April 28th, Lost my Grand Baby/Child

edie_2008May 15, 2008

Hello,

On April 28th, We lost my Grand Baby who my husband and I raised together since he was 8 weeks old. He passed away at 11 months to the day. He had Aicardi Goutieres Syndrome. We all miss him terribly. The first few days after he passed with us by his side. I felt as if my heart had stopped beating for the next few days. Now I feel at a lost . I start to cry and then it stops as soon as it begins. I don't understand it. Its as if I am still numb inside and as soon as I feel the devastation of the loss, Its like I go numb again. Is this normal? Its as almost I can control the pain i feel inside by blocking it somehow. I was the primary care giver for him through all he went through. I have a wonderful husband who has been very supportive and helped me take care of him on weekends so I could get a little break . When I say Grand Baby / Child. We have permanent custody of him. So we consider him our own, Even though I didn't give birth. But we did give him a better life although it was short. Its amazing how no matter what you want, your loved one to always be here but God is the one in control. My husband and I sleep with a stuff animal of his everynight. Just to smell his scent and feel close to him. The cemetary is up the block from me about a 5 minute drive. I go there almost every day. I lived and breathed him for 9 months. He was a wonderful Angel from God. He had a special way about him. He showed us love in his own way. And I will forever cherish all the memories and all the days We had with him. I could go on and on about this Precious Boy. He left a huge imprint on my heart.

Edie

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sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry.

Numbness is similar to shock;
it's the body's/mind's/heart's way of shielding us from unbearable pain.

Eventually the numbness will wear off.

There was a line in The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran (sp?) that said something like
"We drink our joy from the cup carved by our sorrow."

I've always found that a beautiful & comforting thought.

Bless you for taking care of that little one, & take care of yourself.

You have a wonderful heart, & you're still here for a reason.

Take care of yourself.

    Bookmark   May 15, 2008 at 6:16PM
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sudiepav

I'm so very sorry. I too add that you are certainly a loving and wonderful soul to care for and love this precious boy. Bless you.

    Bookmark   May 16, 2008 at 12:58PM
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jampack

Edie, I believe God blessed your grand baby by giving him such wonderful people to share. We all grieve differently and I too believe that your "numbness" is protection. Sometimes its just best to have to handle the pain in little increments until we are stronger. Then we can remember the joys better too.

I am sorry for your loss.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2008 at 8:43PM
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kayjones

I am sorry for the loss of your grandchild. May peace come upon you, as you KNOW you gave him a safe haven while he was on earth.

    Bookmark   May 19, 2008 at 8:50AM
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