Father passed away when I was 11
When I was 11 (14 years ago) my father passed away after living with ALD all his life, a combination of the disease and a heart attack took his at 43. Growing up my parents split when I was 2 and I lived with my mother and step father, only seeing my dad one Sunday every two weeks. After his death I thought about him every day, cried for years after and have visited the crematorium every year. Over the last couple of years there are days when I don't think about him, as if I'm forgetting, does this make me a bad son? When I get drunk I get very emotional and all I do is cry for my father. I want to get to know him better, see him one last time.
A couple of months ago I had the most vivid dream where he was suddenly alive, I talked to him, he met my fiance and even though I knew he was dead I was just so happy he was alive. I remember waking up actually smiling and thinking for a split second where dream and reality crossed that I have never been so happy in all my life, I had my father back. It feels like I time hasn't done a great deal apart from make me want to see him again so much more painful. Can I get on with my life and still remember and love my father?