My Husband

donnakt_gwApril 14, 2005

Passed away on April 2nd 2005..I only wish I could have gone with him. I don't know if I can live without him.

DonnaKT

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killinsnakes

I am very sorry for you and your loss. My DH was just diagnosed with non curable cancer a month ago (he's only 56). I feel like I will be you way too soon. I have tears for you, but hang in there. I send comforting thoughts your way.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2005 at 8:02PM
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theshoregirl

Donna,
Hang in there. Things will eventually get better. It will be a very difficult year but you will make it. My husband died 6 months ago after an awful battle with cancer. Things are just starting to slowly get easier (although still tough).
Try getting involved with a local support group.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2005 at 8:30PM
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socks

Donna, I'm so sorry about your terrible loss. My heart aches for you. Do you have friends, famiy, co-workers to offer moral support?

Sometimes it helps to share the circumstances of your loss, either here, talking with the people closest to you.
Take care.

Susan

    Bookmark   April 15, 2005 at 1:06AM
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donnakt_gw

I know I'm not the only one with this happening to..but I sure do feel alone. My children all live in different states and I have no close friends.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2005 at 2:10PM
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socks

You have friends here, so keep posting.

Maybe after you have settled down and recovered from the shock of this terrible loss you can establish some activities to make friends and contacts. Actually, why not try a grief counseling group, right now? Your heart won't be in it, I know, but if you go it could really be a lifeline.

Susan

    Bookmark   April 16, 2005 at 1:50AM
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dreamriver

I am sorry for your loss. My husband passed away Jan 30 this year. He was diagnosed with cancer 10 months prior. It was a difficult year. Things will get better, slowly.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2005 at 11:07AM
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donnakt_gw

Dreamriver, right now I am still just numb..I can't see tomorrow because I can't get through today. Today is my darling's birthday..

Donna

    Bookmark   April 16, 2005 at 11:27AM
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mel03

My deepest sympathy to you...this is a very sad and difficult time for you. Life is tough. My husband was in a lot of pain before he died so I believe he is now resting comfortably and at peace. Some how we find the strength to go...Life may move on, but sorrow takes its own path in its own time.
My husband passed away the end of March and his birthday is coming up shortly. Our anniversary will be a week after that. I know that will be a very difficult time....but I've found just talking about him to someone helps so much. Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who didn't know him. We didn't have children and not a lot of family close by and some of our friends are still uncomfortable talking about him.
I still am numb and terribly sad. There is such a void in my life right now. I'm not ready to be around a lot of people yet. In groups the talk eventually gets around to "husband and wife" things. That is very painful right now and the tears start. It's not the big things that bring on the tears but all the little things. I know it will get easier as time goes on. But each of us has to grieve at our own pace. I'm trying to do something each day that brings a joy to myself or to others.
My brother-in-law (my husband's sister) died this past week...that was a tough funeral to go to. My S-I-L hasn't gotten over her "baby brother's death" and now has to deal with the loss of her husband.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2005 at 8:24PM
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donnakt_gw

I am so sorry for everyone that has lost their loved one..I wish we could find a way to make healing easier, I think time may be the answer..I mentioned that today is his birthday and on Monday would have been out 50th wedding anniversary. We thought we would make it till then but it just didn't happen.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2005 at 8:57PM
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adoptedbyhounds

Donnakt,

I'm so sorry for your loss, and that your kids aren't able to be near you now.

Here is a link that might be useful: grief and loss

    Bookmark   April 17, 2005 at 1:20AM
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Diane_blue

Donnakt
My sincerest sympathy - I guess we on this forum can say we know how you feel but of course we don't, each of us grieves in their own way. I hope you will keep coming back and posting - this is a place where we can express how we truly feel to people who understand. Hang in there, time will make it more bearable - I truly believe that or I would have just packed it all in by now. And to quote the wisdom of my grandaughter "he will never die as long as he lives in our heart" so that being the case our loved ones will always remain with us. You had almost 50 years together -call on some of your wonderful memories to celebrate your anniversary.
You are in my prayers
Diane

    Bookmark   April 17, 2005 at 8:22PM
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socks

I'll be thinking of you today, Donna, your 50th anniversary.
I hope it isn't just overwhelming difficult for you. Why don't you get some fresh flowers in honor of the occasion? Maybe their beauty will lift you a bit.

