Words of comfort

popi_gwJune 4, 2006

I have lost both my parents, and a baby boy, over the years, and I often think of what is the best thing someone could have said or done to help me with my grief.

Because I have been through all this grief I now think I can be in a postion to comfort others going through similar times, so what do you all think are some good words of comfort to say to people who have had a loss?

Real comforting words, its often hard to say the right thing, and not start raving on about ones own losses.

Also what help, physically, could you give grieving people ?

One of the things that would have helped me, was someone to just cook me some meals that could be put in the freezer.

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socks

Do you have any recollections of things which have been said to you which were meaningful? Those words would be good.

I think one of the best things is to just spend time with the grieving person, talking about the loss, or not. My neighbor called on me when my Dad died. I really didn't want to see her, but she kept standing at the door so I HAD to invite her in. We talked about my Dad, and after she left, I felt better.

I was standing alone at my mother's funeral, and my girlfriend came to stand with me. That meant a lot.

Someone wrote to me in a card, "It's so difficult to lose a parent." A bit understated maybe, but truthful and to the point. I felt the writer knew how I felt.

Sorry for all your losses; you've been through a lot.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2006 at 11:50PM
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lulie___wayne

I agree with Socks. People love talking about their deceased loved one. So many times, others are afraid to bring up the name of the person who has left. The grieving person never forgets, so it's not like they are being reminded of something painful. I think about my mom and Christin every single day. My loss is constantly with me. I appreciate it when people bring them up or tell me new things that I didn't know before, or tell me good things that they did or said or how they affected their life.
It's good to hear these things and know that others also keep their memory in their hearts.
LU

    Bookmark   June 6, 2006 at 12:12AM
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sudiepav

I would agree that allowing a grieving person to talk is very helpful. The months following our losses are sort of a blur to me, but now that nearly three years have passed, I find it so nice to be able to talk about Dave and Millie. Hearing things I didn't know about Dave from people who knew him from other perspectives has helped us greatly. I get the underlying feeling occasionally that people are thinking "Not this again" as I mention them, so I'm pretty careful about who I talk to. Bringing up a lost loved one is never inappropriate, in my opinion. People have said they were sorry to bring up a painful subject, but it's never just brought up. It's always somewhere in my mind, every day. The comment that really hurts is when someone says how glad they are to see that I've gotten over it. I will NEVER get over it; I'm just learning how to cope and to live a meaningful life in spite of what's happened to us.

    Bookmark   June 6, 2006 at 4:02PM
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popi_gw

I like the way that Italian, Greek women wear black when they are greiving. I think that is a good thing so people know you are in a delicate state, and just need to be treated tenderly.

So many things can make you feel a little better, when you are grieving, like a hug, a hand that holds yours, a flower, a visit to a coffee shop, a walk along the beach. Just someone to guide you and look after you, and make all the decisions for you. Just someone who says, I know what you are going through, I am respectful of your loss, I am walking that road with you.

Some of the really insensitve things that where said to me are, " Are you still upset about that", "Just have another baby" . I think its hard for people to have any concept as to how you are feeling, and although they are well meaning, it really does not help.

I think we have to take responsibility for our grief and ask for help, and tell people "I need this". I wish that I had done that when I was bogged down with a broken heart, but I was young and didnt know what I know now.

My little boy died in 1980, so long ago now, but still tears fall, the sadness still bubbles over, I have a private sob, and then get on with things. Its like my heart is in a thousand pieces.

    Bookmark   June 6, 2006 at 10:07PM
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