Grieving time

hoakie2601May 17, 2007

My husband and I have been married 5 months. A little back ground, his wife passed away 14 months prior to that. She has 2 daughters that my husband thinks of as his own.

My question is. The youngest daughter will call him all histerical crying and saying she wants her mother back and she misses her. She will call 2 or 3 times in a day like this. Mothers day was bad. She called Saturday 6 times crying her eyes out and again 2 or 3 times on Sunday.

He tells her that she needs to remember the good times and not focus on the ill times. But is this normal. I know everyone grieves differently. My grandmother died and she was the person that mainly raised me. I grieved but not for a year and a half and not to the extreme she is. I feel like she is trying to put a guilt trip on my husband because she wants to come back here and live in the house he shared with her mother.

When he told her we are in the process of trying to sell the home she had a fit telling him that he could not sell the house because this was her mothers house. A house they bought together. That the house had too many memories in it and it could never be sold.

I feel like she is living in the past. Its got to the point that her 7 year old daughter has dreams about her grandma and they set around and talk about her like she is still alive.

I would like to hear your input on this. I am not looking to get bashed for asking these questions. I know it gets to my husband because he is trying to move on and she is always calling bring everything to the surface again.

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Your stepdaughter is not able to manage her grief from the death of her mother, her father's remarrying and now selling the house. Her Dad has moved on in his life but she hasn't been able to yet. Is there any way you can get her some counseling? People do grieve differently and it takes longer for some than others but we all need help from somewhere. I attend a bereavement group at my local hospital and it has been very helpful. Her grief won't get better overnight but she needs to have someone help her to get started. At this point she may need to see a doctor for depression.
God Bless her and God Bless you all.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2007 at 7:14PM
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She is my husbands step daughter. She is in another state so the chances of getting her help are slim. She calls him every day upset about the loss of her mother. I find the behavior strange. I have lost my mother and grandparents. I focus on the happy times with them and do not dewell on the sad times of them sick or not being with us anylonger.

Also I mentioned before how she sits around with her children and talks about their grandmother. She passed away from complications from gastric bypass surgery and liver cancer. They all focus on her when she was sick and loosing all the weight. She went from close to 350 lbs to 85 lbs in less than 10 months. They talk about how bad she looked when she was so thin and seeing her dying in bed. I have never heard them talk about the good things.

I know it makes my husband crazy because he puts alot of the blame on himself for letting her have the surgery. I feel for him, as long as she does this it continues to bring back all his feeling of remorse.

thanks again for listening

    Bookmark   May 18, 2007 at 7:28PM
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I feel for you having to go through all of this. And I feel for the step kids. It must have been devastating losing their mom. I think their grief is excessive and believe they should get some counseling other than from their stepdad. He needs to be able to deal with his own grief and not have it shoved in his face constantly.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2007 at 12:23PM
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