Five Years Ago Today...
Today...April 6th...marks five years since my sister's passing. Today also happens to be my niece's 5th birthday and my brother's 43rd birthday. It's a day of celebration and mourning. My sister died during a scheduled C-section, giving birth to a beautiful little girl five years ago today. She picked April 6th since she had the option to pick the day and because it was our brother's birthday she thought it would be a thoughtful gesture.
I feel sad today. I feel sad for my brother, too. My parents are still devastated, naturally.
It's funny...five years is a long time. However when it comes to days like this, it seems as though it was only yesterday. People think you should be "over it" by now. I've actually had people say to me, "It's just a date". But it's so much more. Even my DH doesn't quite realize the significance of the anniversary...he doesn't realize that every minute, every hour of THAT day comes back to me as I awake that morning...shower...go to work...then before you know it...it's 2:00 p.m. and that's the time I received "the call" five years ago today.
It's amazing to me how we're "expected" to behave and feel. I feel like people actually roll their eyes when I express that I'm sad because of this...as if to say, "it's been five years now...we dont' want to hear about it...it's an excuse to feel sorry for yourself". I don't know...it's probably my imagination...but I WANT the world to stop today...I WANT to be able to go home and sleep, cry...I WANT people to know I am hurting.
Thank you for listening...tomorrow (April 7th) will be a better day.