My dad passed on 6-22-06, HELP!

hwingsJuly 6, 2006

Well, my dad passed..On Thur.,June 22 at age 65.

I am past the crying phase, I think..?

I am very confused these days. I have been loosing track of time, days, events..HELP!

How long does this last? When do things go back to normal?

What is normal? My birthday was the 1st, My favorite weekend of the year, I had no interest in the fireworks..Nothing..

I can't eat, I haven't cooked a meal yet..I can't wrap my mind around making a shopping list..I've sent my poor husband to the grocery store SO MANY times..I'm LOST!

When does this stop!?! I can't focus..This is very strange!

I have lost grandparents that were very close to me, why is this different?

I have started a new message becuase it's too painful to scroll down the story of his death..(my dad is teminally ill...)

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nikkiandjacksmom

hwings
So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my dad 7 months ago at age 68. everything you are feeling right now is part of the grieving process. I know how you feel and it sounds like how I am. My birthday was on the 3rd and I didnt celebrate either. I dont know what normal is. I am still trying to figure out how to get through this life changing experience myself. I try to find inspirational stories and I read alot of posts in here. It does help to know that other people are feeling the same way I am and they can relate to me better than most of my friends can. Try to keep yourself busy. I know its hard but they say busy hands make a busy mind. I took up gardening and reading. It helps a little. I slept alot, cried alot, and really didnt leave my house for the first 3-4 months. Now I push myself to do things. You will never be the same but you will get better little by little everyday that passes. There is no time limit on grief. Pain is pain, all we can do is try to heal ourselves, and thats no easy task when you have been hurt so badly. You will see your dad again in heaven, and that will be a very happy day. My thaughts and prayers are with you. Keep posting here and give yourself the time you need.

    Bookmark   July 6, 2006 at 7:59AM
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ladonna

Hi im so sorry for both of your loss's. I lost my mom a year ago June 17th. at the age of 66. I know what your refering to on loosing track of days ect....I still do it, not as bad, as I did though the first probably 6 months. My hardest times seem to be holidays, and my mom's birthday.
What you are feeling, is perfectly normal. Your in my thoughts and prayers. It does help to come here and whether you post, or just read on this forum will help you.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

    Bookmark   July 6, 2006 at 10:12AM
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sisrl

hwings, I'm so sorry for your loss. My daddy died 3 years ago. Everything you describe sounds so familiar. I felt the same way. Daddy was a large part of my life and I felt so lost. The first year was so hard. I cried often, sometimes for days at a time - off and on. I remember not wanting to participate in any holidays. It just wasn't the same. I didn't want to be around people much at all. And I asked myself the very same question that you did. I had also lost grandparents who were very close to me but it wasn't anything like the loss I felt when daddy died.

You asked when will this stop? I really can't answer that, I can just share my experience. After 3 years I still cry. Not every day, not every week. But it strikes like a sniper when a thought or a song reminds me of him or I am involved in something he would be there with me on.

Father's day was really hard this year. I was depressed for 3 weeks. I have heard some say time heals. Well for me time lenghthens the time between the times I feel sad but when the sadness comes, it feels the same as it did back then.

For me...It isn't a matter of getting over grieving, it is a matter of getting through each episode of sadness.

And it isn't all sadness. I think of daddy in good ways too and smile lots. Just his morning I was up at mom's washing my hands and saw the bottle of Old Spice on the bathroom shelf. Mom took it down several months ago but put it back after I complained. I picked up the bottle, took off the lid and took a big whiff. It smelled just like daddy. At one point that would have made me fall to pieces but today I could do it just fine.

Grief is such a personal thing. And it helps knowing others feel some of the things you do. This forum helped me so very much during that first year. I didn't post much, but read what others were going through. I also eventually went through some counseling to help get me out of the depression.

I guess the bottom line for me is that nobody loved me like my daddy did and I miss him every single day. But I also celebrate what his life was too. He was a great guy who was loved by so many.

By your post it is so very clear how much you loved your dad and it is so great that you got to say goodbye. That helps.

