Anyone lost someone in a 'freak' accident?

flgirl2005June 30, 2005

I just came across this forum and I was wondering if anyone had loss their spouse or loved one in a freak accident. I just lost my husband 6/6 from an accident involving a brain injury from a horse. It's possible it would be just as hard had it been a car accident or something that seems more likely. I'm having a hard time dealing with the way he went and being there when it happened. All of this is just harder than I could ever have imagined. I would also be interested in hearing from people with small children. I have three, 7,4,and 2 who were also with us at the time of the accident. I sent them inside as soon as it happened, but I know we are all deeply affected by what we saw. He lived for five days after the accident and was then declared brain dead and there were all of those decisions to make about removing life support, etc. You just can help but wonder what are the chances of something like this happening.

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My deepest sympathies to you and your children. You must all still be in shock. I don't know if this qualifies as a "freak" accident or not, since it was a car, but I lost my son and oldest granddaughter 2 years ago when an old lady (in Florida, by the way) misread a traffic signal, ran a red light and broadsided the SUV that Dave and Millie were in. The car flipped, slid down the road and was split in half by a road sign. They died instantly. We of course didn't see it, but when we went 2 days later for the funeral, we saw the pole all scratched up and dented, and a few small car parts till there. The impact of the accident was clear. We can't help but wonder why they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. If they had been going a little faster or slower, it never would have happened.

I hope you'll find the support you need, maybe here and with family and friends. Please keep in touch and let us know how you and the children are doing. Again, my deepest sympathies.

    Bookmark   July 5, 2005 at 2:02PM
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A friend in grade school lost his mother in a heartbreaking way. He was riding his bike around the neighborhood, and his mother took his bike and got on it to ride around and show him a few things. She was hit and killed by a car.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is so personal and it can be so hard for other people to truly understand how you are feeling, but I am so sorry. Feel free to post some more. I've been lurking here for awhile before finally making a post, and have gotten some great feedback--a couple of rude posts as well, but that's going to happen in any online forum.

    Bookmark   July 6, 2005 at 7:24PM
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flgirl...How are you and your children doing? You've been much in my thoughts since you related your heartbreaking story. Please let us know if you're coping.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2005 at 2:11PM
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Hello oddtree and sudiepav,

Thank you for your kind words and your replies. We are doing o.k. It is all so much harder than I could have ever imagined. The kids seem to be doing good all things considered. I've just been trying to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. There's so much to take care of. I've decided I will just try to work hard and keep everything up around here. I'm blessed with caring friends, family, and neighbors, (even though I hate to ask for help).

A sweet lady directed me to another website, for people grieving the loss of a spouse. It has been a great comfort. Sadly, I realize there are so many people out there going through the same thing and many were sudden deaths also.

Thanks so much for your prayers.


    Bookmark   July 7, 2005 at 5:42PM
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I lost my little boy just over a year ago from a drowning accident. He didn't actually die in the water but later in the hospital.I wasn't there when he had the accident..He was with the babysitter while my husband & I were working. I felt so helpless since I wasn't there & sometimes I convince myself that if I was he would be still alive. I don't blame the babysitter by any means but I'm sure any parent would feel the same. I am grateful that I was able to hold him & tell him how much I loved him before he took his last breath..I was able to say goodbye. Not something anyone could ever be prepared for. I miss him terribly & feel him with me all the time.

    Bookmark   July 12, 2005 at 12:48PM
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sort of...started out as a stable hand, and saw about every horrible thing that can come from the combination of horse and human, as well as every beautiful thing

the relationship between horse and human (rider, hand, or bystander) is a unique one, and an accident involving one is particularly hard to witness. there is something about having to watch that partnership fail (by action, obstacle, or accident) that's traumatic in a way that's hard to describe...

and then you have the special grief of losing a loved one in the prime of their life

and the special pain of having to take part in a death that took days

and the needs of your household, and your children, and his family...

in some ways, emotional shock is what keeps us from realizing the truth of the full weight we carry in times like this, until we have already become accustomed to it, and are strong enough to carry it.

my prayers with you all. I wish I had more to offer.

