Life sucks and then you die

loagiehoagieMay 5, 2008

Okay, can you tell I'm a little down today? I'm just so tired of being sad and tired. And then if I feel happy, I feel guilty that I can be happy and my mom is in the ground. I think all the talk of Mothers Day is getting to me. I want my mom back. I still wake up and hope this is all a nightmare. My mom was the sweetest lady on this earth. Why did she have to go blind and die so soon? Sometimes I hate this frickin world and everything and everybody in it.

Sorry to be such a wet blanket.

I want to go back in time and be a child again. I don't like growing older and having everyone around me die.

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Hi Duane - I have read so many of your posts where you help people - I have been helped by reading your posts to others - so I hope I can help you. Remember - there is no death! Our Moms are on the other side - whole and free from pain - surrounded by Love - and want to see us live a full life. This is my first Mother's Day without my Mom - She passed unexpectedly in her sleep and I miss her so much. When I start to torture myself with "what ifs" I try to focus on my faith. I believe that God has a plan - My Mom is where she should be - Even though I wish she were right here next to me right now.
I feel your pain - But keep the faith - and continue helping others. Our Moms are watching us and we will see them again someday.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2008 at 7:08PM
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Marion, thank you so much for your heartfelt response. I try to have faith, I really do. Sometimes it's hard. I guess if it were easy it wouldn't be what God intended.

After I wrote that yesterday I went over to my dad's house, and seen my sister who also lives there and is recovering from surgery. She told an amazing story. She was in a lot of pain at the hospital and asked the nurse for a sleeping pill. After she fell asleep she heard her husband say she needed to get out of bed and come see something in another room. She looked at the clock. 1am. Then she noticed her kids were with her husband and wondered what they were all doing up at that hour..and at the hospital. He said to get out of bed. She unhooked her IV from her arm and put her slippers on. She followed him out into the hall and finally came to a nurse at the end of the hallway. The nurse asked what she was doing up at that hour. She said I think I am sleepwalking. The nurse said that would explain it, and guided her back to her room and back into bed.

Next thing she remembers was her t.v. turning on. The remote control wasn't anywhere near her. She looked over and our mom was sitting in the chair next to her bed! The t.v. had a soap opera on and our mom said to Kristy 'Just go back to sleep, I'm here so nothing happens to you. I'm just gonna sit here and watch my stories. I haven't seen my stories in a long time'. Being blind for the last 15 years of her life she had a lot of plot twists to catch up on!

I thought that was an amazing story and it makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Bless you Marion. I know we will shed a few tears on sunday, but we will make it.


    Bookmark   May 6, 2008 at 9:42AM
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Thanks for sharing the story about your Sister. I feel these stories are validation that our loved ones are alive and looking out for us.
Take care.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2008 at 7:33PM
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Dude, that is deep. I have not followed your story but it sounds like your mother ensured that there was a lot of love in your family.

We don't know why some things happen the way that they have happend and we will not know until we join them in heaven.

I lost my father a couple of months ago to cancer and I ask "WHY???" all the time but never have a good answer.

We are allowed to mourn but we have to remember that they want us to continue on also.

Expect all of the firsts to be difficult. The first Mother's Day, Birthday, holiday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc... They will all be so difficult. Go into it honoring your Mother. Make her proud on those days and on every day. Remember, you are allowed to mourn but you should also cherish her memory. Bring her UP not DOWN...

Also, you are allowed to be mad and angry and totally ticked off at the world. It may make you feel better. When you are done being angry think "What would mother do?", "What would mother say?"... I think she would tell you to dry your eyes off, pick your chin up, and get on with it...

So, remember your mother tomorrow and let us know how it goes. It will be a tough day for you and the rest of your family but you can and will make it through it. You have a long life to continue making your mother proud of you...

God bless your mother and everyone else's mother!!!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

    Bookmark   May 10, 2008 at 5:40PM
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Duane, that's a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing it.

