showing just how hurt we are. You have to remember though that Andy will always be around with you. He will be there with you later down the road when you're having a good time, wishing he were there, just remember that he is. You obviously were a great friend to him and it sounds like you made a huge difference in his life. We can't know how hurt someone is unless they tell us, and it doesn't sound like Andy showed it very often, and thatÂs not your fault. You can't blame yourself for not following him; you did the best you could. You will see Andy again some day and it will be like you were never parted. Until then, keep your head up, remember the good and forget the bad.

    Bookmark   July 25, 2007 at 10:27PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Hi Richard,

Your story really moves me. I lost a very dear friend pretty much the same way three years ago. He was a lot like Andy, I think. It devastated me for some time, and I think of him a lot. One thing I noticed is that I've absorbed so much from him, the stuff I learned from him, and like jy la 02 says, I am carrying him around with me. It's almost like I'm having one of those seemingly endless conversations with him again sometimes. I wish there was a way I could play back his voice, the things he said through the gazillion hours of conversation we had.
But, bummer that it is, you can't save people sometimes. I hate that part of it so much.

I took a while, but thinking of him now feels good, as it has been long enough that my mind and my heart has made the adjustment. I think it will be that way with you and your dear friend Andy too. My friend was a tortured soul, and he hurt easily and too much, and he was also smart, witty as hell, knew how to have fun and loved getting to know people. Wow, I just thank the stars for having had the privilege of knowing him for as long as I did.

He's a part of me and I am proud that I was one of his closest friends. He was a letter writer, would write from various parts of the globe. What I did after he left us was, once in a while, pull out one of those tattered envelopes, unfold and read the letter he obviously put a lot of time and love into. Depends on the person maybe, but I know even when it made me cry it also brought joy.

I wish you the best. I can tell that you are a wonderful person to have had a friend like that.

    Bookmark   July 26, 2007 at 9:57PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
i have never felt so alone lost and frightened
i too lost my husband. he was 37 when he passed. due...
Dad just passed away
My dad had a heart attack on Thursday January 22, 2015....
Losing Someone to Suicide
I once had a roommate, call her Yvonne, who was bi-polar; when...
Seeing a Loved One After They Passed Away
I have heard a few stories of people who have actually...
How to live after the death of a spouse
Hope this might be helpful to some. 1 Before you move...
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™