Greiving the loss of Mom

lizz_farmerMay 30, 2009

It's been 8 months and I have fallen back into the black abiss. I thought I was doing so well, then came Mother's Day and I fell back in that place where saddness has taken over. I miss my mom so very much that sometimes I feel like my heart is breaking and I will not survive! I can't seem to find a way back. I'm sitting here with the tears just pouring down my face. Is this normal? When does it get easier? Does it ever get easier? I feel so lost. There is no one in this world that I can talk to like I did with mom. Mom always heard, always understood, always gave the best adivce even when she gave not advice at all I always felt better after talking with mom. I'm so angry I just want her back. I hate that she is gone. Mommy I miss you, you left too soon.

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Hi lizz_farmer,

I completely understand how you feel. I lost my beautiful Momma in August of 08 and here I sit this morning, by myself, crying my heart out.

I feel it has something to do with my birthday approaching next Friday and it will be my first one without my Momma. The last two weeks she has filled my mind and body and I feel I have no control over it and it is heart wrenching to think of the rest of my life without her.

She gave me many cards over the years and I was going thru them last night and reading the beautiful words she wrote to me and I found comfort in them but I also found this unbelievable pain in my chest from her loss and at times I do not know what to do but pray that God will help me find a way to accept the pain and be better for it.

Blessings to us both that we will learn to live the new life we have without them.....

Hugs to you....


    Bookmark   May 30, 2009 at 9:54AM
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I know exactly how you both feel. Today (May 31) would have been mom's 97th birthday. She died when she was 86 and I still miss her terribly.

Does it get easier? Not really, but the pain lessens but you truly will always feel her loss especially around certain holidays and birthday. Don't let any fool tell you "it's time to get over it". Grr, I hated when I heard that.

Like you lizz_farmer my mom was my best friend. She was never judgmental and offered advice only when asked for. I remember when I was going through my divorce and how she kept silent about the way the ex-wife treated my folks the year I was in Thailand. Had I known I probably would have been VERY nasty in the divorce, but mom reminded me that it wouldn't make things any better.

If you have a grief support group in your area, you may want to go there. They were a real big help to me and my partner (we lost our mothers 12 days apart) and I don't know what I'd have done without their support.

Hugs to you both.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2009 at 7:33AM
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My Mom has been gone 4 years. My Dad who had missed her so much has a mass on his lung..most likely cancer. I miss Mom everyday. People do tell you that it will get better in time. It does not get better. However, you do learn to live with it. All this pain, and guess what? We all are going to go sometime. It's the way of things

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 5:08AM
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I got worse after the 1 yr. anniversary, crying more so tired when I got up the first thing I thought about was going back to bed, I write to her in a journal I talk about her to my kids so they don't forget how special she was. I just made a memory garden out back so when I go on my deck I can see it and think of her.But just 2 months agoI went on an anti depression med. and that really helped with that deep deep sadness, you will always be sad but that dep- depression is not good for anyone esp. the rest of your household!

    Bookmark   June 16, 2009 at 7:20PM
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I'm sorry to hear all of your losses. I actually lost my mom back in february and she was only 51. Try to think least many of you shared more times with your mothers than me. I will be graduating soon and I really wanted her to come see it but that didn't happen... but I have been doing really well. I do cry sometimes because I was happy...I was, and still am, happy to be loved by the most amazing person in the world. She loved me so much and I miss her dearly. But I'm positive our mothers want the best of us. Life is a gift and we just have to deal with such traumatic events... There are reasons for everything... It gets easier for me, because the more I try to understand God, the more it makes sense. If it doesn't get any easier, I really suggest you to talk to a pastor or a close Christian friend...I started looking into different religions in search of truths...I mean, there just had to be a reason why the most amazing person mother...had to depart so suddenly. Then I came to a realization that there are reasons to why things happen. Trust me, I loved my mother so much and I still do. I still pray for her and I see her in my dreams (twice so far). Several days ago I prayed to God that I wanted a confirmation that she was in Heaven...2 days later I saw my mom pass away and still alive and well. Hard to explain but it seems that she is "born" again in Heaven. I may not have interpreted it right, but I believe so...because God is fair and she deserves it in my opinion. Good luck with everyone and please realize that there is a loving God above who created everything and knows everything. Please let me know if any questions!

    Bookmark   June 26, 2009 at 12:32AM
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I am so sorry to hear this. I have just lost my Mom (my world) to Uterine Sarcoma on May 22, 2009 about 6 wks after finding the tumor that had aggressively come back after prior surgery for same type of cancer. I was/am her "baby girl". The only child. She was my rock, my sunshine and my best friend. I feel sad and alone w/o her now. She was always the one there for me. She raised me as a single Mom. We had been through a lot together. Our bond was and is indescribably strong. I have a strong support system, but it doesn't take away the overwhelming pain that I feel everyday. There is not a day that has gone by that I haven't cried. I find myself wanting to call or email her to tell her something and have to remember that she is not there. But I do talk to her still because I know that she is in my heart and all around me. When I look at her pictures, I can see her smiling right at me and the good memories flood back. Even through my tears. She comforts me and gives me a peaceful feeling. I love her so much!!! Your Mom is looking at you from Heaven. Keep your head up so that she can always see you smiling! :~)


    Bookmark   June 29, 2009 at 7:28PM
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I understand the black abiss. I just lost my Mom suddenly last week so it's all still new to me. I've been lower than I've ever been. I wake up with a knot in my stomach and a sense of despair. We were best friends. I don't know how I'll cope. I wish I would have been able to do more for her. Tonight I felt some comfort feeling that maybe she's with me and all the things she wanted for me I can still try to have. All she wanted was for me to find happiness and for whatever reason I was never able to find it. She always made me feel better about my life though. She was my only real support system. I hope that one day I can have the life she dreamed of for me. I thought it would happen while she was alive. I feel so much pain and guilt that it won't ever happen that way.

    Bookmark   July 27, 2009 at 11:53PM
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Reading your post gave me tears... I know just how you feel, I wonder does it ever get better? but no, I think it does not get better, we just learn to live with the way it feels.
My momma passed on june 18 2008. Just one month and one day before she would have turned 77. She was my friend, my confidant, my co-conspierator, my sounding board. Even if she had no answers for my situation she would always say, I am here for you... I want to shout where are you now, Momma I need you so much!
And sometimes I do shout, and like now, I cry. I have a hard time driving because there is something about getting into that car that makes me cry! A therapist friend told me recently that its the anonimity of the enclosed space of the car, moving through the world in private... it makes sence I guess. Sometimes I just pull over and cry. A few months back a HWY patrole stopped to ask if I was alright and I could not speak for crying. It took the longest tiem to get out the words, 'My Momma died'.
He seemed surprised that it had been several months since she died and I was still crying like that.
But I don't care how other people view my grief. Its mine, I will own it and I will allow myself to feel what I really feel. Somedays my grief is my house dress that is comfortable, but ugly and I don't want to take it off... I just want to know if its normal to feel like this so long afterward, or know if others feel the same way. This forum has helped tremendously, and so has the support group from the hospice that took care of both my parents.
My prayers are with you.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 3:04AM
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