My dad recently passed away

kristopcJune 7, 2009

Im 22 years old. My dad recently passed away couple of weeks ago. He was 56 and passed away from a brain hemorrhage. It was pretty sudden. The hardest part was that our relationship with each other was growing so much. I have a younger sister whos 14 and I dont know how to help her thought this tough time as well. Now im supposed to be the "man of the house", but its hard. I find myself just wasting days, not doing anything, which isnt good because I'm a college student. I find myself crying and replaying the day I found out, over and over in my head. I just wish I can talk to him one last time to tell him how much i really appreciate him and love him. I just miss him so much. Everything about him.

I know a lot of people here had to deal with similar situations. If there is any advise that you guys can give me to help me overcome this difficult time, it would be great. I feel like i have no one to talk to, especially on matter like this. None of my friends can understand.

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If you attend church, get your pastor/priest to recommend someone in the church that you can confide in; contact the hospital and ask them to give you names of anyone who you can discuss your emotions with(someone who is trained to deal with grief issues), look for a "grief therapy" group, if your family has medical insurance you can check to see if it covers pyschological visits.

You shouldn't really try to be the man of the house - you are a young adult, but you really shouldn't try to take on the burden of being 'the man of the house'. Your younger sibling should also get into counseling/grief therapy I would imagine.

My husband's mother died when he was 10 years old and it took him YEARS to get past that mainly because no one got him any counseling

I am sorry about your Father's death - it is hard to lose anyone we love no matter at what age they are or what age we are.

Carolyn (who has to deal with the death of four family members in less than one year).

    Bookmark   June 7, 2009 at 9:56PM
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Hi, I lost my mom in November, suddenly in her sleep, no idea it was coming. Its so hard when we can't say goodbye..but through these long hard months I have found that it helps to talk about it, don't hide it, don't try to be strong or brave. Cry when you need to cry, look at pictures right away, we can't hide from it , its better to face it head on. I have had people tell me , you can't let your kids see you fall apart, you need to be strong. To this I say..No, you need to grieve, you need to feel sad, to miss them. As far as your sister goes, talk to her..try to talk about the good times, and how you are going to make it. Don't let yourself go back to the day..when it starts to happen just pray to God to block that day so you don't dwell on it...I NEVER let my mind go there..and every time it trys I start praying and then make myself go to another place. It also really helps to write down what you are feeling..I can write forever and just bawl and let it poor out and then when I am done it seems to have helped a little. My dad has given me a lot of this advise as he is suffering to and has great loss over his life I am finding the best therapy is to talk to those who miss him like you..some just will never understand because until you have had that experience you just don't understand, I myself am guilty of the same thing..also, don't play the what if , I find myself doing the "I should have, I wish I would have,..I know my mom would never want me to feel quilty or dwell on those things, and I'm sure your dad wouldn't either. I will say a prayer for you when I am done with this...say your prayers , it really will help..just ask the Good Lord to carry you through these times and you and your sister be there to talk and lean on one another. God bless you.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 11:46PM
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I am so sorry for your loss.
Its a little crazy to say those words to you because I thought I would flip out as people said that to me at the funeral home on the night of my Dad's viewing. People kept saying I am sorry for your loss... I finally said to someone, for Gods sake he isnt lost he's dead!I did quiet a bit of flipping out in the first few months after he died. It was sudden even though he was dying of lung cancer. One morning he woke up early as always and told my sister he wanted eggs for breakfast and she helped him get on the potty chair and then went to start his breakfast, she popped her head back in the living room a few seconds later to see if he was done on the potty and he was dead.
His heart just stopped.
I still talk to my Dad. I look at his pictures and I pour my heart out just like if he was in the room with me. I have a deep and abiding faith that there is an after life, that there is a spirit world where we are reunited with our loved ones.
I was on chemo therapy when he died. I also was in college.
I took a week off at first and since we were past spring break I did my best to finish up the semester. I only dropped one class. I wish I had not dropped the class. I tried to go back the next semester but even with a very light load it was emotionally too much. Its been two years since he died. I am planning to return to school in january 2010.
You are not 'the man of the house'. You may be the only male or the oldest male but your Dad was the man of the house and its just too much preasure to on you.
Be a great big brother to your sister, allow yourself to feel what you really feel. Let her see your grief when it comes. Remember the good times together and tell 'Dad' stories.
Laugh as much as you can. My sister moved in with my Momma after Dad passed. She would rent really funny movies to show Momma. My Mom's favorite movie was 'white chicks'.
Isn't that a hoot? This dignified (almost) 77 year old woman getting histerical over white chicks? It still cracks me up to remember it.
Do things to celebrate his life. Plant a tree, or donate a bench to a park in his name. There are lots of things you can do on very little money to remember him. I planted a 'forgivness garden' right after we found out he was dying of cancer.
I was told this by a friend from church:
"Never forget that your Father is with his Father in heaven now. He is surronded my loving relatives who have waited a long time for his return."
Your Dad is too. Hey, maybe they even know each other???
Try a grief support group. I still go to one sponcered by the hospice that took care of my both of my parents.
God bless you, you will survive this. I promise. Heavenly Father will NEVER put more on you than you can bare up under.
Keep posting on this site too. It helps.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 4:20AM
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To kristopc (and others),
You have received some wonderful advice here. I hope some of it is comforting and helps you as you process your grief. Since you are a college student, I also wanted to let you know about a nonprofit organization called National Students of AMF (, whose mission is to support college students who are grieving the illness or death of a loved one. Students of AMF chapters are on college campuses throughout the country. Each chapter consists of a peer support group where you can connect with other grieving students (there are no counselors or non-students in these groups) and a service group that provides opportunities for the campus community to volunteer and raise funds and awareness for causes that are important to chapter members.

If you are interested in finding out if there is a chapter on your campus (or starting one), you can email

Again, my heart goes out to everyone on this post. Be well.

Here is a link that might be useful: National Students of AMF

    Bookmark   May 11, 2010 at 4:41PM
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