My mother died March 24th this year in Mount Sinai Hospital, NY. She was only 62. She died on her 77th day in CICU, after elective valve repair surgery performed by Dr. David Adams. It was hard to watch her deteriorate physically. She was with it mentally almost till the end. She cried all the time when she knew that she had bed sores, her kidneys failed, after the lungs, and then she couldn't even squeeze my hand. Towards the end, I couldn't wake her because I knew she was in so much pain. Finally my dad agreed to hand in the previously signed Do Not Resuscitate order and she was gone. At that time it seemed for the best because I didn't want her to suffer any longer.
But now I miss her terribly. I went back to work after 3 months leave of absence, but on Weekends I feel this empty hole in my heart and I cry a lot secretly, because I don't want to upset the kids. Now with the holidays coming up, it'll be especially difficult. Like on my son's birthday, last Sunday, we went to Central Park to row boats and all of a sudden I felt tears swelling. She should have been there - this is something she would have liked to have done - she is missing all of this! She would have loved to come with us. It makes me cry at the weirdest times.