I lost my mom this month

jtierneyjmhcApril 27, 2009

I am 30 and just lost my mom earlier this month to lung cancer. She was 53 and my world! We only found out she was sick a month and half ago. She had the complete belief that she was going to beat this and she was going to be a survivor, so we never talked about the other "dying". I was her health surrogate and she told me that she wanted anything done that would save her. Two days before she died she was playing yhatzee and was in good spirits, then my world crashed in on me. She stopped responding, her eyes were open but she didnt respond to us. The doctor told me that she was close to going and how far did I want to take it. I feel they talked me out of doing all the life prolonging procedures, I ended up not doing a code, no vent, no dialysis and finally no more lopressors. She passed 8 min. after the drip was done. I feel like it is my fault! She trusted me to take care of her. My dad died when he was 33 in a car accident and I am the oldest of 4 girls. She always trusted me to do what was right. I stood next to her and watched the most important thing in my lfe take her last breath and I didn't do anything to stop it!! I am filled with guilt and greif. I love her so much and I don't know how to get through this.

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First of all let me tell you how sorry I am. I know the heartbreak of losing a mom. I suppose we all do, at least those of us who were close to our parents. But please...please...please do not blame yourself. We are humans and of course we would do anything in our power to prevent our most cherished loved ones to pass to the next world. But as humans, and yes even doctors...cannot stop God when HE decides it is time. All you did was stop a lot of suffering before she passed. You did the right thing. When my mom was nearing the end the doctors called me and said she needed a pacemaker. Do we want to do that or should we say she has been through enough. My dad and I both agreed we had gone too far to give up. We said go ahead. When my mom found out she cried that they put a pacemaker in her. She had already flat lined and they brought her back into this world, in pain, blind and suffering. She had briefly seen Heaven and was so upset we brought her back to continue her suffering on earth. So see? We are selfish on this side. It's because we don't want to lose them. But the other side is wonderful, and we will all be together again when God says it is our time. Nobody gets out of this thing alive. It sucks and even after 3 years I break down and ask why? But please don't blame yourself. You are human and don't have the power to choose the right time. Please post more and know there are others of us who have been through the pain and know what you are going through.


    Bookmark   April 27, 2009 at 11:19AM
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Please don't blame yourself.

nothing anyone can say will ease your pain right now,
but do know we care and many of us have been through the same thing.

life is unfair.
I miss my Mom and my son.

Mom died from a fast onset of cancer and we did everything we could but in the end we were just torchering her.

she died 2 months after being diagnosed.
she also saw the other side befor she died and was so happy.
she said she saw my son Brian and was so happy to be joining him.

I know this doesn;t help right now but when your mind is ready hopefully it will.
just know you are not alone.
we all care about you.


    Bookmark   April 29, 2009 at 7:36PM
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I also lost my Momma to lung cancer in August 2008 and it was devastating.

She was diagnosed in January and by August she was gone. We also had the strong belief she was going to beat this. I am the oldest of her three daughters. Momma took the decision making out of our hands and had a living will drawn up and signed that no life saving measures be used, she did not want to be hooked up to any machines.

The radiation caused fibrosis in her lungs and they turned to hard sponges that would not soak up the oxygen for life and that was ultimately was caused her death. A VERY horrible way to die not being able to breathe.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life to lay beside her and let her go. I felt the change when she was no longer with me. It was excruiciating and I pray I never have to go thru it again but I would not change a thing but her suffering.

Blessings to you and yours.....it may not seem like it now but the days will become brighter with time :)

Prayer hugs (())


    Bookmark   April 30, 2009 at 9:51AM
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I really appreciate the encouragement. I feel so alone sometimes and coming to this site helps me feel like I am not alone.
I am a roller coaster of emotion, sometimes I am happy and ok and then the reality of her deaath hits me and I can't breath. I miss her so much! My husband still has his parents and he can not understand what this feels like! Mothers Day is here and I am without my mother!
A lot of rambling but thatnk you for letting me vent.
God bless,

    Bookmark   May 10, 2009 at 9:27AM
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Hi,I just turned 39 this past Friday and I know what you are going through. I lost my mom and best friend on Nov. 25th out of the blue. she died in her sleep of a silent heart-attack. It has been a little over 5 months and I am still in shock. I will have a day that I am thinking I am doing better then it smacks me in the face. My emotions are raw and uncontrollable as I am sure yours are too. Mothers day totally does not help. my kids gave me my birthday/mothers day gift Friday as they knew I really didn't want anything to do with it at all. I had to go to my husbands parents today and for the first time ever I didn't buy or read the card. I just couldn't. Don't feel quilty over what happened to your mom. I know its easier said than done but apparently it was her time to go as it was with my mom. I would suggest that right now you pray and pray hard that God will just carry your pain and that he can block it enough that you can carry it and still mourn..and talk about it..I know if I keep it bottled up I end up totally losing it..I don't know if it will ever get better. I can't really give you advise as I am at a loss as well but I can listen because I know only us who are in the same shoes truely understand. I will pray for you tonight . I hope you can get some sleep , mothers day is almost over..thank God.

    Bookmark   May 10, 2009 at 11:17PM
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GOD TOOK HER HOME, A GREAT JOY IN HEAVEN A GREAT LOSS ON EARTH....MY MOTHER DIED OF A STROKE,SHE WAS TEACHING HER SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS. SHE LAID IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 17 DAYS, WITH NO RESPONSE, I DIDNT GET TO SAY GOODBYE, I UNDERSTAND YOUR LOSE, THERE IS NO REPLACEMENTS FOR OUR MOTHERS, BUT THERE LOVE FOR US AND OURS FOR THEM WILL NEVER DIE.... I cry in the dark, so no one can see, I cry for my Mommy, as if I were three. I do not want to bother anyone with my pain, I only wish I could hold my Mommy again. I do not know at times, If I can go on. Im all alone, now that she's gone, Im trying so very hard to hold on. I forgot, as I was wrapped up in my own problems in life. That if Mommy wasnt there, then nothing would be alright. Im a big girl now, and Mommy said she was so proud, I wonder what she would say, If she could see me now. I will let everyone believe, that Im just fine. But my Mommy always knew when I was lieing. The only thing I know to due, is go back to my dark room, where none can see, how badly this has taken hold of me. I have things to be thankful for, so many, I need to take time to thank the Lord for watching over me and my Family, I also want to let him know, that for the Love I have in my heart,that she owns, I will let my Mommy go. Take good care of her, for I promise to change my ways, so I can be there with her someday, to hold her hand, and kiss her cheek, and tell her over and over again, how much she means to me

    Bookmark   May 14, 2009 at 1:41AM
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