he lived long enough to see me married to a man who cares as much about me as he always has, settled into a house of my own, and rather more content than either of us ever hoped for...
but it's not enough.
it's not enough to know that the people who love him are rising to offer their support and their comfort
it's not enough that there isn't a one of MY friends who isn't totally willing to drop my the house to check in on my mom and the mutt, or stop by the hospital and see poppa.
it's not enough that he's lived longer than any other male in his family, and longer than most of his female cousins as well
it's not enough to know that my mom won't have to turn around and sell the house 6 months down the road.
it's not enough that we've HAD 'those talks' before, and buried our hatchets, and made our peace.
it's not even enough that I married a man enough like him to be both my best friend, and the son my father didn't get to have
it's not enough, damnit.
not when I see the look in my mom's eyes, and see that it's not enough for her, either.
not when the dog has taken to sleeping in 'poppa's' spot on the couch, instead of in the bed that doesn't smell like him any more.
not when I have to look him in the face with tubes here and wires there and four IV stand clustered around him, and not scream.
but if I can look past all of that...it's enough for him, because he knows all of this, knows why I got out of nursing, knows how I feel about respirators and all of it...and the simple fact that I'm there is all that matters to him.
and that, for now...that is enough.