In Memory of Leah Rose
June 10th was a happy day...we were having a baby shower for my daughter Robyn. Robyn was due to have her baby girl Leah Rose on June 17th. We all were laughing and having a good time. Robyn showed everyone how the baby was kicking and making her belly move. My other daughter Angel, is also pregnant and due in December. Robyn and Angel are so close and love each other like sisters so but they were like twins sharing an emotional bond. Robyn went for her routine checkup, we figured her last before the baby came. It was then that Robyn found was told that there her baby had no heartbeat. After a few more tests it was confirmed the baby had died. When I recieved the call I was devastated but now I also had to call my other daughter and tell her.
We all went with Robyn to the hospital. She had labor induced...it took 12 hours...12 long hours. Robyn tried to be strong...talking about everything but what was happening. Her husband was tryig to be brave for her too. All the while I kept praying that the doctors were wrong and we would soon have a healthy baby. When the time came for delivery Robyn asked for her sister Angel and her husband to be there with her. We all waited and finally Angel came in and told us...its all over. I waited and waited for her to say they baby was alive but she didn't. I creid and cried. Angel cried with me...she was heartbroken for her sister and terrified for herself and her unborn baby. How was she supposed to be pregnant in front of her sister now?
Later Robyn and her husband had us come to the room and see the baby....I didn't go in. I hung back outside for a while. I finally went in and peeked around the curtain. What I saw and heard will never leave me.... my little girl sobbing while holding her little girl. She looked up at me and the pain and grief on her face was so heartwrenching. I had now words this time to help her, there wasn't a thing mom could do to ease her pain. I came around and sat with her. I held my granddaughter Leah Rose for the first and last time. I looked at her little "sleeping" face begging her to open her eyes. Without realizing it at first I found myself rocking her. I wish now I had held her longer.
Now the task of the funeral and telling the siblings what happened and why the baby wasn't coming home with mommy.
The day before her funeral was Leah's due date, it was also Father's day. The day was so sad and gloomy. I thank my daughters other children for making the day go a little faster.
We have all gotten through the funeral and the last few days. But I still fill so numb. My daughter lives an hour away and I feel horrible each moment I can't be with her. Sometimes I think she's handling it better than I am. I call her when I can't be there. She tells me she has bad moments and her arms ache. It's only been a week and I just don't know how we are all going to get through this,. I know we will but wish I know how and when.....