What Keeps Me Going.. I Hope I Can Help You All

lulie___wayneJuly 7, 2009

I know grief well. I lost my precious 19 year old daughter, Christin, my mom who was my best friend, my only niece whom I love dearly, and now I'm losing my dad to cancer. Nothing of the past is the same. Grief is a daily emotion. I think of each one of them every single day and miss all of our good times together.

I recently co-authored a novel, CHRISTIN, in which events of my daughter's life from 9th grade until her death and after, are depicted. In the book, I mention how I have survived this tradgedy and I hope to help others with my thoughts and feelings. Many have told me that this one statement has helped them.

I pretend that my loved ones are on a very wonderful vacation. There are no worries and no pain there. Everything is beautiful and perfect. I know that they are having a great time and are happier than ever before. I plan to go meet them on this vacation when it is my time to go. Until then, I have to be confident that they are happy and having fun where they are.

Without this faith, eleven years after my daughter's tragic death, I would still be in the lowest pits of grief.

I know that those of my loved ones who have gone before me love me as much as I love them and they do not want me unhappy anymore than I would wish that on them. We have to go on, try our best to enjoy life, and enjoy and appreciate the loved ones who are still here. We never know when they could leave us,also.

I do miss the past very much. Nothing is the same, but in life, nothing can be expected to stay the same. It is sad sometimes, but I pick myself up and try to move on knowing that this life is only temporary for all of us. We are born to die. We just need to try our best and live the best that we can while we are here.

I know that some of your grief is very fresh and intense, but I hope that I can help you all.

Lulie Cosby

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i am so sorry for your losses. i'm now at 19 months...i lost my soul mate, the love of my life, my best friend, the man i had hoped to grow old with. that first year, i was in the depths of the deepest despair i have ever felt. slowly, i am coming out of my fog and i am learning to live with my memories.

not a single day, hour, minute, second, goes by that i don't miss gary and wish he was still here. i would give everything i have just to hold his hand one more time. he used to tell me, the world was created just so we could be together.

i, too, am healing and in much the same way you are. i live for the day we will be reunited. until then, i will continue to grieve but i will continue to live life as gary would have wanted me to. i don't think grief ever gets better, it just gets "different".

    Bookmark   July 7, 2009 at 5:39PM
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your love, Gary.
Yes, you are right.. As time goes by, grief just gets different and people learn to live with it. They live a new life different from the one they knew before.
Bless you,

    Bookmark   July 8, 2009 at 4:30PM
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I just joined. I lost my husband on June 10/09 and am feeling so very bad.
Lulie, your description of the vacation they are all on is wonderful. I am going to try thinking that, too.

    Bookmark   July 15, 2009 at 12:08AM
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Hi Lulie, I think you saw at the KT where I lost my DMom in Feb. and then just recently lost Glen in May. I am doing o.k., I guess. Ninapearl took the words right out of my head. I loved Glen so much and miss him daily. Today, for some reason has really been rough. Well, one reason is I went to the cemetery and the flowers I had left weren't there and I wonder why...
I try to tell myself on the really bad days that this is not how my loved ones nor God would want me to be. I know in my heart that they Are in a better place and no longer suffering. Two major losses like that within less than 3 months is hard. We didn't have any kids together just the animals and they are what keep me going. I can tell they are getting a little better but they do have some separation anxiety it seems when I leave them.
No nothing is the same and if someone hasn't been through this they really don't have any idea what it's like. One day they are here with us and then the next they are not.
If one more person tells me "you're still young, you'll find someone" I think I just may go postal. It doesn't matter how old you are or they were, when you lose the love of your life that is the last thing on your mind-finding someone to replace them.(which I will never be able to do)we were two halves that made each other whole.

I'd like to read your book when it becomes available. Christin was a beautiful young woman with a wonderful soul.


    Bookmark   July 22, 2009 at 6:04PM
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Dear Lulie,

Very well put.
When my Dad passed, my Momma used to say that as a young wife married to a marine she used to have to move all the time. My dad would go on his new post ahead of her and get a house ready for us and Momma would close up the old house and then bring us kids. She would say she thinks of his death lilke that now, he has just gone on ahead of us to get a place ready for us when we come.
God bless and keep you~ Vicki

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 3:20AM
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