I lost my mom this month
I am 30 and just lost my mom earlier this month to lung cancer. She was 53 and my world! We only found out she was sick a month and half ago. She had the complete belief that she was going to beat this and she was going to be a survivor, so we never talked about the other "dying". I was her health surrogate and she told me that she wanted anything done that would save her. Two days before she died she was playing yhatzee and was in good spirits, then my world crashed in on me. She stopped responding, her eyes were open but she didnt respond to us. The doctor told me that she was close to going and how far did I want to take it. I feel they talked me out of doing all the life prolonging procedures, I ended up not doing a code, no vent, no dialysis and finally no more lopressors. She passed 8 min. after the drip was done. I feel like it is my fault! She trusted me to take care of her. My dad died when he was 33 in a car accident and I am the oldest of 4 girls. She always trusted me to do what was right. I stood next to her and watched the most important thing in my lfe take her last breath and I didn't do anything to stop it!! I am filled with guilt and greif. I love her so much and I don't know how to get through this.