    Bookmark   July 12, 2005 at 2:00PM
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and father of your children. I'm also so sorry that you all had to witness it. I can imagine that seeing it happen adds a whole different layer of grief to what you are experiencing.
I don't really know if this is a freak accident or not, but my 19 year old daughter died because of our dog getting hit by a car. She was searching for him as he slipped out of her apartment while she was dogsitting for my son. She searched and searched for a few hours and finally saw him crossing a railroad track. She drove her car to the direction where he was going and when she got across the track, he had just been hit by a car. She parked her car and got out to see about him. She was petting him and waving cars around him so that he wouldn't get hit again. A driver who was fighting with his girlfriend on their way home from a bar hit her with his vehicle.
She had so much to offer society and was a great person. Things like this just make no sense.
Pleae continue to come to our forum. We truly care and want to help.

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

    Bookmark   July 13, 2005 at 6:14PM
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Thank you all so much for your kind words. Bryce's mommy, I can't imagine what you're going through. I know the love for our children is different than the love for our husbands. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Lulie, that's a horrible scene to imagine losing your daugther that way. You wonder so much about circumstances and events that lead up to your loved one being where they were at that particular moment. You want to know, what are the chances?? One in five hundred, one in a million? It's just hard to fathom. No, these things don't make sense. I quit trying to find an answer, because even if we knew an answer, it wouldn't be good enough. I almost can't tolerate it when someone tells me, something good will come from it. What can possibly be good about my children growing up without their Daddy?

I believe we will see our loved ones again. A friend told me last night: Ricky's not in your past, he's in your future. It does help a little to think of it that way.

Thank you all for sharing with me.

    Bookmark   July 13, 2005 at 10:00PM
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I like that.... our loved ones being in our future and not in our past. I guess they are in our past and our future, as well as in the present since I believe that their spirits are with us.

    Bookmark   July 15, 2005 at 1:20AM
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I just found this forum and there is so much sadness in the world...Just 2 weekks ago we lost my oldest son's wife. She had broken her ankle and had to have it pinned, but came home and was doing great..5 days later, she said to my son, my leg is really hurting and he asked if she wanted a pain pill and that quick she was gone. The doctors all feel it was a blood clot. We all pray to be able to go that quick but not at such an ealy age, 48. They had been married 30 years, have 4 children, 29. 27. 13 and the apple of her mother's eye, a little girl 10. We're still in shock, walking around in a daze...I know you shouldn't question why these things happen, but it's so hard not to get angry and ask WHY?

    Bookmark   July 15, 2005 at 8:30PM
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I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter-in-law. That's another one of those things that just seems so crazy. No matter how hard you try, you just can't make it make sense. You will drive yourself crazy trying to understand why it happened. After the past six weeks, and thinking about it so much, I can only tell you there is no answer. Even if we knew the answer, it wouldn't be good enough. What possible good answer could there be for children to lose their parent? As far as anger, my pastor told me when Ricky passed, that I would have doubt, fear, guilt, anger, etc. and that it's o.k. God knows your heart. He wouldn't have given us all of these emotions if we weren't supposed to have them.

My husband was 45, close to your dil's age. I don't know if your son frequents the internet or not, but I've gotten a lot of solace from a site, Widownet. As a matter of fact, I've been amazed at the number of people who have lost their spouses suddenly. I mean, you know death happens all of the time, but you really can't relate until it happens to you. I remember being at the 2 wk point. I was still in shock I think that it had even happened. I had to convince myself every morning that it really did happen. I just couldn't believe that he wasn't still somewhere on this Earth, that he wouldn't come through that door at any minute. I am so sorry for your family. I know this has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and I will be praying for you all to have a peace about things. That's all we can do I think, is pray for peace and mercy.

You're in my prayers,

    Bookmark   July 15, 2005 at 10:35PM
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Sharita, Thank you so much for your prayers and kind words...I will pass along all the information to my son..I"ve always believed, things happen for a reason. When my 2nd son was diagnosed with Hogkins, it drew the family much closer, when that son had a slight heart attack in May, I said, OK, that was a warning and they took care of the problem and that's that. But when this happened, I'm at a loss...But, like you said, prayer...Thanks again, Dorothy

    Bookmark   July 16, 2005 at 11:23AM
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