question about teenage boys

Seamer1March 7, 2005

My friend's son is 17 years old. She is afraid he might be gay. She said that he had a girlfriend and he broke up with her because she was more interested in a sexual relationship than he was. I was always under the impression the that is all that was on the brain of boys that age. (can you tell I only have girls?) My friend got pregnant with the boy in question when she was 17, and has always harped to him about not wanting him to become a teenage parent like her. Do you think this may be affecting his attitude towards sex?

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Not all 17 year old boys just have sex on the mind. And maybe he is just plain smart enough to know that it would be a stupid mistake with that girl. I had three boys, yes, they were interested in girls, but they could see what kind of trouble their friends got into.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2005 at 5:24PM
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My beloved brother is gay and never had a real girlfriend or dated seriously in high school (in the 70's). He had a lot of girls for friends, was also popular and class president. He did take a girl (a friend) to the prom. If this kid is actually into girls and going out with them on regular basis, I wouldn't think right away that he is gay. And so what if he is? I think it is good that he's not into sex for the fun of it and thinking about the consequences. Somebody should sit down and talk about earnestly with him about sex, birth control and relationships in general. If he might be gay, it would be nice if somebody were open-minded enough and close enough to him to discuss this also in a general way, that it's totally OK and he is loved and regarded well whatever sexual orientation he decides. If he admits that he might be gay, not sure, then I would also discuss disease prevention measures with him. AIDS is on the increase again these days because many young men think that the Rx cocktails are going to prevent them from AIDS, should they test positive for HIV (not true, anymore). It is hard for some folks to digest that a son or relative might be gay, but the risk of disease is high for this group and should be addressed as forthright as those we set forth for our straight sons and daughters.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2005 at 7:31PM
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"She said that he had a girlfriend and he broke up with her because she was more interested in a sexual relationship than he was."

Not all young men are sex fiends! The kid might have decided that he want's to wait until he's READY for a permanent relationship ... and the mom is worried?

    Bookmark   March 8, 2005 at 10:56PM
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What lazygardens said! I'd be thankful for that. We hear about boys and men who chase women and seem to have an insatiable appetite but there are many who want a meaningful relationship with a woman and use every bit of willpower to refrain from temptation. And no doubt his mother's instruction to not become a teenage parent has had a lot of influence as well.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2005 at 11:29PM
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My understanding is that most gay males become sexually active a little later than straight males - so at 17 I would think it is too early to tell.

My guess is that he doesn't find hyper promiscuous girls atractive.

There is nothing you can do about his orientation. He is what he is.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2005 at 10:28AM
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hmm. sounds like the problem's more with the mother than the son.

she's 'worried' because her son's not the kind of nebbish that SHE was obviously attracted to at his age? or because maybe he learned from his mother's mistakes that being a slave to one's gonads is contradictory to just about everything else in life?

her son's conduct is her business- his sexual orientation is his own business, and while it's not the first time I've run in to women like her- I never stop being appalled.

    Bookmark   March 15, 2005 at 11:43AM
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I think it is doubly important for young males to refrain from promiscuous sex.They will be stuck paying child support for the next eighteen years if the girl gets pregnnt and decides to keep the baby.There are so many young girls that have the ill concieved notion that having a baby and going on welfare can "save" them from a lousy home life.Society tends to treat the fairer sex more gently when it comes to teen pregnancy.Although it is important to teach both girls and boys to be wiser than their hormones,I have really stressed it with my teen boys because it is so hard to get an education when you are forced to pay support for another household too.That young man is hopefully just being a smart one.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2005 at 11:57AM
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