I have found hope in losing my mother-advice for others

atrakMay 22, 2007

Hi all

I am 16 years old and today is the death anniversity of my mom. i lost her 14 years ago to a car accident in which she suffered serious head injury. Usually, i feel devastated on these days, but today i feel more hopeful than ever. this post is less of a problem and more of advice to others greiving out there.

I really do not know why my mother was taken from me at such a young age but I have learned immensely from this expierence over the years. Time heals all wounds is only half true. Time does make these situations better, but you have to make a decision within yourself to let go, and more importantly, to be happy. Being happy is a choice and you must choose to smile, and laugh, and believe that life goes on. I know this sounds like nonsense to those out there who have just recently lost someone, but it is true.

I woke up today and I said to myself "I don't want to be sad," so I chose to be happy. There is such a feeling of empowerment when you decide your life is in your own hands. So first I send my deepest condolences to everyone who has recently lost someone, and second I want to tell all of you, that when you are ready, you can choose to be happy again. Dealing with death can be unbearable, but I'm sure your own loved ones would want to see you smiling again.

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How wonderful that a 16 year old can give such great advice to a 63 year old and you are exactly right, we have to give ourselves permission to be happy again and I am going to take your advice. My husband was a wonderful man with a great sense of humour, he would watch the dumbest TV show and laugh so loud. You are right, he would be very upset at me for being so sad. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and God Bless you.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2007 at 8:42AM
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I add my blessings to you, atrak. You have gained much wisdom and insight at a young (to me) age. I was just talking to a new temp co-worker who lost her husband a year ago. She is in her sixties, and is still deep in grief. She could use your shoulder and outlook.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2007 at 12:19PM
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Out of the mouths of babes. . . . ( no disrespect intended).

Thank you atrak for your wise outlook and words. Bless you!

    Bookmark   May 23, 2007 at 12:43PM
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Your Mother would be so proud of you and I'm sure she is! I'm 43 years old and lost my Mother in December of 2005. I believe that time doesn't actually heal all wounds but I think it changes them. You have chosen to make the change in your life good and healthy. Thank you for sharing your insight and wise advice and for reminding me that my Mom wants me to have a life full of joy and the choice for that is mine.

wintersquash :)

    Bookmark   May 23, 2007 at 1:09PM
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I am smiling in amazement. Not so much because a 16 yr. old wrote this post, but because a 16 yr. old has so much wisdom and composure. I'm 30 and there are days I can't see myslef ever getting over my mom's death, but when I read something like this, it reminds me that there are so many people of all ages in the same situation who deal with it and live their lives to their fullest. Thank you atrack...I really needed this!

    Bookmark   May 25, 2007 at 7:16PM
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Theres a saying no one feels like you, until it actually happens to them. Thats awesome!! advice atrak. I lost my mother 7 months ago. I still feel the pain in my heart. At times I feel so weak just thinking about her. I just cry. I tell god to stop this pain. I tell god to help me go .Im 44 years old. Ilost my mother tragically suffering at the last in my face. She was 64 years old. There is a choice in life either to be happy or sad. Take the right road or wrong choices in life. My mom taught me that. Thanks for sharing that postive outlook. Ill keep that in mind. Debbie.

    Bookmark   May 26, 2007 at 12:15PM
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This is great it helps me out and it is true. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 20 and I am now 23. She was diagnosed when she was 61 with the worst cancer anyone could have. She died nine months later and it was the wost time of my life. I miss her everyday and always think about her. I have to remember that she is in a better place. My heart is aching but I am trying to be happy. If you having a hard time dealing with death of a loved one is you need to read the book 90 minutes in heaven by Don Piper.

Here is something I found about mother:

The young mother set her foot on the path of life.
"Is this the long way?" she asked.

And the guide said "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."

But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years.

So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, and taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the dog, and do their homework and brush their teeth.

The sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."

Then the nights came, and the storms, and the path was sometimes dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, A little patience and we are there."

So the children climbed, and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. And with this, she gave them strength to face the world. Year after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of all....unconditional love.

And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."

The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she became little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children."

And when the way became rough for her, they lifted her, and gave her their strength, just as she had given them hers.

One day they came to a hill, and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide.

And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity and pride, with their heads held high, and so can their children after them."

And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."

And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."

Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning.

Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. A mother shows every emotion..........happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow..... and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take.

She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...............not even death!

    Bookmark   December 29, 2008 at 12:08PM
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