Loss of Mom Dad and Brother I never knew

Nanny1127July 15, 2011

I am 66 and have just lost my parents and a older brother I never knew I had. (my only brother) While cleaning out my Mom's papers I found proof she had a child before she met my Dad. He was adopted by her parents. I have sisters and we were never told. This has been a shock. My parents were married 55 happy years. Thru hard work and research I found him and his adult children 2 thousand miles away. I wanted to contact them. Sadly my brother passed away from Cancer last year. I feel so guilty I never knew him. Should I try to contact his children or let life go on. I really wish he had been part of my life. I have no nieces only nephews. He had 4 sons and 3 daughters.( 2 sons have passed on) They are part of my family. Also I haven't told my own children about this. should I now? I am so sad and think how hard this must have been for my Mom. Thanks Nanny

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mav63_2007

Nanny, first I want to tell you how very sorry I am about the loss of your parents. It doesn't matter what age you are it is still really hard. My dad died at 59 years old, however, I still have my mom and she is 93.
Wow! That must have been a real shock for you, how sad for your mother and how sad that you brother has passed. I can only speak for myself but I would want to contact the family to find out if #1 they know he was adopted and #2 if they want contact, then you will have to go with their decision. I think family is so important and we never know how much time we have. Good luck and God Bless.

    Bookmark   July 15, 2011 at 9:40PM
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Nanny1127

Thank You Mav63. Yes it is hard to lose them. They were both 90. I miss them so much. My Mom had congestive heart failure. She went first. Then my Dad had to go on a feeding tube. He disliked it so. He lasted a few months then passed from failure to thrive. He was in a nursing home. My brother was 69 he had Cancer. On his obituary it said he was the adopted son of ..... So his family knew he was adopted, but did they know his adopted parents were really his grandparents? I don't know. I have decided to contact his oldest daughter. Treasure the time you have with your Mom. Thanks for answering my post. Nanny

    Bookmark   July 16, 2011 at 10:12PM
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sunnyca_gw

My DD is adopted. We got her when she was 6 weeks old. Her daddy died when she was 15 & couple of years later she wanted to know if I thought it was a good idea to find her birth mom. I thought it was great idea. Get medical history, maybe she was longing to see her etc. She went to couple of meetings of people looking for birth parents & I had told her doesn't always turn out well. Ended up mixed bag. Birth mom was shocked & not happy her secret was out,2 older siblings were glad, cousin was thrilled & very helpful. DD told birth mom dying (couple of yrs ago), she made it to the funeral. It was worth it tho she would have liked to talk to her in person. You will always wonder if you don't contact them & if you do you might have a nice extended family. Years ago it was very shameful to have child out of wedlock, if girl was young her parents stepped in & stopped them from marrying etc.I think they will be happy to find out that you are related by blood. Even if you never meet them you can email or write & would be good idea to find out if cancer runs in family & what kind it was as you might want to be getting checked more often if colon or another type that often runs in families. My parents are 89 & 95 & I know it will be hard to lose them but I see them everyday & help with their care.Glad you had your parents for a long time too. Questions will eat away at you & I think you will at least get some info. Wondering why you never saw your brother if grandparents adopted him, did you move far away & never had contact with grandparents again. Sounds like GP's did make mom give him up. How old was she when he was born, 21, I think if I did the math right? Any indication of who father was & what happened to him? Was she in college? Sometimes parents just didn't think guy was proper for their daughter. I think your mom may not have had much to do with it & therefore was estranged from her parents which would be very hard to deal with. Glad she got a good man in your dad! Good Luck!

    Bookmark   July 18, 2011 at 10:42AM
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