Mom recently gone - celebrate(?) Mother's Day

doc8404May 11, 2007

First off - my thoughts are with all of you who grieve.

My wife died unexpectedly two weeks ago and left two young sons 10 and 12. We are doing pretty well all things considered - you know, some good days, some not so good. It was a huge shock and we never saw it coming. Since this was so recent, the hurt is still pretty raw.

Does anyone have any ideas on how should I approach Mother's Day? I think I want to remind the boys this was a special day for mom and maybe we could each tell a story or two about her?

What do you folks think? Thanks

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ross939

You have my sympathies for your loss. Thinking back to when my mother passed away, and I was already a grown adult with a child of my own, but as I recall, my father, although he was battling alzheimer's and wasn't always in tune to reality, I remember that he knew this was a blow for me, and I remember him coming over a couple of days after, and just getting me out of the house. He took me to a park and a couple of other places, and him just being there was a big lift to my spirits. Just being there with your kids is the single biggest thing you can do. I am sure you will find out, just through their body language, if they are comfortable about talking about mom, or recalling old memories. For me, it also seemed that getting out of the house and doing some types of activity of hobby really helped take my mind off my greif at the time, and I believe it would for my children as well, if I were in that situation with them.

    Bookmark   May 12, 2007 at 1:59AM
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alisande

I think that's an excellent idea. I've heard some people talk about writing notes to Mom and putting them inside balloons that were then released to float upwards. Of course, you'd have to enlist the cooperation of a store that inflates them with helium.

Another thought is for them to make Mother's Day cards that will be put in a special album. If you believe, as I do, that she will see them, you can tell that to the boys.

Holidays are hard. I wish you and your sons the best.

Susan

    Bookmark   May 12, 2007 at 7:55AM
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uncledave_ct

I feel for you doc8404. Your sons are a blessing, and they will be a source of surprising strength in the days ahead. I hope you made it through Mothers' Day, and were able to maybe begin a new tradition for the three of you. My 4-year-old son just shared a few memories of his Mommy and asked to put the flowers on her grave. He's been amazing, when he's ready to move forward he simply takes a step on his own. I'm sorry I cannot add much at this point, my beloved wife passed away the day after St. Patrick's Day and I'm still trying to figure things out.

    Bookmark   May 14, 2007 at 12:55PM
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heydeborah

hi my husbad passed away a little over 2 months ago, and even though this was "my day" we (our son and daughter and puppy) did go to the cemetary to visit him. (but i will admit i visit him 4=5 times a week because it only a 5 minute drive). our "children" are older 24 and 19 but apparently when my husband was alive he had mentioned a ring he wanted toget me, well these bought it and i get tomorrow. they said the lady at the jewellery store said that a popular item is "family jewllery" with the birthstore of the departed in the middle and other stones around, sahe said it wasn't unusal that 10 are ordered at a time for all hte relatives, also there were also of homemade pictures laminated at the cemetary for mothers and grandmothers. it was a hard day for me. debbie

    Bookmark   May 15, 2007 at 2:49PM
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kayjones

I lost my husband on April 17th - just four weeks ago. My youngest bio son and I went to the cemetary to say 'hello' to my husband. We talked about him, and what he meant to us. My husband always made a fun day of holidays, and even though we were sad, we still tried to think of something to make us smile. It turned out to be a good day.

    Bookmark   May 15, 2007 at 4:06PM
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doc8404

Thanks everyone for your ideas and advice and giving me a sense of your loved ones.

The boys and I did pretty well all things considered. One small misstep though. I had folded the clean laundry and the boys sorted the clothes into personal piles and I told them to then put them away. There was one stack of mom's things that my oldest pointed out to me. He then asked me what I was going to do with mom's clothing.

I hadn't considered that yet. I told him we'd keep them and he was good with that.

    Bookmark   May 15, 2007 at 10:36PM
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cuddlepoo

I hope you celebrated her life on Mother's Day as best you could! After my brother's funeral our family get-together involved alot of laughing at old photos and memories combined with a whole lot of crying. You can send out your joy and love for a person and bawl your eyes out at the same time. I feel so much for you at losing your love and partner. I feel much worse for my dear sister in-law that lost her husband than I do for us siblings. I don't think the pain gets any easier, I just get longer times between the terrible pain. Love to you.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2007 at 3:09PM
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dirt_yfingernails

My condolences to all of you who have lost someone dear. A belated happy Mother's Day to all the Moms wherever they are. (Lost my mom 10 years ago and dad 30 years ago)

    Bookmark   May 23, 2007 at 12:26PM
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