father's day can you help

heydeborahJune 12, 2007

on feb. 22 i lost my husband of 25 our he was bedridden for 10 of these years (double above the knee amputee and a diabetic and a ton of other things) we kept him home and i was his caregiver along with our daughter - 19 and son 24, he had a massive stroke and was in a coma and i chose life support to be turned off. we all knew he was ill but we never thought this would happen. my daughter and i are keeping busy redorating the house -- on a thrift store budget so we don't have to think, it seems like he is still in bed and that he is just watching tv. i visit my Al everyday at the cemetary. our son on the other had has taken this so hard, he had to take a month off work-- doctor's orders and when he comes with me to the cemetary, he just cries and cries and shakes andis almost hysterical, he visits everyother day. my problem will be father's day, he is an assistant manager at a huge store so he booked father's day off. but i am just dreading sunday, on mothers day we spent a long time at the cemetary with him, it was not a good day. i've already told him that we are not planting flowers on sunday, since only the base of his monument is there so they won'd care about flowers when they put it in. also my husband was a graphic artist at the college here and he used a logo for his personnel things and ds went to vegas and came home with a tatoo of it just above his heart. we are a very close family and do everything together, but sunday is upsetting me. can you tell me what you did to cope!

hot in northern canada

debbie

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scotland

Debbie, If Al were still here, you and your kids would be celebrating what a wonderful father he was. Go do something that Al liked to do. See a movie, go to a game, or whatever Al loved. What did you do as a family when he was still active? And know that you're not struggling alone. I lost my father last week to Alzheimer's, and Sunday is going to be a minefield. Luckily, my children are young enough to provide a good bit of distraction. You and your children will be in my thoughts Sunday.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2007 at 11:49PM
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mav63_2007

I am so sorry for your loss, please accept my heartfelt condolences. Scotland had good advice, try to think of the wonderful things about Al, he would want you to be happy. This is the first Father's day since I lost my DH, my girls their DD and our grandchildren their Poppi. I know we are going to do our best not to be consumed with sadness because he wouldn't want that. I was told that after you get past all the "firsts" then they aren't so painful, I pray that is true.
God Bless you and your family. Come back and tell us how it went.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2007 at 7:23PM
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alisande

Yes, I think the best thing you can do is keep Al in the day. Talk with your kids about what you might do in the coming year to honor his memory. Perhaps organize a scholarship in his name? Or volunteer for a charity that was close to his heart?

You could sit down with them and look at pictures of happier family times. Tears are to be expected, but this might bring some smiles as well.

Tomorrow I'm giving my kids framed photos of each of them as babies with their father.

Do let us know how your day went.

Susan

    Bookmark   June 16, 2007 at 3:58PM
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heydeborah

well we all made it through another special day. matthew stayed over on sat. night and on sunday he and i went to the cemetary. matthew's girlfriends mom made a beautiful artifical arrangement to go on top of the stone (rule of the cemerary real flowers after may 20), he and i planted 4 red geraniums (one for me, one for him, one for our dd, and one for gracie joy divine), 2 white allisiums plants, 4 kind of orange daisies and purple pansies. we also put up a blue and white sphere on a stand (kindof like a gazing ball, blue and white for the yankees baseball and the toronto maple leafs hockey team, Al was a sports nut!) i think he would have really liked it, also we put 4 different glass birds, bluejays and robins, one for each of us on the base, however i had to glue this down this morning and i brought gracie joy divine with me, she usually stays in her basket but today of all days she decided it would be fun for me to run around the grounds (thankfully Al is in the new part and there is alot of just grass, i would have felt terrible if the plots were there, but again i could feel Al laaughing at us). matthew spent alot of time crying again and was so quiet till we took him back home (none of our kids drive).
Susan, we did have a scholarship in his name, and we also sponsored a hockey team and a baseball team (Al was really children orientated and was a certified coach, where no matter how you played you got equally time to play, it doesn't go well with alot of parents. and our son gives sporting equipment to the younger age sport players at cost or free. our daughter volunteers her time helping children to read better, and also helps at parks and recreation. i also volunteer my time at one of hockey associations that matthew played for when he was younger and he hasn't played there for 14 years! we also work bingos which help keep costs down for childrens sports. Al taught us all this, he has always been one to volunteer and never want or expect payment.
i do hope you all had a wonderful day yesterday. tomorrow will be another day and we'll see what that will bring.

it's so foggy here it looks like a snow storm!

debbie

    Bookmark   June 18, 2007 at 11:19PM
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