Rock and hard place -what would you do?

nasus1May 14, 2012

I have two cousins who are brothers and are estranged from each other for many years. The younger brother and I were close friends then and are still close now but not as close due to distance and age.

The older brother passed away very recently and I found of his passing from other relatives but was told it was his wish that his younger brother not be told when he passes away. I want to tell his younger brother of his passing but am torn between keeping the older brother's wish and loyalty to the younger brother (my cousin).

I value the relationship with my younger cousin and do not want to jeopardize losing this but also do not want to go against my older deceased brother's wish.

What do I do - what would you do? Thank you all so much for your replies.

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I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your cousin. This really is a hard situation but for one you heard about his passing from other relatives, you really never know under what circumstances he might have said that. Sometimes things get misunderstood when passed around. Whatever the case is, I think that as his brother, whether they had a strained relationship or not, he has a right to know. I would put myself in his shoes. You know their relationship better than any of us here do, so ultimately the decision is yours. Have you decided?

    Bookmark   May 15, 2012 at 1:50PM
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Don't know where such family silliness comes from. The event is a fact, the information is public, and the deceased's wish that it should not be is quite ridiculous, IMHO.

However, if that's what you have to deal with consider #1) who, among the living, do you have the most respect for and #2) From whom, among the living, will you get the most grief for disclosing and/or for not disclosing. Appears to me you're going to be in somebody's doghouse no matter what you do. Maybe you get to choose.

    Bookmark   May 15, 2012 at 11:49PM
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ada33r and asolo - thank you both for taking the time to give me your thoughtful opinions - your thoughts influenced my decision. I have told (his brother) of the other brother's passing - he was very, very appreciative of this. ada33r - as you said he had a right to know. Thank you both again.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2012 at 11:25PM
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I am so glad you told him. I have no doubt he was exceptionally grateful that he knows. Regardless of estrangement, I think that we need to keep in mind the hearts and emotions of the living. I'm glad that it worked out okay.

    Bookmark   September 10, 2012 at 11:47AM
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