Does anyone else do this?

deb---09May 13, 2009

I just wondered if anyone else finds themselves putting people into 2 categories: 1. Those who have lost their mother's 2. Those who still have their mother's. I hate to admit that I am jealous of the people in the second category! It is hard to hear people complain about their Mom's calling too much, coming over unannounced, having them run errands, being too critical, etc. I just lost my Mom last month. I know I used to complain about some of these things, but it is so different now. Just wondered, thanks!

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Hi deb---09,

It is so funny you brought this up! I lost my Momma in August 2008 and have missed her every second of every day she has been gone.

I have a distant relative and her mother is in the last stages of cancer. Their relationship has been relatively decent and when on the last two occasions she has been to visit me, she has complained about how hard it is taking care of her mother and the stress it has had her under, etc. They are mean to one another at this time!

Having been in her shoes I understand her frustrations but she commented to me the other day that it is driving her crazy and she just wishes she would go. At that very moment, I felt SO cheated! I would give everything I own to have a second of wiping my Momma's brow, stroking her forhead just one more time, getting her something.....anything!!!

My advice to her was may not see the joy in it now but try to remind yourself to value every second you may have with her because when she is gone your world will NEVER be the same again. Your days will not be as bright, time will take on a whole new meaning.

Time with my Momma is one thing I can never have again.....I cannot buy it back with any amount of money I have or with anyone else's money. Take a good long look at your life and take stock of the people you value most and those are who you invest your time in.

She taught me the most important things in life and I only wish I could share with her the latest lessons I learned from her.

.....So I try to make her proud in the way I live now. I make sure the people I care about know it and I spend as much time with them as I can. Thanks Momma!

Thank you all for allowing me to share with you one of the most amazing people I have ever known!

Blessings to all....


    Bookmark   May 15, 2009 at 8:45AM
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Yes it makes me almost angry to read about this, my immediate family was small to begin with (mother, brother and me, dad died back in 66) But we found ourselves in circumstances where we chose to live together to help one another. Mom found she had lung cancer and lived 5 yrs. after her lung operation but then it returned and she passed in 2004. Then my brother's end stage liver disease progressed and he just passed, so now that I am totally alone after being caregiver and such a tight part of this small family it bothers me that some people don't realize what they have and others that do have lost theirs.

But that's the way it always seems to go right?

    Bookmark   May 17, 2009 at 4:29PM
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I still have my mother, but I lost my 12 yr old son 12/31/08. I know what you are saying about the catagories though. I do the same. It eats me up inside when I hear people complain about their kids and how much they wish they didn't have them. I have learned to not listen to there complaints and continue thinking about my son and all of our good times.


    Bookmark   May 21, 2009 at 9:53PM
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I agree with you! I have a cousin who does not even speak to her mom and it makes me sick since I would give anything to have my mother back. It's been 8 months since my Mom died suddenly and since Mother's Day I have found myself back in this horrible black hole and I cry every night. I miss my mom so very much. I hate when people complain about their mom.I could never have imagined how awful it is to lose your mother. I feel cheated and alone. Mom's are the core of a family....the glue that keeps it together and going. I miss my mom so much I think I will just curl up and die sometimes.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2009 at 1:03AM
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Oh gosh..I do this as well. I remember the first mother's day without my Mom. I was in a dress shop and this woman was with her Mom buying her something for mothers day. I was so jealous and sad I burst into tears

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 5:13AM
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Most of my friends never had or have the relationship I had with my Mom, we were best friends what a great person ,Mother and friend she was! I consider myself really lucky to have had that special Mother I don't begrudge people they have no idea what it's like until it has happened to them, so just think of how lucky you were to have that special Mom, dad, sibling or child!

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 7:08PM
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dkgarber it all the time. I am obsessed with talking to any friends (or strangers ) who have lost their Mom b/c I feel as if I am alone, and the only people who can really understand are those who went through it.

I am extremely jealous of those who have thier moms around. I know its wrong, but I am. I was in the store today and all I could do is notice all the mother/daughters and was so bitter. Its not fair that my mom is gone.

She died of a stroke while being hospitalized for a plethora of sudden problems. One problem seemed to bring on another. SHe was 71 -- its been about a week and a half and its getting harder, not easier.

ugh....i am finding much comfort in reading other people's feelings.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2009 at 3:21PM
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I do this all the time. Its like the way we say, B.C.E.(Before the common era) or A.C.E.(after the common era)
and for me its 'before my parents died', 'after my parents died'
or 'the year in between my parents deaths'.
I grieve for those who are unaware of the short life cycle we all have, those who don't have close relationships with family, but could if they choose.
I grieve for them because I know how much guilt they will feel, how they will torture themselves for what they did or did not do while they had a chance.
Stupid though they might be, they are deserving of my compassion for now I know what it is like to live without my parents.
I believe that somethings in life are meant to change us. Somethings are meant to mark us, to show the world we are different somehow as we have passed through this event.
I think I can see it in the eyes of people I know, "those who understand", and "those who can not understand".
Your not alone. Thank you for sharring here and for helping all of us to work though this part of our grief.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 5:21AM
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I do this all the time too. I get jealous when I find out someone still has their Mom, especially if the person is older. Then I feel guilty for being jealous. Sometimes I feel like only associating with people who have already lost their Mom.

My sister-in-law is about my age and has both her parents. She just lost a Grandparent who was 101 years old. She actually compares that to the loss of my Mom. It drives me crazy. Losing a relatively young Mom suddenly is FAR worse than losing a Grandma who was lucky to have lived so long. She keeps talking about it like the two situations are similar. If the loss of her 101 year old Grandma is her biggest loss in life, then wow she's really blessed.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 1:59PM
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Oh yes.. I do this too.. I don't mean to, it just happens..

My Mom and I did everything together.. Everything.. Mom was my best friend, like a sister, bingo buddy, fishing buddy, shopping buddy, watching comedy and horror movies buddy, crying buddy, dreaming buddy and so much more..

If I am at the mall, grocery store, restaraunt etc and I see a Mother and Daughter together, laughing, talking, sharing as mothers and daughters do.. I feel envy.. and I feel like I could break down and cry..

Now that my step-dad's ex wife has been coming around a bit more, they talk about the things they did with their own kids when they were younger.. She talks steadily about the stuff she does with her own daughters.. There are times that I can't stand to listen to it.. It makes my heart ache for what I used to have with my own Mom..

Oh yes.. I do this too..

    Bookmark   August 6, 2009 at 7:55PM
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