My Pain of loss
im a 15 year old boy and my mom passed away a week ago..
she was 44 and i loved her so much. we did everything together - like sking camping, and so many other things. she was my best friend. She had a bad advanced cancer.. she had breast cancer and had her chest removed. they took a scan and found our it was on her liver. =/ this was febuary. None of the chemos have worked on it.. so a nieghbor told us about B17 a vitamin in mexico ( to tell you the truth it works- it killed her 2 big tumors on her liver, but her liver was already damaged before we knew about it, and then she had to get a blood transfution which we also didnt know makes cancer spread very quickly.)
All the tumors in her body vanished, her liver was getting better but since the B17 kills cancer, it killed 2 huge tumors on her liver and so since they were dead, the body doesnt keep them so it started pushing out of her skin makin her in pain. Thats when everything went wrong casue we didnt know that you couldnt get a blood transfution..
I was visting her everyday in the hospital for about 4 weeks, and my dad steped out to the cafiteria, her breathing was slowing down(she hadnt spoke much the past 3 days) and she started breathing once every 10 seconds. i started panicking and kept telling her to breath
you dont know how i was braking down there- maybe some do but to myself i feel like anyone that has to go through that doesnt want to live
her hands felt cold and i screamed for a nurse and she didnt feel a pulse and she shook her head
i was histeraly crying i could believe it
im in such a bad depression right now
and im listening to the songs we used to sing together-
i didnt realize how many people get what they call "visiting" dreams! i had them for 4 days in a row- i think thats whats keeping me living to see her everynight
im sorry its so long, and I usually dont write this poorly..i was just "caught up in the moment..sorry