long-distance boyfriend's mum died... I need help

girlfriendfailJune 24, 2009

I hope someone can help.. I feel like a horrible person.

I am in a long-distance relationship (not for much longer, we're moving!) but in a sudden, devastating turn of events, his mum had a stroke and died. I am not able to go and see him before he leaves to go to the funeral and etc (he is from another country, his parents were here visiting when it happened). I want to send him a care package or something, but I don't know what I can possibly send that will show how much I love him, am hurting for him, and want to support him. He's very logical, left-brained, focused... it's hard for him to show emotions but I know he is hurting very badly over this. Does anybody have any ideas of what I can say, write, send to help? Any guys been through this (I pray not...) and can advise on some things you might have wanted or needed to receive from someone if you were in this situation?

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You could consider posting a tribute on the web to show your caring and feature his mother along with any photos or video of time you may have spent together. Also you could create a special message or poem to show him that you are sad for his loss whch is also your loss because you will not have the option to experience his Mothers Joy. My son in law lost his mother last year. Like many men, it is hard to show emotion. There were cultural difference between our families. Our daughter showed her love and support by just being there for him. Even though at times she was ignored becuause his pain caused him to be unbalanced at times, she did not take this personlly. As the 'dust of his emotional toil' began to settle, and he could see further from his centre, there in the distance was his sweetheart.... wating and knowing that one day they would be each others strength. Never be afraid to show that you love him, and that you are there for him, inspite of others who may not always understand you.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2009 at 12:13AM
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Thank you Brent... for both the suggestion and the reminder that him closing off now is normal--it doesn't mean he is pulling away from me or needs me any less--he just can't see past himself and his grieving father too. I think I am going to send, among other things, two cards--a sympathy one and a 'love' one. One to remind him I am here for him in the pain of the present, and one to remind him of the future we have together and that things will be okay. Never the same, but we will make it... together.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2009 at 5:13PM
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My mom died 3 months ago, my grandma died last week. My dad, a left-brained engineer, was unable to think clearly after my mom died. I made meals, but perhaps you can send restaurant gift cards so he can get something quick to eat. If you decide to send a care package, perhaps include his favorite snacks. If you happen to have a photo of your friend and his mom together, send that. Good luck to you.

    Bookmark   June 29, 2009 at 4:20PM
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