berniekellyJune 14, 2007

My husband died suddenly on the 16th March 2007. I have a six year old daughter. In the beginning both of us seemed to be doing really well. However in the last few weeks we both seem to be sadder and down in ourselves. Its as though everything reminds us of him. this week her first tooth was loose and I know she had thought of running upstairs to tell daddy only to realise he wasn't there. She feels lost and I feel so empty. When people see us out and about and she is playing happily with her friends they think we are ok but if they only knew how empty the house is without him. I have even noticed she is turning the tv up - i think to make some noise in the house.

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I am so sorry for you and your daughter for your terrible loss.
Yes, in the beginning you think that you are doing really well but then reality sets in with a bang. In the beginning you are on auto pilot and your brain just can't comprehend what happened then after a few weeks it becomes real and very scary.
If you read the other postings on this site you will see that what you are going through is just the same as all of us. Talk to us and we will do our best to help you. In the mean time I am adding you and you little girl to my prayers that God will help you get through.
God Bless you both.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2007 at 11:00PM
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Please accept my condolences and deepest sympathy. My wife passed on April 30 and I also have young children. I've noticed the same thing with my boys turning the TV up. They also follow me around so closely that if I am not careful, I'll trip over them.

You will go through all sorts of emotional swings and your daughter too. Everone tells me it's normal but that doesn't lessen the impact or empty feeling.

Unfortunately, you now belong to a 'club' that no one ever wants to join - please check back in often and let us know how you are doing. Even if we can't help, you'll know that you aren't alone in this experience - and that is helpful all by itself.

I'll also pray for you and your daughter. Prayer has helped me a great deal.

Best wishes, Doc

    Bookmark   June 15, 2007 at 8:46AM
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Thanks for your messages. At least I know its normal for a while there I thought that I was going through emotions back to front. I threw out all his clothes etc except for a few sentimental bits and now I miss them. I would love to see his black leather jacket again. He took such care of it and I don't know I thought it was the right thing to do but now I wish I had waited - it mightn't have seemed like he disappeared out of the house as quickly. I got so much advise in the beginning from family about not making a shrine to him or holding on to to much of his stuff - I just wish someone had said slow down theres no hurry.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2007 at 1:45PM
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I know what you mean. I did throw out some old clothing but then I stopped myself. I figured there will be time for that later.

One thing bothers me, sometimes I can't recall my wife's voice. :(


    Bookmark   June 15, 2007 at 2:23PM
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I took all my husbands clothes and packed them away upstairs, that was hard enough to do, I'm just not ready to give them up yet.People told me not to make any decisions for the first year.
I am very lucky, my DH was in a theatre group and they video taped every show they did so I will be able to hear him whenever I want to, I just haven't been able to do it yet.
If you want to make a shrine, you make one, I have a sort of shrine and I dare anyone to say anything, it's my life.
Be good to yourself and do what feels right to you.
God Bless.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2007 at 4:02PM
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My sympathies as well, my friend. This is a horrible train to hitch on to, but it seems we have lots of company. I lost my husband on April 17 of this year, and I have been on an emotional roller coaster. My 17-yr. old stepson is now starting to show his anger, and I expect this to get really bad before it gets better.

You have some wonderful support on this forum, so lean on those of us who are also walking down this road. It really helps to talk to others who understand - no emotion is 'wrong' - we all grieve differently.

Take your time and don't make any decisions yet - give it 6 months or a year - I am experiencing some of the same guilty feelings about disposing of his things. I wanted some Maalox to give our dog for an upset stomach - you guessed it - I threw it all out the week my husband died - I couldn't look at all those bottles of maalox - reminded me of how sick he was.

Keep us posted on how you and your daughter are faring - we all care!

    Bookmark   June 16, 2007 at 7:46AM
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Doc8404 know what you mean I can only picture my husband as he was in the last few weeks before he died - I cannot get a clear image in my head as he was before. today was a tough day (Fathers Day) we lit a candle in the church and put some flowers on his grave - do you know he had kept every Fathers Day card he was given and he used to call me sentimenal. I was surprise and delighted to find them among his things. my little one brought me coffee in bed this morning instead she missed him a lot today but a few of her friends have called and she is out playing now.

    Bookmark   June 17, 2007 at 2:45PM
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I prayed for so long that the images of my DH last few days would be erased from my memory and after 6 1/2 months I can tell you that they are getting more blurry every day, thank God. I can only recalled them if I really try, which, as you can imagine, I don't do often. I am getting much better at recalling the better times.Take heart and pray, it will happen.

    Bookmark   June 17, 2007 at 9:37PM
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