alisandeMay 30, 2005

This weekend is the fourth anniversary of my daughter Jill's death. She died on Memorial Day. Although Saturday was the calendar anniversary, I thought today would be the harder of the two days. I was wrong. At noon on Saturday I went to my granddaughter's softball game. I was told I looked sad, and that surprised me. I didn't think I was sadÂalthough for the past couple of months I've cried every day because spring is hard for me.

Then I went home in the afternoon and had a real meltdown. If anyone had been here with me, I'm sure they would have carted me off to the local psych unit. I was a wreck. Why the fourth year should be so devastating, I don't know. I was pretty bad again yesterday during the day, but in the evening I went out to dinner with friends, drank some wine, played Scrabble later, and felt better. I'm okay today.


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Grief is its own master -- you just don't know when it will creep up on you. Sometimes something can trigger it on a subconscious level. There is no hard and fast rule about when you're "done." Perhaps being at your granddaughter's game triggered a memory of when your daughter was young. It's okay to cry when you need to. One year, four years, ten years -- don't put a timeframe on it. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. The fact that you are managing to carry on with your life, despite your grief, is commendable. I'm glad you are better today.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2005 at 6:14PM
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Alisande, I understand about the four year thing. It's been four years since I lost my Dad (May 22) and it seems like this anniversary date has been the worst since it happened.

I think part of it is just simply missing them after such a long period of time of not having them in our lives. Plus, with losing a child, every passing year has to be a reminder of what might have been with them - how old they'd be now, what they'd be doing, etc.

I agree with the above poster - Grief IS its own master. I figure for what you've been through, your feelings are entirely par for the course.


    Bookmark   May 31, 2005 at 1:31AM
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grief is master, indeed...and the longer and better you deal with it, the more devious it seems to become...

my dad had a sister who died when I was three. last week, he was so sick that he was 'back' in wildwood, where they used to spend the summers, and was beggin her (me) to let him go to the beach.

I sat in the hallway afterwards and cried...but it was nothing to what happened about three hours later. and if my husband didn't know me so well (he 'met' duddy, whose grave I visit, before he met anyone in my family but my mom and dad, who I was LIVING with) in the psych ward I would have been- but he does know, thankfully.

crying it out of your system is about the best you can do. I've found that wailing and breaking dishes helps as well- try and confine that to unloved pieces, preferrably in a corner of the basement.


    Bookmark   May 31, 2005 at 4:21PM
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