Best wishes,
Susan

    Bookmark   April 18, 2005 at 10:55AM
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donnakt_gw

I'm going to a noon Mass today..being celbrated for our anniversary. I think his spirt will be there with me. I'm going to try sitting in the back in case the tears come and I can't stop them. Our kids did this before he passed on..there is another Mass on the 23

Thanks for thinking of us..
Donna

    Bookmark   April 18, 2005 at 11:01AM
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lulie___wayne

Donna, I've been away and just now seeing this. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your husband.
The mass being held to celebrate your life with your husband is such a beautiful idea. I hope that it rendered you a healing effect.
I haven't lost my spouse yet, so I really can't relate to what you are going through. I can only imagine. I'm so sorry. We are here for you when you need us.
Lu

    Bookmark   April 24, 2005 at 10:08PM
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jlj48

Donna,
I'm so sorry for your loss. My Mom was so lost without my Dad so I'm trying to imagine how you must feel. We are here for you.
Joanie

    Bookmark   April 25, 2005 at 7:40PM
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trinitytx

donna, just want to know how are you doing?
i am sure this has been tough.
bless your heart.
just wanted to let you know i was thinking of you.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2005 at 9:39PM
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donnakt_gw

It just isn't getting any better..it is true the calls are getting less each day and it is as it should be..others are going on about their own lives..but I truly feel as if mine is over. I can't and don't want to go on with out my soul mate.
I do sincerely thank all that have helped by posting and letting me cry my heart out to you.

Donna

    Bookmark   April 25, 2005 at 10:31PM
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Stasia

I know exactly what you are feeling. My husband passed away on November 22, 2004. We would have celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary on December 30. So far I have been through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's day and Easter without him. Each holiday has been hard, but the hardest was our anniversary. I strongly recomment a local bereavement group. The one I go to is for widows only. It is a great help to share with others who understand. I have found thatit is not easy to be with couples. I guess part of it is envy that I am not still part of a couple. It has been 5 months for me and I don't mean to be discourging, but it has not gotten easier, if anything with each passing day it gets harder. Hopefully after the first year things will start to get easier once we get through the first wedding anniversay, first birthday whether it is yours or his and all the other holidays that are firsts to be alone. Hang in there. We all can share your grief.

    Bookmark   April 26, 2005 at 11:00AM
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donnakt_gw

I hope you all are not getting tired of hearing me but I can't take my sorrow to my kids..they already worry about me enough. Today all I have done is to cry, I know it won't help but I just can't help it. I just don't understand why this had to happen.There are so many people that are unhappy with their spouse..but we were happy and just wanted to be together.

Donna

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 11:48AM
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adoptedbyhounds

Donna,
Nobody is going to get tired of hearing from you. I would guess that most of the people who drop by here know more than they want to about grieving, and are hoping to give others who visit a bit of comfort. It's one way of helping ourselves.

I hope you got to see or at least talk with your kids on Mother's Day.

    Bookmark   May 9, 2005 at 9:51PM
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chinacat_sunflower

honestly, donna... when you've spent years and years with one focus to your life- is it any surprise that the void is immense?

your put your heart in to your relationship, and did well enough by your children that they could leave the nest and start families of their own...and your nest was still there.

did He also have no friends but you? it's possible- I've noticed especially amongst older couples the tendency to be 'sufficient unto themselves' in a way that us kids don't seem to be. but if HE had friends...then you have the perfect people to mourn with, in the people who honoured him as much as you did.

I'm dealing with my father dying by inches before my eyes, and while my friends and my husband have been wonderful, the only real COMFORT I have found was from an unexpected source- I went through dad's phone book, and called everyone to tell them when he went back into ICU. about half of them were still there to hear the news...and one of his old students, a kid I've seen maybe three times in the 20 years since dad stopped teaching, turned out to be that one person that took it more seriously than most of the family. he calls from florida several times a week, and has given me enough strength to make the hour's drive to the hospital, and hold his hand without breaking down myself, and sing the old hebrew prayers poppa taught me...

and after the end, I think it will be we two who bring my mom through it.

there is more to life for you... you would have taken up Suttee, and followed your husband if that was what ought to have happened...but to live, and find new meaning, and new wonder, may be what your husband wanted most for you.

    Bookmark   May 10, 2005 at 3:34PM
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