Graveyard Etiquette

blackcat333July 20, 2004

Who takes care of your loved one's gravesite?

Do other people come and leave things other than flowers?

How long should you leave something on the grave (if it's not just dead flowers which would understandably be gotten rid of once they die)?

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My husband and I keep Christin's grave clean and of course, the cemetery does the grass etc. Sometimes friends and other family clean it when they go, if it needs it.
Other people leave things for her, although it is minimal, due to the fact that the cemetery rules state that you can't have a bunch of stuff all over the grave for an extended period of time. (Really, nothing is supposed to be there but flowers, but that just doesn't happen, especially if it's a new grave.) I usually allow stuff to stay with her for maybe a week. I've taken valuable things up after a day that others have left. I have felt badly about it, but I was always afraid that someone might steal it. It had a sentimental value to it since it was brought to her and on her grave so I kept it with me. Looking back, that was not the right thing to do. I should have left it with Christin since the person brought it to HER. I didn't want it stolen. It was HERS! It's almost like there was a part of me thinking that I could give it to her later or that she could enjoy it at home. I know that is another **crazy** thought, but do any of us think clearly after a traumatic, unexpected death of a child or any other loved one????

    Bookmark   July 20, 2004 at 12:30PM
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My husband is the one who regularly visits Brian's grave. There seems to be something new to report each time he returns. At first I was concerned that the grave was going to look like a hillbilly trailer park with the things he was describing to me (plastic birds with flapping wings, huge rosary beads draped over the stone, glass dolphins), etc.

Then it occurred to me that all those things were brought and left as acts of love. Who cares what's there and what it looks like?

I don't touch anything except to remove dead flowers. Walt tends to 'tidy up' before Christmas when the grave blanket and Christmas tree go up there.

By the way, Lulie. Brian's girlfriend had put a concrete angel blowing a kiss on the top of his stone. One day it was gone. Walt said he walked the whole cemetary looking for it and couldn't find it. I guess someone just scooped it up and took it home. Can you imagine the bad karma of stealing from a grave?

We replaced it and used concrete cement to secure it. This one will last as long as the granite headstone.

    Bookmark   July 21, 2004 at 7:05AM
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