My Daughter's Birthday

shirleyinadirondacksJuly 11, 2005

was Saturday. She died in December of 04. My brother-in-law's birthday was the same day as Shelly's. His kids put on a party for him and we went. I got thru the day pretty good and then yesterday was my Mom's birthday and w all went to brunch with her. She was 83. Rollie(DH) and I did real good and didn't dampen anybody's spirits.

Today I don't want to move. I don't care about anything. I have two different medical appointments and I just wanna stay home and whine! One of my sisters is driving me to the apps., so I can't get out of them.

My husband asked me if I wanted the hamburger for supper tonight and I said yes. Why cook? I told you I was whining!

I'm having more trouble right now than I've had since Shelly died. I know it's normal but I'm making tears in the eye that doen't make tears.

My DH has gone to work and is keeping busy, but he's been a bit short tempered lately and he never is!!! Our two sons and other daughter have been on the phone to us several times this weekend.

I really didn't have anything to say. It's just that you people are such a comfort.


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it sounds like you're both feeling her absence (I've noticed that guys, simply because they don't have girlfriends to cry to, tend to respond to pain by being short-tempered)

and no, after being on good behavior for two straight days and making sure I didn't rain on anyone else's parade- I'd have fallen over, dragged myself under the couch, and sat there in the dark, crying with the cats.

hopefully, things will improve over the next few weeks. doing something 'for her' helps - work with a reading program 'for' my nanna (who left me her library) and garden 'for' my aunt, who was dreadfully talented with paints, but couldn't keep a spider plant alive.

it does help.and staying busy yourself will help chase off the sharks with stethescopes.

    Bookmark   July 11, 2005 at 11:50AM
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Hi Shirley,

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my brother in May (just after his birthday). We've had to 'celebrate' 2 special occassions without him (father's day & my parent's anniversary). It was hard, probably harder for my parents. I did my best to smile and keep spirits up, even though I wanted to just close the bedroom door and stay in bed under the covers.
I'm dreading this Saturday, my birthday, my brother never forgot it and would always give me a call. Even when he was away on holidays,in the middle of no where, he'd find a phone and send a card. It's going to be a tough day.

But then I remember his smile & laughter (good humour), and it helps get me though the day.

Keep Well


    Bookmark   July 11, 2005 at 12:46PM
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Ah, Shirley, I wouldn't call it whining. You're not a whiner. You're a mother in pain. And it sounds to me as though you're doing an admirable job of dealing with it.


    Bookmark   July 11, 2005 at 9:46PM
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I also agree with what Susan said, Shirley. My gosh, you are not whining. I find birthdays so hard since I lost my daughter. Birthdays for me are a time for me to think about what could and should have been. It was very admirable for you and your husband to have gone to his birthday celebration!
I found that my grief became worse after the first year after Christin left us. I think for at least the first year, my body was in total disbelief and shock. It gradually wore off as my body could handle it even though it has been very hard. I still don't think I have reached full "acceptance". I don't think that will ever come.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter!

    Bookmark   July 13, 2005 at 6:29PM
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Thank you all for your kind words. Neither of us can let go of our emotions. We've both been sick with one thing or another every since Shelly died. Our PA said it was highly possible that this was our body's way of coping.

Our youngest daughter, Tanya, says that she writes letters to Shelly. I didn't think to ask her waht she does with them, but I'm thinking that's a good idea.


    Bookmark   July 14, 2005 at 8:29AM
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Shirley, I think it's a great idea. This should be very therapeutic for her. Any avenue to vent her feelings is a good one.

    Bookmark   July 15, 2005 at 1:18AM
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