She died in her sleep and I'm living in a daze !
On November 25, 2008 (not yet 5 months), I got a call saying my mom who was a healthy 73 died in her sleep. She was not sick or anything , I guess she had something called a silent heart attack. I am 38 and I live next door and have lived here since I married 20 years ago. I don't know what to do without her. My dad is so lonely and sad, he is 75 and mom did everything for him. They were a true love story. I do his laundry, pay bills, cook and do all the things for him I can, but I have a panic now when I leave him alone. I have to call him at exactly 8:00 a.m everyday and we spend the day together while my husband is at school and teenagers are at school. He eats dinner with us and then goes home and I call him at exactly 10:30 and then he goes to bed. I am aware that I am developing some phobias but I don't know what to do. I hate it because if I find myself laughing or taking a second to step out of my box I feel quilty. My mom had 12 brothers and sisters and she was the first sister to go and all of them are so loss, she was the anchor...now the big part..my mom was not baptized but was such a wonderful person, I truly mean it when I say she never treated anyone bad, and had the most forgiving heart. She went to church fairly regular but never was comfortable there because she felt nobody liked her..and really it was my fault we kept going there because I just have always gone there for the last 12 years..its a small church of about 100 and honestly some didn't even know her first name . My mom was always shy so people just ignored here there so she never wanted to go forward because she didn't feel like they treated people right., yet for years she went. She was so good, In fact she died in her chair waiting for her grandchildren because she babysat them even when everyone wanted her to quit because it was to much for her. She knew they were all she had. Since she has gone I have had a couple signs that she is ok but the old devil creeps in every so often to assure me she is not. I just feel like she is setting on my brain all the time and I can't deal. I'm just missing her so bad , we did so much together. Where to I begin, I know this a lot to put out there but I am just lost. My oldest daughter was going to go away to college this coming fall but decided to stay at home and go local so I do feel there is a little light . Any advise or have any of you been in this situation.