berniekellyJune 19, 2007

How is everyone - I am just writing to have a general moan, I am finding myself alone again, my little girl is at a neighbours house, she seems to go out of the house to play as much as possible which kinda leaves me stranded. I tidied up a bit but couldn't really get into it and had a bath which wasn't relaxing and then i turned on the computer and started looking at kitchen designs - I just want to be doing something but what, I have decorated, re-arranged furniture, bought a few bits and now I am on to bigger plans the kitchen - it has needed replacing with years but we always put it off and now I think weren't we silly (any few pound we had was put away for a rainy day). To day the holiday I mentioned last night seems like a really bad idea - I will go out of mind sitting on a deck chair watching other families - I might arrange a short trip with family instead then again I might change my mind tomorrow. Do you find you cannot settle and just feel contented - I try to read or watch tv but my mind wanders. All day to day I have missed Hugh.

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I know now that you are writing from Britain, I am from Sunderland but living in the US.I know also that you haven't really grasped the concept that this is your life now, I know because I am going through the same thing. It has been almost 7 months for me and I am just starting to come down to earth and not thinking "this isn't real, pretty soon my life will get back to normal, he will be home again and everything will be OK".There isn't much I can tell you except trust in God, talk to him, he can help.Talk to Hugh, tell him how you feel, I talk to Bob. It isn't easy. Have you looked for a Bereavement Group in your area? I joined one at our local hospital and it has been very helpful, somewhere to go to meet other people going through the same thing and you can cry and no one will judge you, they will even hug you if you neeed a hug.There may be a Breavement Group for your daughter or one for Parent and Child. It is too hard to try to do this alone.
God Bless you both, keep in touch.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2007 at 4:46PM
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I am sorry for your loss, and yes - I can relate to what you are going through. Call your hospice service and ask for their grief counselor. They have one-on-one sessions and group sessions. Also, the Catholic church has grief sessions which you could attend.

    Bookmark   June 22, 2007 at 9:22AM
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Isn't it terrible but I am unable to pray. Hugh wasn't relegious when your gone your gone was his way of thinking. One of the prayers of the faithfully at his funeral was
'as death surprised him with its suddeness may God surprise him with his kindness'.

I can talk to Hugh and ask him is he ok, I like visiting the grave and making it look nice. I planted some flowers which are beginning to bloom.

By the way I live in Ireland and I have a good family who are supportive but sometimes its nice to have someone else to talk to.

Today was an upsetting day, I got a cheque from the credit union, closing his account.

    Bookmark   July 3, 2007 at 3:48PM
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Honey, give yourself time and you will be able to pray again, if you want to, God knows what is in your heart. When I got my husband's Life Insurance cheque I just wanted it out of the house, I took it straight to the bank and told the manager just to open some kind of account. It was more money than I have ever had (maybe not for someone else) but I just couldn't think of it because I didn't want it.
I am glad you have family around you, that must help.I hope that you have a better day tomorrow, take them one at a time.
God Bless.

    Bookmark   July 3, 2007 at 5:23PM
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