Mammogram recheck story
Two weeks ago I went in for my first mammogram. They let me know before the test that it is not uncommon to get called back for more views, so if I do get called not to freak out about it. So 2 days later I got a call from Women's Health asking me to come in for more views. The woman on the phone was really trying not to freak me out and said that due to dense breast tissue, the radiologist wasn't able to see everything clearly. So, I didn't freak out and in fact took an appoinment for a week later so I would not have to miss work. Flash foward to yesterday . . . the appoinment.
I was not nervous as I went in to the dr office. It wasn't my regular dr, but I still was fine. I changed into the gown and locked my things in the locker and went to sit in the waiting room. The technician who was giving me the directions about what to do wasn't very cheerful, but I figured it was just her personality. She did my mammogram pretty quickly and then had me go back into the waiting room to wait for an ultrasound. I knew I was getting the U/S but didn't realize that it's not typical. I was nervous as I waited. I saw other women in the waiting room and everyone was really quiet. The tech came back and said it would be a few more minutes, someone else was getting an U/S. So, eventually I was called back by the U/S tech-a different woman. I kept waiting for the friendly smiles, the "oh, this happens sometimes when we can't see the pictures very well." There was no reassurance. No smiles. She took me into the room and said, "So are these lumps that you are feeling?" What Lumps? "I wasn't told I have any lumps, just that they couldn't see very well in the mammogram," I said. The tech did not answer me and began the U/S as I wiped tears and tried to keep it under control. She spent a long time going over the same section of the right breast and said nothing. Then she switched to the left breast. After a moment she said, "Oh I see what they are looking for on this one. This is just a cyst. See here how it's black on the screen? It's filled with fluid and you can get it drained if it bothers you. Do you know about cysts?" Yes I know cysts are not a cancer scare. What was a scare was that she still wasn't talking about the right breast. Then she said the doctor would be in in a few minutes to explain everything to me and answer all my questions. By now I am sitting on the side of the table shaking and wiping tears. I pull myself together to get directions to the restroom because I really had to pee. It was just a minute after I returned that the doctor came in. She introduced herself and said "How are you?" I didn't answer her question. She, like all the others did not smile and was not friendly. Why can't someone be reassuring??? She had the tech do the ultrasound again and they talked about "it", not fluid filled, does it change shape when you compress it . . . then she told me that it's likely not cancerous--about 1% chance--and to come back it get it checked in 6 months so they can see if it's growing. That was it. The dr left and the tech said that she tells it like it is and if it looked suspicious I would be scheduling a biopsy.
So I am supposed to feel relieved and not worried. I do not feel that way. I am upset and stressed. This morning I went to work and had to leave right away because I couldn't talk without crying. It's hard to teach that way! My husband asked if I wanted anything before he went to work, I said no. He gave me a quick kiss and left. He doesn't deal well with women's emotions. I am naturally a crier, but because I know he won't tolerate it, I don't usually let him see me cry. So here I am with no one to talk to. I don't want to call my mom because I know I will cry and I don't want her to know I am upset.
I'm not sure what I am asking, I guess I'm just venting. I don't want people who know me to know I am so upset about nothing, but I did tell my co-worker.