When does the Hurt stop

lisajonescollinsJune 20, 2008

Hi, my name is Lisa...I lost both of my parents in 1991 a month and 5 days apart.I was only 27 at the time.. My mom died of a massive heart attack and then my dad died from ALS...My brother got killed in a car wreck in 1987.. I was 24 and he was 28 it's been a long time that they have been gone..But, it still hurts and feels as if a piece of me is gone also.. I don't know what happy is anymore...I know there is a God and without his help I would not been able to go on....I have a great husband ..and a great daughter..from my first marriage..But, you know there in nothing like picking up the phone and calling your mom or dad..just to talk...to make things better for you..

Please, let me know when the hurts goes away...

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Zyperiris

Lisa, this reminds me of a man I dated some years ago. His father had died young of a botched operation..and his mother got hep c from a dentist needle and died at about 50. Ted was so sad. He always missed his parents. After he got a divorce he ended up in the therpist chair. He kept asking why...why why why. Finally the shrink said "Ted there is nothing wrong with you, things happen and we don't know why".

There is no easy answer for you. Look at it this way, you were very blessed to love your family so much that you do miss them. What a blessing to have such love. I have lost 6 people this year and a 7th is coming soon. It has been a bad year..but I keep focusing on the blessing they were to me. In that way they always live inside me so it doesn't hurt so bad. Take care sweetie. Don't cheat your little girl by not being a blessing to her out of grief and sadness.

    Bookmark   June 21, 2008 at 3:01AM
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sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry, you really have had a lot of loss all at once, & much too young.

As zyperiris said, sometimes bad things do happen like that, one thing after another, dealing you blow after blow.

I don't know that the hurt ever goes away completely, but we do get to the point that we can remember the good times & the good things about our loved ones with a smile.

...............
...............

On tv one night, somebody was talking about Princess Diana's "legacy";
a lot of her charities collapsed under the weight of squabbling & power struggles, & so what's left?

& the answer was "William".

She raised him to be a fine person with values & integrity...
He'll have a more profound effect for having been her son.

He's the next link in her chain of life.

The best way to honor your family is to nurture your daughter & raise her to be a fine person with values & integrity;
she's the next link in their chain of life.

Take care of yourself.

I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   June 22, 2008 at 4:32PM
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tenderchichi

That is so true, a time comes when "we can remember our Loved Ones with a Smile".

Before my Dad passed, I was forced to let go of Him a little at a time. Not because of Him but because of His circumstances in his home. He had been dealing with a difficult sibling for years with mental/drug issues. My mom was becoming senile. What a horrible situation he had and the entire family was alienated from it.

Throughout all this and the last years my Dear, Patient, Loyal, Good Hearted Daddy was growing older and weakening. He deserved so much better His Last Days here on earth. I cry to think of His suffering. Such a Good Man and Wonderful Father. Because of the situation he was in it was difficult for me to have the kind of relationship with Him that he needed and deserved. I could only Honor him throughout his miserable last days of existence. I would keep my mind on the good memories I had before my Dad got too old to control the situation. What a strong minded and loyal soul he was to the end.

My loss is greater then just the death of my Dad. It is also the loss of what his life could have been like had he not had those circumstances.

They say that sometimes there are two deaths. Sometimes people give up their hopes and dreams and bitterness sets in. It is as if their Spirit dies. That never happened to my Dad. He was taken from the Horror in which he lived before it could happen.

I miss my Dad and will Love him til we meet again...

    Bookmark   June 23, 2008 at 1:29AM
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satine_gw

To all. I really don't think the hurting ever stops. I lost my husband suddenly 7 years ago. I joined a grief group several months later and stayed with the group and it evolved into a "second step" group and remain friends with members of the group even today. The pain of losing him is almost too much-it is a physical pain, a hole in my soul. I did all that the group and books said to do ie stayed busy, never turned down an invitation did grief counseling several times with several different therapists etc. I had an 11 year old daughter when he died so I guess I never really could grieve the way I should have. I had the responsibility of raising my child and because she was with him when he died she suffered some long lasting difficulties. The bottom line is I still grieve every day.

    Bookmark   July 3, 2008 at 1:11PM
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donnawb

I don't think the hurting and missing someone ever really stops but you have to find a new normal because the old one is gone. I lost my sister in 1984 and still think of her and miss her. Lost my grandmother, a step daughter (22) and in July of 07 lost my dad. My mom just died in May of this year. I am 52 and sometimes I feel like I am an orphane. Very strange because I have always made my own decisions and never really asked my parents for advise but feel like what do I do now.

    Bookmark   July 3, 2008 at 8:43PM
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lovingmemory

I have to agree. You never truly stop hurting or missing someone in your life that has passed away. The pain does lessen but there are days when the ache for those you love will damn near devastate. I do agree that those that have lost both their parents do have a tendency to feel orphaned as my mom has expressed that on several occasions. Find comfort in the fact that you loved and were loved and try to move forward as best you can as a different you.

    Bookmark   August 9, 2012 at 6:51PM
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