    Bookmark   May 11, 2008 at 7:18PM
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Duane, i hope that you are feeling a little better, we need you back--we need your pep "talk".
i believe your story, our Matthew said that his dad comes and sits down on a chair and watches him play video games (our matthew had not lived at home for 3 years, plus Al has legs (Al was a double above the knee amputee), also Al never did play video games since he was almost blind. matthew has phoned me quite afew times telling me dad was here, i told him to talk to him and tell him we miss him sooo much. also every night a seem to look at the clock and it says 12:34, Al was quite the comedian saying look it's 1234, or 123, or 456 etc. our carley also yells out it's 1234, i tell her that i think it's her dad's way of saying goodnight to us.
well it's a hot 54 here and we're waiting for the thunderstorms to roll in (but 150 miles from us they had SNOW yesterday. take care, and happy Victoria day to all my canadian friends!


    Bookmark   May 15, 2008 at 12:41PM
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Duanne, I am sorry, Mother's day was horrid for me too.. All I could think of was that Mother was gone. That she would never hug me again.. I would never be able to fix her our traditonal rib bbq for mothers day... EVER AGAIN... And I just wanted to die too...

I feel as you do.. Like my grief is so overwhelming.. I hate it...

I wake up and relize everyday, I just have to get through it.. There is no joy anymore..

I am a mother myself. And I ruined it for my children.

I understand your sorrow....

Today it is six months... Yet, I feel like it was yesterday... It will always be yesterday....

    Bookmark   May 24, 2008 at 9:20PM
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My Dad died 30 years ago when my oldest daughter was 3 years old. They were extremely close. When DD was in the hospital 10 years ago, nearly dead from toxemia and eclampsia, Grandpa came to her and held her hand, hugged her and told her everything was going to be all right. When the nurse came in the room, he was gone. She wanted her Grandpa back, but the nurse said no one had been there. But she knows he was.

    Bookmark   June 24, 2008 at 10:25AM
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It's the truth. I don't understand Why? Why? I wish my Mom would give me a sign so I know she's still around some how. I just can't stand the pain , Part of me went with her! I just don't see me ever being the same person. Sorry for being sooo down it's just how I feel. When I pass the cemetery I can't believe she's in there . How could this have happened!!!!! Sadly 5 months ago at 60. Life does suck. I hope there's something better when you do go.

    Bookmark   August 1, 2008 at 10:16PM
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So many sad, hurt souls. Death is a part of life. God never said life was going to be easy, he did say however, it was going to be worth it. He gave us our parents to teach us about love and life and hope. Our parents know they will not always be here for us so they give us all the knowledge they can while they are with us. They don't want us to be sad when they are taken from us. They want us to remember all those special moments we had with them as THEY treasured them too. They want us to go on and live our life with all the love and knowledge they instilled in us. They want to see us smile and be happy.

Of course our losses are difficult for we will never see there physical beings again, never get that hug or kiss or hear those sweet words of comfort when we feel down.

With their passing the torch was also passed. It is now time for you to pick up that torch and carry it forward with all the lessons learned to the next generation. Keep their love and lessons alive and you will keep them in your heart FOREVER.

God bless everyone until we meet again.

    Bookmark   August 26, 2008 at 10:20AM
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If you are a person of faith, you know that the ending of life is not true death because our loved ones never leave us.

Your mom cared more for you than she did herself and she would not want you to suffer on her behalf.

I am just now coming to terms on losing my brother 40 years ago (before Christmas). Long term grief saps the joy from life and that is what truly stinks. Lots of issues I have today are because I couldn't come to terms with my grief. Please don't let this happen to you. It not only affects you on an emotional level but can lead to various physical ailments as well.

There are groups that can help you deal with grief. It it gets to be more than you feel you can handle, please get help. There are lots of understanding people out there that can help you deal with this.

    Bookmark   September 6, 2008 at 11:53PM
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I can understand about long tern grief, when I think back of all the relatives that I have lost over the years I miss them so much, they were such a big part of my life and who I am.

Life really does suck, so much pain around, so many people suffering in silence.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2008 at 8:29AM
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