Mothers death but feeling strong, why?
Im in my mid 30s and my mother was my best friend, we didnt live in the same country but we spoke every single day and i would see her every 2 months.
She was 61 and died unexpectedly in her sleep (3 and the half weeks ago), she wasnt sick but she suffered a stoke 2 years ago and has been so scared of getting another stroke and being paralyzed. My mother was very very independent, active and hated hospitals. She also had a weak heart.
It was a shock but deep down inside it wasnt really as i have been very worried for the last 2 years since her stroke, i have thought about it so often and sort of prepared myself mentally for that day. I just didnt know it would come so early.
Ofcourse i was in shock, i cried my eyes and wrote a memo for her in the first 2 weeks of her death and even though its still fresh i cry just once a day to myself but overall i am very confident and strong and i honestly am so surprised at myself. I even sometimes feel guilty about being so strong and im just getting on with it. She taught me to be strong but sometimes i feel like if shes watching she would be wondering why isnt he crying more often, he should be even more devastated.
My mother also became quite religious since her stroke, as if she knew her time was coming to an end.
Now the thing is im a believer in religion and i believe i will see her again and i also believe that she is around, i can feel her.
I am also so grateful that she died with no pain and she never had to witness one day in hospital, so in a way i am happy for her and i know shes in a better place but is it normal for me not to be in total tears all the time as i expected to be?
Sorry for such a long email.