Mothers death but feeling strong, why?

markallApril 30, 2009

Im in my mid 30s and my mother was my best friend, we didnt live in the same country but we spoke every single day and i would see her every 2 months.

She was 61 and died unexpectedly in her sleep (3 and the half weeks ago), she wasnt sick but she suffered a stoke 2 years ago and has been so scared of getting another stroke and being paralyzed. My mother was very very independent, active and hated hospitals. She also had a weak heart.

It was a shock but deep down inside it wasnt really as i have been very worried for the last 2 years since her stroke, i have thought about it so often and sort of prepared myself mentally for that day. I just didnt know it would come so early.

Ofcourse i was in shock, i cried my eyes and wrote a memo for her in the first 2 weeks of her death and even though its still fresh i cry just once a day to myself but overall i am very confident and strong and i honestly am so surprised at myself. I even sometimes feel guilty about being so strong and im just getting on with it. She taught me to be strong but sometimes i feel like if shes watching she would be wondering why isnt he crying more often, he should be even more devastated.

My mother also became quite religious since her stroke, as if she knew her time was coming to an end.

Now the thing is im a believer in religion and i believe i will see her again and i also believe that she is around, i can feel her.

I am also so grateful that she died with no pain and she never had to witness one day in hospital, so in a way i am happy for her and i know shes in a better place but is it normal for me not to be in total tears all the time as i expected to be?

Sorry for such a long email.

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mcpeg

Hi Markall,
I am sorry your Mom is not with you. It was her time to go and I believe she is on the other side with long gone loved ones catching up on things.
I lost my Mom last summer - she was declining fast the last year, accelerated in the last 3 months. I did most my crying the last year of her life, knowing her time was coming and missing my Mom when she was more mobile and capable. In her case she hung on to life for her grandsons. She was their best friend. Loved them with all her heart.

I understand. Believe me.
I too don't feel like crying anymore. She is no longer suffering, did all that she could in her life and then some. She set an example I am still reaching to achieve. I am grateful for everything she gave but I know she has been missing my father and her family too. I feel she is on the other side and I will see her later.

With birth there is death. Human beings are the only creature on the planet aware of death. Animals have no idea.

I understand where you are coming from. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Just remember the good moments, be grateful for your life with her - she would want that. Don't worry whether or not your feelings and response to her passing fit any 'textbook' response. We are human and all different.

May God bless you and your family at this time.

Everything will be okay.

Cheers,
Peggy

    Bookmark   April 30, 2009 at 7:36PM
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markall

thank you so much Peggy

    Bookmark   May 5, 2009 at 12:50PM
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