That Time Of Year Again

jenniferwApril 17, 2007

Well, May 12th is fast approaching and I'm dreading it just as much as I did last year. This will be the second anniversary of my mother's death and while I feel I've come a long way in coping with my grief, there are times when it still feels fresh and raw. Lately I catch myself thinking about her more than usual and there are even times when I tear up in public at the thought of her. I thought I was past that stage, but I guess not. I find myself somewhat angry that she passed and that she's not here to share all of the wonderful things in my life with me. I never really felt angry with her for dying until just lately and I'm wondering why now?

In any case, I can't make the anniversary of her death go away, so I'll just have to try and deal with it in a positive way. It falls on a Sat. this year so I'm thinking of going to the lake where I think my stepfather scattered her ashes (yes, it's true...I don't know what became of my mother's remains due to my stepfather's lack of heart) and maybe have a picnic with my husband and son in her honor. Also, my husband and I bought our first house this past Nov. so we're doing a lot of work outside. I think I may plant a little garden in the corner in her memory.

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socks

I think your ideas are just wonderful--the picnic and especially the garden. You could put a little angel or other statue there which would be so meaningful.

My mother also died this month, but 4 years ago, on the 25th. I sure miss her still. She was a good friend, and we had so much fun together. I talked to her every day for just years and years, and now I cannot.

I'm sorry about your mom's ashes. But the most important thing is the love you still have for her and your memories too.

Take care.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2007 at 8:37PM
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sudiepav

I know how you are feeling. I dread this time of year, too. It starts with Mother's Day, then Millie's birthday on May 20 (she would have been 10 this year) and then June 17, the dreadful day that my son and granddaughter died. It will be four years, and although we're better, we're changed and at times, grief hits us so hard that we can almost not bear it. We, too, don't know where the ashes are. Our daughter-in-law would not tell us, although I think they were scattered in Lake Michigan. We are beginning work on our memory garden; lots of the ideas came from this site. I bet if you search this forum, you'll find some great ideas. I know I did. We hope to start this weekend, but talking out the shape, the plants, finding a bench, and so forth has been healing for my husband and me. I'll share when we get underway. You're in my prayers.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 11:39AM
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alisande

I think you're on the right track. Doing something to honor your mother is the best approach.

Spring can certainly be bittersweet with these anniversaries. I have one myself, having lost my daughter Gillian on May 28. It was Memorial Day that year, as it is again this year.

Susan

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 6:21PM
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mav63_2007

Jenniferw,
Your picnic sounds lovely and perfect for the occasion, a garden will be a place where you will always know she is there.
I am lucky, I still have my husbands ashes at home until I can scatter them where he requested.
My husband would have been 63 last Saturday and this may sound strange but I bought myself a gift, a necklance with a small cirle of ruby hearts to match a ring he gave me for valentines day one year. Each time I wear it it will remind me of his first Birthday we weren't together. His anniversary is Nov. 23 which I thought was going to be very traumatic for me until our oldest daughter announced that her baby is due Nov. 19, I know now that the pain won't be so bad, it's like he arranged it to be that way.
God Bless.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 12:43PM
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angela59

I can relate.........many birthdays and anniversaries right now! Alissa would have been 15 next Wednesday, 4/25 and the 2nd anniversary of her passing is 5/9. You have some great ideas.......do what feels right for you.........
Angela

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 7:40PM
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mary1helen2

It's always poignant .....my mom died on April 16th (3 yrs ago) and daddy on May 2...(forty-two yrs ago!) and I remember his death as clearly as that of my mother.
What a great idea about the memory gardens. I am not much of a gardener, but this idea sounds like something even I could do. I keep flowers on their graves but love this idea so much. I will search on the gardening forums for some help.
God bless all you guys who are sad and grieving.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2007 at 7:42PM
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