Mom Passed Away March 27 can't function

caroleena2005April 18, 2009

Hello everyone. My mom passed on March 27 09 at the age of 80. She had many various ailments and I was at her side when she passed. Even though I knew it was coming, seeing the monitor hit zero was shocking for me. I am moving out of Oregon at the end of May and trying to go thru everything and get it packed, I can barely get up in the morning. I had stopped smoking for 3 yrs and have started again more than ever. I either eat way too much or not at all. As days pass I see the mess I need to get thru and just stare at it even more. Everyday I say I will start doing it and the sun goes down with nothing or very little accomplished. I was with my mom for the past 7 yrs taking care of her, so I am trying to go thru both our belongings and make sense of everything. I did accomplish getting boxes of books and movies donated to the library and that took all my strength for something that should have taken 30 minutes. I am very disapointed with smoking and am getting nothing but feeling ill from it. Makes no sense to me. My sister is coming with her husband to move me into Arizona with them for awhile and the more the clock ticks the more paralyzed I feel. The most simple tasks are overwhelming, any suggestions or advice from anyone going thru or have gone thru would be so appreciated.

Thank you all for listening

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marksf

Hi Caroleena2005,

So sorry you lost your mom and my heartfelt prayers go out too you. I know what you mean about feeling paralyzed from it but you did a wonderful thing being with your mom up and taking care of her for the past 7 yrs. You know she loved you more than life itself for being there for her and wouldn't want you to suffer. I lost my brother this past October and was helping him through his liver disease but before that we were like left and right hands together for many years, and before that we lost mom in 2004 so now it's just me and it's a struggle, but I read and pray to God alot now plus go to some group sessions and it seems to help. If you have friends and family left, be with them and let them try and help sooth you and try and replace the cigs with something else. Try to remember the good times you had with your mom and don't force yourself to hurry through your grief, you might miss some soothing memories of your mom and take care of yourself, that would make your mom happy.

You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers

    Bookmark   April 18, 2009 at 10:31PM
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caroleena2005

Thank you so much for your reply. It really helps to know that there are people out there that have experienced the same things. I have kept myself so isolated taking care of mom becauseI was afraid something would happen if I left, that getting out of that mode is difficult. I am moving to be with my sister as I stated and that will be a totally good experience.
Thank you again for your response

    Bookmark   April 19, 2009 at 12:34PM
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marksf

Yes, it is hard to adjust after being a caregiver for a lovedone over a length of time. My brother and I gave care to my mother back in 2002 and she passed in 2004, then my brothers cirrohsis hit him so hard almost immediately in 2005 but we didn't get him scheduled for transplant evaluation until 2008 which ended up being too late. Hech me and my brother were like 2 sides of the same person and had been living together helping mom for many years as she helped us for so many before. It's good that you have family left that you can be with and I hope you will post back here off and on .

Hope to talk to you some more
Mark

    Bookmark   April 19, 2009 at 7:09PM
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caroleena2005

Well yesterday I reached down as far as I could and found something to get me motivated to getting the house ready. I accomplished one room completly and got things ready for hospice to take. It is that getting started that first step, and then it falls together. WE lived in a smaller place and thru out the years had thrown things out here and there, but I had no idea there were literely boxes and boxes of old business records that mom always wanted to shred, so that is something I can tackle this week. One thing that threw me for a loop was my phone messages were full so I had to delete some and that meant going thru them all and there it was 2 times her little voice calling from the hospital to remind to bring something to her. That was weird but I continued on. I am just grateful for this website to be able to post my feelings as they go up and down everyday.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 11:08AM
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lisamelvin

Hi Caroleena2005,

Just a short note to let you know you are not alone :)

I lost my beautiful Momma in August 2008 and life has not been the same for me since then. Momma and I lived together for 8 years so I could take care of her and when she left it seemed I had an extremely difficult time trying to find the routine to my days. I was home by myself for almost 5 months and I thought I was loosing my mind.

I can only say that here I am almost 9 months later and today I woke up and realised Mother's Day is right around the corner and I started crying. This will be the first one without Momma and I am unsure of what the day will bring to me.

Momma was one of the greatest loves of my life and I miss her desperately. The ONLY thing that makes the pain a little better is knowing her suffering has ended. She was such a beautiful and courageous person and her suffering was horrible. Some days I think I would give everything I have to have her here with me and then I think of the suffering in her eyes and I am able to pull myself together because I KNOW that she loved life but could do without the pain.

This forum was a total lifesaver for me and I am thankful for you that you found it too. There are some really wonderful people here that understand your feelings and sometimes that is all it takes to make the day just a little lighter :)

Bless you and your family......you will come to a day when you will tell yourself that "I am okay and I will get thru this, if only to make momma proud".....

Prayers to you....

Lisa

    Bookmark   April 30, 2009 at 9:33AM
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sautesmom

I was taking care of my Grandfather, 92, and my Mom,79, after my Mom,with dementia broke her hip and then my Grandfather had a stroke. After a couple of months I finally got them to agree to move 500 miles into assisted living near me, and my Grandfather died two weeks later in 2007. My Grandfather was the last "with it" member of my family, and I was shattered. I spent 2008 managing my Mom's deteriorating health, totally depressed and unable to work much at my self-employed business. I went through all my savings just living, going from crisis to crisis with my Mom. I slowly stopped crying every day, but still couldn't manage to even tackle packing up my Grandfather's things, much less start dealing with his house full of stuff.
When my Mom went into the hospital with her 2nd bout of pneumonia this Feb. and the doctor told me a week into it to take her off support since she would never be able to get out of bed again, I knew I couldn't spend another 6 months without income crying every day, and I decided to go on Prozac to see if it made a difference. Mind you, I only go to an MD for antihistamines, antibiotics or stitches, and use natural, holistic medicine otherwise. But I couldn't live totally depressed all the time.
It has made such a HUGE difference, all through the 5 weeks my Mom was in the hospital, on her death bed every day of it, and finally dying of pneumonia and MRSA. I still have bouts of crying, but I am not wanting to sleep all the time, unable to manage daily living chores.
I would urge you to also consider taking something, just to get you over this time, since it sounds like you are in the same space I was. You'll still work through the pain, but it's not as likely to consume your life.

    Bookmark   May 13, 2009 at 4:18PM
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