Hang in there sweetie.....We're in the boat with you.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2006 at 4:40PM
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lulie___wayne

I'm sorry for the grief you are going through. I know grief well, also. I've lost my 19 year old daughter and my mom who were both very, very close to me. As time goes by, you will feel better. Try to do things in your dad's memory. Sometimes it helps to do something productive for others to help yourself. In time, you will begin to feel like becoming active again. Always remember that your dad and mom gave you life and love you more than their own lives. Your dad would want you to live a happy, productive life and not let your grief paralyze you. I know it's hard and your grief is very fresh right now. It just takes time.
Lu

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

    Bookmark   July 10, 2006 at 4:57PM
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bluedbuchanan

I am so sorry for your loss. Loosing a parent is so much different than loosing your grandparent.

I too lost my grandmother who partially raised me. She passed away from lung cancer December 29 2004. That was hard, and I never ever thought I would get over it, and I swore I would never feel that kind of pain again.

Then I lost my best friend, my father, June 6, 2006 to lung cancer. Well I didn't feel the same pain again. It was worse, as my father and I were very close.

But you know, I am at peace with the way I lost my father I didn't have to watch hime die the way I did my grandmother. I/we didn't have to sit and watch him suffer over a 9 month period, like I did with my grandmother.

Dad died in two short weeks, from diagnosis to death. Dad exepted it and told me he would see me on the other side and that he loved me very much.

Yes, it is hard, and life does go on. People around us go on and it seems like we sit here in the moment.

I kept myself very busy with school and practical hours, just so I wouldn't have to grieve. Then bam....I had no choice but to take four days off. My world came crashing down around me. Boy did I grieve. I cried for four days straight. I needed it.

Now I am doing everything in my power to live life, enjoy life and help my mother and little brother go on. This is what my father would want.

All the feelings are normal. But please, try and enjoy life don't be a prisoner to life.

We are all in this cycle of life. I believe we are put here for a purpose. Most of us don't even know what that purpose is. But I do believe, once we have accomplished what it is we were put here to do, we go on.

This is my way of coping I guess.

Give yourself time.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2006 at 8:17PM
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hwings

Thank you all for of your kindness and sharing your stories with me. I am also sorry for everyone's loss(es).
I'm hanging tough right now..I'm watching in-laws take over the house and rampage thru it! I'm getting into the angry phase I think...How can people be so disgusting?

I still am not thinking, my husband still makes a daily trips to the grocery store..

My daughter turned 6 yesterday..During cake my 8 yr old said to the 6 yr old..Papa is smiling and watching over us..My dad LOVED his grandkids..The official party is Sun., I'm not looking forward to it..Dad wouldn't have missed it, not for nothing!! :-(

I don't look forward to Father's Day next year..Can't we cancel it? I'm kidding!

My brother and I have become a lot closer since Dad took ill. There's one good thing..

I am a stay at home mother of 4 little ones, ages 8, 6, 3 1/2, and 2. I keep busy, but so many things around the house or things that I do trigger memories.
I was going to message my husband's hands...Which brought me back to about 1 week before Dad passed. His arms and hands were dry..I started messaging his fingers, he said that felt GREAT..So, I went and grabbed the lotion and took care of his hands and arms..I will always remember that..I found the hospital bracelet yesterday, it was getting too tight around his wrist so I had them cut it off and give him a new one..I never realized he spent 11 days in the hospital and then he passed.
I can't believe 1 month ago he was driving his car and going out, now he's gone..He took such a bad turn so quickly..That DAMN caner killed him in 4 months! He was supposed to have 6-12 mos..I know noone knows, and he is not suffering anymore..The only ones that are suffering now are the ones that loved him..I know that I will get through this, he wouldn't want me crying all the time..Be strong for the kids, he would say..They are counting on you....
Again, Thank you all for your sympathy and understanding..
You all seem like a GREAT bunch of people..
God Bless,
Heather

    Bookmark   July 15, 2006 at 7:11AM
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