I lost My Beloved Mother
My mother passed away just over a month ago, on May 25, 2007. She had lived with me and was my friend and companion. As a result of cirrohsis of the liver which was diagnosed 2 years ago, she was mostly homebound and unable to enjoy life as she would have liked to. I caregived for her, got her anything and everything she needed, did more than the best I could. I gave her a lot of my time by being home and not working, not going out too often.
It has been a very, very rough time for me the past month. I have my sisters and my better half (not living with me) that provide me with ample support. But I miss my Mother so very much, that her loss has left me with a void and emptiness second to none that I have experienced. I am so lonely I cannot describe the feeling. And I cry like there is no tomorrow. There has not been a single day since she is gone that I have not cried like a child. It is not that I just feel like crying, I truly miss her. I see her empty chair or bed and break down. It is so hard. The house has memory of her in every inch of space. So very hard to realize she is no longer in my life. I am so broken.
Relatives and friends, that attended the service and have disappeared since, kept telling me how much I had done for my mother and that I should relish in that thought. I don't. What I did was out of love and I have never felt the need to conclude that and be satisfied enough to move on. What others dont understand is that I miss her. I miss her terribly. It is not about how much I did for her.
My mother had just turned 78. I celebrated her bday at home and got her her fav icecream. And a gift. ANd a huge hug and kisses. She liked that. And when I tucked her in every night, she would tell me how much she loved me and thanked me for taking care of her.
I will always, forever miss her. She was a lovely woman. My mother.