Is dating okay now? (Sorry, long)
My precious DH passed away 18 months ago from cancer and liver failure, and I've had a desperate time trying to get my head back on straight. He was only 57 and he died exactly four months after the cancer diagnosis, and during the last few days he was terribly confused and disoriented and barely recognized me. He was suffering from encephalopathy, which is a build-up of toxins in his brain due to the liver failure, and we didn't get to say any good-byes or hug or kiss because he was so out of it. Obviously, I was a train wreck afterward, and I had no support or kindness whatsoever from his family, even though we had been married for 20 years. I have very little family of my own, and they all live across the country and are kind of emotionally distant. So no help there either.
I've been on anti-depressants but don't feel quite myself any more. I'm trying to get on with what's left of my life and have made friends with a couple of single girls who are my new neighbors. I moved out of our old house about six months after he died because I was afraid to stay alone. The house was 35 miles from my work and was fairly isolated out in the country, so I moved into a small apartment complex about three miles from my office in downtown Houston. Thankfully, the move has been a good thing for me as I do feel safer now and also have friends with whom I can go to movies, etc.
Finally (and thanks for your patience), here is my dilemma: My friends talked me into signing up with an on-line "match-making" service and I've gotten a few responses from men who seem interested in meeting me. They only know my first name, my city, and some general information about my preferences and hobbies, that sort of thing. But I am totally terrified to reply to any of the emails. I have not had a single date since DH died, nor a telephone call from any man, or email, or anything else. I feel so sad, lonely and foolish, and I'm alone for the first time in my life. Am I crazy or what? Is this feeling normal? Is it okay to date? Obviously, it wouldn't seem so sleazy if I actually met someone who liked me, but this on-line business seems like such desperation. Your thoughts, please, please, please!