It will get easier

mrs.mickiJuly 14, 2006

When my mother passed away it was very hard, you see we were never relly close until about one year before she passed.I found myself at the cemetary[sorry if spelling is bad] everyday.Well one day an older man came over to me and apologized for interrupting me and said to me it gets a little easier everyday but everyday you will still feel like it was only yesterday.This man had been there everyday for five years,never missing a day no matter what.It has been 11 years since my mom passed and I often ask myself will the pain ever go away.The other day the mans daughter was at the cemetary and stopped to speak to me. She told me the reason her father was not there was because he is very ill, and asked her if she seen me to tell me that it wasn't the pain I was feeling it was the memories that were still alive and to never ask for them to be gone. This touched me very hard and made me think, and yes it is when I think of things that happened good or bad that I cry the most. I guess what I learned is not to let the pain take away all the memories good or bad. They are part of the healing process.

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So very true, and thank you so much for sharing. I'm sorry about your mom. I am also so glad that your mom and you became close before she died. What a blessing for you as well as her.

    Bookmark   July 14, 2006 at 10:06PM
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Wow. What a wise man to offer words like that. I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother and am glad to hear that you got closer in her last year. I can't imagine anyone wanting to fight to be rid of memories. I think that why some people try to forget is to avoid feeling and grieve openly. I don't want to forget...ever!
Emma in PA

    Bookmark   July 16, 2006 at 5:03AM
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I read, or someone told me early in my bereavement that I wouldn't always hurt this badly (as I was hurting at that moment). This has proven to be true. At first I was angry with the words, I WANTED to hurt over my loss. I didn't want to feel better. But time goes by and eventually, little by little, I found my grief wasn't as bad as when fresh. Still there, yes, right below the surface, ready to grip me and make me breathless and start the tears, but not all the time.

Now, it's all I can say to people with new grief--I'm so sorry and it won't always hurt this badly.

    Bookmark   August 22, 2006 at 6:47AM
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Mrs. Micki~
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. Your experience with the man at the cemetery was very touching. How wonderful for him, even in his grief, to reach out to you with such wonderful and heartfelt feelings.

dian57~ Your words touched my heart!! You explained exactly how I have been feeling this week. My mom died 2 years ago and I have been thinking of her so much this week, that I just broke down in tears today. You put it into words that explain it so well ~"Still there, yes, right below the surface, ready to grip me and make me breathless and start the tears, but not all the time. "

    Bookmark   August 23, 2006 at 2:52PM
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