Missing my parents
I miss my Mom so much today. A friend stoped by the house and I heard the dogs barking and went to see who it was. My friend has red hair like my Mom, and she stoped by my little garden patch to look at the plants just like my Mom used to. The Other friend with her looked like my aunt. For just a split second I had my Mom and my heart leapt up in my chest! It was so disorentating. When they left I went and lay back down and just cried like a child. Cried like I have not cried for a long time. Daddy had died first. I was his baby and had such a special relationship with him. I was on chemo when he was dying and I thought the life would drain out of me. I begged my Momma to stay with me for at least a year, I really said that, Momma, promise me you wont die before a year is up. She lived fourteen months. I was able to be with her, I was not with Daddy. Maybe its the different relationship I had with them as parents or what, but the grief for my Dad was like a consuming fire and I could not go out, talk about it, hear songs that reminded me of him. But when Momma died I did not grieve the same way. It hurts just as much but the grief sneeks up on me and just surprises me and takes my breath away. She has been gone a year june 18 2009.I do have days that I do not cry. Its just not today. I just want to hold her, lay my head in her lap and feel her touch my hair. I want to hear her voice, hear her laugh or tell stories. Here I sit at the computer crying like a child, sounding like a child. I am a child, in the presence of my parents I will always, all ways, be a child. I am Louise's child, I am her youngest daughter.