so confused

amom2_2006June 30, 2006

My son died on May 31st and I know it has only been a few weeks but the sadness is so overwhelming. I guess I am just wondering how long one waits before they look into some kind of counseling. I am still in a kind of fog but it seems like or at least I feel like I should be taking some kind of message from this death and doing something...but I don't know what that is. I miss him terribly and feel sort of alone...I really have no happiness and all I do is pray and this ever going to end...I would appreciate anything you can suggest for me...

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I can not even imagine the pain you must be going through right now. My heart is breaking for you. I lost my husband in 2002 and know the pain of losing someone you love. Counseling can really help. You will find that there is no set time for the grieving process to begin or end. It is so different with each person. The thing that seemed to help me most was to just have people to talk to that understood my pain. Don't even be hesitant about talking about your son. Please let me know if I can help. I don't always have the right answers but I am a good listener.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2006 at 11:25AM
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I am so sorry for your loss. We are good listeners here and all have experienced the pain of grief. Please tell us about your son.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2006 at 11:33AM
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I went to a counselor the day after my daughter died. I was fortunate that I knew someone; she was a friend of mine. Five years later I still go, but not nearly as often. Of course, she's helped with other issues, such as my husband's long illness and death last year, but underlying everything is my grief at losing Jill. That's to be expected.

I hope you find someone to help you. And yes, please tell us about your son.


    Bookmark   June 30, 2006 at 2:02PM
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I really know your pain, my daughter died May 28th this year aged 23 very sudden, we still don't know why she died, autopsy result showed nothing and toxocology results are still pending. My husband and I seen a griefcouncelor about 2 weeks after her passing, it helped a little and we see him again in july, I also read lots of books about grieving, the afterlife etc,.
Please give yourself a lot of time to grief, and be kind to yourself, you need time to heal, a lot of time, speak about your son, and speak to him,I believe he can hear you, pray a lot, think about all the happy times you had with him.
Grieving is different for everybody, and we all deal with it in a different way, if you feel the need to see a griefcounselor now please do, do what you need to do for yourself.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2006 at 10:32PM
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My son was also 23 years old and we are still confused about his death...the toxocology reports are also pending...though he wasn't a real drinker or drug person..he had just gotten engaged and really his life was headed in a good direction so I really don't understand...I try to talk to people when they come over but, all I do is cry and if they start to cry I feel bad for them and of course if I cry they do to so I have kind of avoided people lately...even at 23 he kissed me goodnight (on the top of my head) whenever he was here...he always told me he loved me and even though we did have our disagreements he was a very loving guy and always tried so hard to be kind to others...I can't believe the letters and cards that people have sent me with kind stories about him and what he did to help them or cheer them up...things I never knew...I have 2 other sons and he was the middle...just a little family that I fought and scraped for to get through some tough times...and it seemed like life was good for us...not rich but happy and loving...I guess I never knew just how happy I was until now when I see how unhappiness feels...its so sad to me that I just can't seem to feel anything...and I have a teenager that needs me to be there for him...and his older brother (my oldest son) they just seem so lost and sad and I can't make it better for them...I've always been the strong one and I am so alone and scared that I won't be able to pull my little family through this one...I do pray and I do have a strong faith and a supportive extended family I said I can't be there for everyone else because when they see me they don't want me to be so sad and yet I just can't help it....there are just so many feelings overwhelming me...

    Bookmark   July 1, 2006 at 12:42AM
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I'm very sorry about the loss of your precious son. I too, am a bereaved mom. My young, 19 year old daughter died suddenly after trying to save our dog's life. She was hit by a truck. I know the helplessness that you are feeling. I have one surviving son and I know he loved his sister dearly and misses her terribly, but I can't do anything to help him. So, not only do we grieve for ourselves, but also for our surviving children. It truly is a helpless feeling.
If you feel that you need a counselor, I would go as soon as possible. Some things in this life just can't be understood. I would imagine that part of your grief now is from not understanding his death or the cause. I too, can't understand why a precious girl like Christin who had so much to offer the world had to leave so soon.
Do your best to get the answers you need, talk about your son, get information about him from his friends, and grieve for him just like you need to. Try to remember that you will see him again. That's what keeps me going.

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site

    Bookmark   July 1, 2006 at 10:09AM
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I am so sorry to hear about your son. We, too, have 3 boys, and this child,our oldest, was killed 3 years ago along with his little girl, our granddaughter. They were hit by an old lady in FL who ran a red light at 9:00 AM and brooadsided them. You are still in shock. I'm trying to remember how we felt at one month out, and all I can remember is how crushing the grief felt. My husband and I worked through things together, but I wouldn't hesitate to call a grief counselor if I felt that it would help me. A grief support group was also recommended to us, but after reading up on it, I didn't think it would be of use to us. After 3 years, we are better, but the sense of our loss is still overwhelming to me. Give yourself time. This is a hard process and there are no shortcuts. Please post here...there are many of us who are ready to hear from you and how you are doing. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Bookmark   July 1, 2006 at 3:54PM
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It's wonderful that you're hearing stories about the good things your son did. Some people achieve more in a very short life than some others do in a long one.

We should also mention the Compassionate Friends, a support group for parents who have lost a child of any age. I haven't had personal experience with it, but I know many people have been helped this way.


    Bookmark   July 1, 2006 at 6:26PM
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Thnak you for your kindness...each and everyone of you...this is a nice way to air my thoughts and feelings...I appreciate your help

    Bookmark   July 1, 2006 at 7:30PM
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear son. I lost my twin sister 6 years ago to cancer, and the hole in my heart will never heal. I hope it helps you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

    Bookmark   July 3, 2006 at 11:19AM
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