I lost My Beloved Mother

troyellisJune 28, 2007

My mother passed away just over a month ago, on May 25, 2007. She had lived with me and was my friend and companion. As a result of cirrohsis of the liver which was diagnosed 2 years ago, she was mostly homebound and unable to enjoy life as she would have liked to. I caregived for her, got her anything and everything she needed, did more than the best I could. I gave her a lot of my time by being home and not working, not going out too often.

It has been a very, very rough time for me the past month. I have my sisters and my better half (not living with me) that provide me with ample support. But I miss my Mother so very much, that her loss has left me with a void and emptiness second to none that I have experienced. I am so lonely I cannot describe the feeling. And I cry like there is no tomorrow. There has not been a single day since she is gone that I have not cried like a child. It is not that I just feel like crying, I truly miss her. I see her empty chair or bed and break down. It is so hard. The house has memory of her in every inch of space. So very hard to realize she is no longer in my life. I am so broken.

Relatives and friends, that attended the service and have disappeared since, kept telling me how much I had done for my mother and that I should relish in that thought. I don't. What I did was out of love and I have never felt the need to conclude that and be satisfied enough to move on. What others dont understand is that I miss her. I miss her terribly. It is not about how much I did for her.

My mother had just turned 78. I celebrated her bday at home and got her her fav icecream. And a gift. ANd a huge hug and kisses. She liked that. And when I tucked her in every night, she would tell me how much she loved me and thanked me for taking care of her.

I will always, forever miss her. She was a lovely woman. My mother.

Troy.

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alisande

You will forever miss her, Troy. And you will forever remember her. At some point, not soon, you will be able to smile at many of those memories. But right now you've lost not only your mother, but your role as caregiver. This leaves an emotional void in itself.

I hope you believe in an afterlife and that your mother is still very much with you. I'm not the slightest bit religious, but I believe that absolutely.

Susan

    Bookmark   June 28, 2007 at 10:22PM
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mary1nys

Oh Troy I know..my mother passed away on March 21 from colon cancer at the age of 80. I have 13 brothers and sisters and I was the one that was with her when she passed. I miss her so very much as she made every one of her children feel special. I get so sad that I can cry for hours and I think of how I can never talk to her again. People will often say that it was so good that I was there and that I did everything I could for her..but I just miss her...so plain and so very simple. I just miss her.

    Bookmark   July 13, 2007 at 12:24PM
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loagiehoagie

Mary and Troy, I know where you both are coming from. I love my wife, and I love my dad..and sisters. But I have never loved anyone as much as I loved my mom. I know it is a strange thing to say, but I feel some comfort in knowing that life cannot take away anything 'stronger' from me ever because they took the person I loved the most already.

That is not to say if my sisters, wife or father go before me I won't grieve, but I have had what I think is the worst feeling in 'my life' and nothing else could be quite as devastating.

Mary, that sums it up perfectly....
'I just miss her...so plain and so very simple. I just miss her.'

Duane

    Bookmark   July 14, 2007 at 9:51AM
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