A lost Brother.....

furseyJuly 3, 2006

My Brother died of a Heart attack on 6/25. He was 47.

I am here in Alaska (Nome)and he was living in Arizona. My last words to him were not friendly to him at all, although we did get along very well before this.I haven't spoken with him in years.

I am lost here and have feelings I never experienced before.

I've lashed out at my Fiance, who has been very sweet and supportive thru all this and Laura, I am sorry I treated you with disrespect.

Been having trouble sleeping and when I do eat, I have problems keeping things down.

I have been talking to him and taking long walks to the beach, in hopes of some sort of comfort.

I haven't found any yet.

I am feeling guilty that I wasn't able to talk with him on a more friendly note. His children have been talking with me since this happened and are taking it very well.

Upset, confused, lost are just some of the feelings I have.

I've read some of the postings here and that does help. I know this will take time to heal, or at least be able to function without crying.

Any words would be greatly appreciated.......

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I think you are doing the right things, walking and talking. Of course you feel terrible about the unfriendly feelings between you two, but these difficulties often take place in families, and you had no idea his life would be cut short. Do stay in touch with his family, they are part of him. I am so sorry you have lost your brother, and I wish I had the words to ease your agonizing pain. Time will help. Share your feelings and memories with your dear fiance. Talking helps too.

    Bookmark   July 3, 2006 at 8:39PM
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I'm sorry about the loss of your brother. Through my grief process for my daughter, I have learned that guilt (although it is very hard to restrain) is one of the most useless human feelings that we can have. It serves no purpose other than to make us miserable. Although your brother and you had your differences, deep down you both probably knew the love that you had as siblings. As Socks said, it is very common for family members to lash out to each other. If you didn't love your brother, you wouldn't be having these very sad feelings of regret and guilt. You love him and he loved you. Try to hold on to the good times that you all shared as siblings and the love that you share, and throw the guilt out the window. It will eat you up and your brother would not want that. Focus on the good things that you did for him even if it were long ago.
I wish I could help more. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Bookmark   July 3, 2006 at 9:55PM
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I'm so sorry about your brother. I've lost a brother and 4 sisters (including my twin) and I know how special siblings are. All I know to tell you is to honor his memory by talking about him and always remember the good times. This is a wonderful group to come and talk to - everyone listens and really cares.

    Bookmark   July 5, 2006 at 1:29PM
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. It's so hard when things were difficult between you, but I do agree, you loved him and that's why you're grieving. Try to keep in touch with his family, and let them know you loved him. My son died, and we'd spent a year pretty much out of touch, although we had mended the fences before he died. I'm just sick when I think of the year we spent apart, and I've wracked my brain to think of what I should have done differently during that period. I found out some things after he died that I wished I'd realized before, because I made his life harder. Remember the good times. My sympathies are with you. Come back and let us know how you're doing. It takes a lot of time.

    Bookmark   July 5, 2006 at 6:05PM
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It will be 2 years in August when my little sister died. She is 11 months younger than me and my only sibling. She was 38 when she died. We were always close, my husband, kids and I moved from Virginia (husband was in the Navy) to Colorado to be with her and her family. We were here for 9 months before she died in her sleep suddenly. We were barely talking to eachother because of her lifestyle which eventually lead to her death. (alcoholism) As I said, we were always close, but in the middle of a hard patch in our relationship. I was able to say "I love you" and hug her 4 days before her death but you could tell we were still a bit angry at eachother. Sibs are like that. I beat myself up, day in and day out for not being a better big sister. I was supposed to take care of her. I still have those days when I want to turn back time, I can't. The days are farther between now. I try to concentrate on the great times we had instead of the fights. Remember, siblings fight. I will admit, its difficult to move past that, and a part of it will probably remain with me for the rest of my life. I try to concentrate on the good things I did for her in our life. Like getting her clothes down from the closet because she was so short, or turning on the water because she couldnt reach the sink.(when we were kids) Moving to Colorado to be with her. I thank God I had those 9 months with her. We had fun together until the end. I talk to her all the time and still apologize to her. I bet if you think REAL hard you can come up with many more times you were a GREAT brother rather than not. Please know, I know your pain. It doesn't go away, but It does ease up a bit. I was and still when I have my bad days, am a b---- to my family. I control this by taking a shower! In there no one can here me cry or yell or swear or the many other feelings I have. It helps me. I also write to my sister, but I find talking to her helps more. I look at her picture and talk to her. I hope this helps you know there are those of us who know what youre going through. Please keep in touch and this is a great place to vent, or just talk about him.

    Bookmark   July 8, 2006 at 2:56PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. It sounds like you really loved your brother and now you are letting the guilt hurt you more. Remember that no matter what the circumstances were your brother would not have wanted that to happen and he knew that you loved him. All families have times like this when they lose touch or are not speaking. As time goes on you will heal and be stronger and will always continue to miss him. Remember the good times and I wish you peace and strength in your grieving process.

    Bookmark   July 9, 2006 at 5:24PM
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Im so sorry to hear of your loss. I also lost a brother recently. Believe me, we fought.. sometimes alot. In the end we always knew we loved each other, and when things get tough, we relied on each other to get through it. Your brother knew you loved him. Remember times that were happy,and free of problems that may have come up. Try not to feel guilty about anything. Wherever he is, he's not thinking about anything trivial that happened. He just loves you, so just love him back. Keep him alive in your heart. As far as lashing out on your loved ones, I hear you... I have been a lunatic since my brother died. I know my husband feels that he cant do anything right. I just hope this part of grieving is fairly short. Hang in there, you will get through it.

    Bookmark   July 25, 2006 at 12:57AM
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