Greiving a partner who was in an accident - sudden loss

nightpilotApril 8, 2009

hello i am a friend of a work colleague who lost her husband in his 30's suddenly. can anyone recommend a book that i can give her to help her through the process. she has told me she may join a group. i just wanted to help give her a book that may explain things on how she is feeling - maybe a book written by someone in the same situation. thanks and any advice on the right book would be good - although i know that not all of relate to the same books - thanks -

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mariend

Books cannot be replaced by therpy. Ask around, check the papers, and phone book. Even funeral homes have resourses. She might need indivdual at first going into group and alot depends on her relationship with her husband and family. Phamplets might be easier to give because they are shorter to read. Even books written by a person in the same situation may not mean much because the people involved do not know each other. Also they tend to be on the religous side and unless you know this person real well and know what religion she is the book will not help.

    Bookmark   April 8, 2009 at 4:48PM
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barker_tx

go to Amazon in the book section search on GRIEVING - there are tons of books - some written by women whose husband has died - some deal with after death communication, etc. The one I liked best is Widow to Widow

Carolyn

    Bookmark   April 8, 2009 at 9:58PM
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asolo

I would not give anyone any book with which I was not familiar. The risk would be like giving the Book of Mormon to a Muslim. Unless you know what's in the book and where your friend is at, be careful with this. Grieving is an especially delicate time to risk pushing possibly unwelcome ideas that aren't even your own. Keep it light.

OK for children, if they're your own. Risky for adults.

    Bookmark   April 8, 2009 at 11:34PM
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marksf

If you are fairly close to her through your co-worker that passed I would say just trying to be there for her on a regular basis would help, also the group "griefshare" at www.griefshare.org is very helpful with many resources and best of all is a nationwide group sponsored by churches of most denominations. They have FREE weekly group meetings and don't require you to be a churchmember. The material is judai-christian based but helped this non church goer partially get a grip. The meetings are very helpful especially if you are completely alone and not adjusting well. All info is on the site and meeting locations are quick to find by entering your zipcode.

Hope this helps and my thoughts and prayers go out.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2009 at 6:08PM
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asolo

"The material is judai-christian based..."

Which is exactly the problem with almost all such literature in this country -- the assumption of sympathy, understanding, and agreement. With few exceptions, there's almost always an assumption/agenda attached. The giver is thinking comfort and caring. The recipient may be thinking insensitivity, arrogance, and proselytization. Be careful with this.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2009 at 8:20PM
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alisande

I'm surprised you didn't receive more encouragement here for your idea of giving your friend a book. When I lost my daughter I received many books as gifts. I was capable of deciding which appealed to me and which did not. The ones I read were truly helpful, mostly because they validated what I was feeling.

I think Carolyn had the right idea: take a look on Amazon, if you haven't already done so. You can get a pretty good feel for a book on that site by reading the description and customer reviews.

Good for you for wanting to help your friend.

    Bookmark   April 22, 2009 at 11:18PM
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