Mom is slowly killing herself and I can't cope

helpwiththisApril 15, 2008


I am new to this forum and was hoping you all could help me. This is kind of long, so thanks in advance for reading!

My mom has been on and off drugs most of her life. Her and my father met in rehab, got married soon after, and then had me. Drinking and partying seperated them soon after I was born.

They both did drugs and drank on and off during my childhood, but overall I was a pretty happy kid who had no idea. They both worked and had pretty good lives.

My mom was remarried and a few years ago my stepdad died, of an accidental drug overdose. For a few years prior to that I had suspected they had drug problems, and my siblings still living at home pretty much confirmed it. I confronted my mom and stepdad and they denied it. Then my stepdad died!

A year later my moms home burnt down. It was a accidental and nobody was hurt, but I have my suspicions it was drug related.

Over the past few years my moms relationship with me has become very distant (it had been off and on since I was in high school and moved out). She usually calls me when she needs something, like money. Sometimes I help her depending on the circumstance. Like, I won't give her cash, but I will go get her groceries or pay a bill, etc. I have talked to my whole family about her drug use and they are all fed up. Grandparents have been dealing with her drug use since her teenage years and have washed their hands of her. Her siblings just don't care. Plus all our family lives out of state. My siblings are all on their own now and do not want to stand up to her. When I tell her she needs help she gets defensive and tells me I am judgemental and I do not know what I am talking about.

She was arrested for posession of drugs. I mailed her a letter while she sat in jail telling her how I missed my mom and wanted her to get help. When she got out of jail I called her and she refused to talk to me and had her latest junky boyfriend tell me to f*** off. She still won't admit she has a problem. It is always someone elses fault, like she said it was not her drugs she got caught with! Like she is innocent and just happens to hang out with all druggies.

When I got married I bought her clothes to wear to my wedding shower and my wedding. She blew off both. My sister went to her house before my shower and my mom was so high my sister left her there.

My problem is I am slowly seeing her killing herself with drugs. She has turned into a disgusting looking useless being. She is sickly looking and high all the time. She never admits it.

I do not know what to do with someone who won't admit they have a problem.

Help me deal with this! I cry a lot over it and feel lately like I should just come to terms with the fact my mom will not live long.

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What age are YOU now? how old is your mother?

Knowing your age will help us HELP YOU determine how to best deal with your mother.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2008 at 7:05PM
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I'm 28 and she is 47.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2008 at 9:52PM
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The only advice I can think of is for you to find a good Alanon group or the narcotics equivalent, if such a thing exists. Alanon helps those who love addicts or those who are dysfunctional in other ways, and helps them deal with the terrible frustration, anger, and sorrow that comes from watching someone they care about destroy themselves, and being powerless to help.

The other thing I want to say is that I'm certain on some level your mom is aware that her child rather miraculously grew into a good person living a good life. Even if she can't bring herself to say it, I'm sure she's filled with pride for you. You come across as a very caring and wise person, and I send you my sympathy. You're in a difficult situation. I hope it resolves in a positive manner, but if not please assure yourself that you've done your best.


    Bookmark   April 16, 2008 at 8:17PM
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You are old enough to obtain a medical power of attorney for your mother, and get her admitted into a recovery center. I would contact, and meet with her physician and your attorney and get to work on it. It will take the physician's order to obtain it and the attorney's expertise to assure it's filed correctly. It's fairly obvious that your mom is NOT in her right mind and NEEDS help.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2008 at 10:35PM
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