sudden death of husband at 46 years of age

still_in_shockMarch 21, 2008

Hi...I stumbled upon this forum and felt compelled to many of you my life has changed so drastically..I still can't believe this is my life.

My husband and I were married for 10 years. We met "later" in life, married at 36, amazing 9 year old son and beautiful daughter from China, 4 years old.

On the evening of December 10, 2007, my husband died suddenly of a cardiac arythmia (ventricular fibrillation) right before my eyes...I did all I could to save him but death came suddenly and without warning and stole the love of my life; my very bet friend. My children and I are devastated; he was an amazing Dad and do I move forward? No one can replace this man...a week before he died he took a homeless man to lunch and bought him shoes...he loved life and touched the hearts of everyone who met him; my heart is broken, my eyes are vacant. Each day brings new challenges and I know that with the help of my children, family and friends, we will get through this but we will never forget...and we will NEVER be the same. God bless all of you.

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I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Grieving is a process, and you can expect to go through phases of shock, anger and more. Eventually you will move forward and adjust to this big change in your life.

If you have a place of worship, folks there may give you support. Otherwise, now's the time to ask friends and family for help, especially with the kids. You'll need to rest as much as you can -- too much stress weakens the immune system and you don't want to get sick.

I know you will find the strength to carry you through this and I wish you all the best.

    Bookmark   March 22, 2008 at 10:30PM
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Sudden deaths have got to be extra hard, and your husband was so young. I hope others who have lost husbands will see your post and respond. My husband died two years ago, but he had dementia for ten years before that. Nothing like your experience.

Sometimes I think the very good do die young, at least some of them. Their profound goodness seems to wrap up their lives on earth long before we think they should go. I've often said that my daughter Jill (who died at age 25) accomplished more in her life than many who live to be elderly.

I hope you'll stay with this forum and get some support here.


    Bookmark   March 22, 2008 at 10:32PM
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My Dear Husband died a year ago, this April 17th, of pancreatic cancer - he was 54. Though his death was not sudden, it was - he melted away in three weeks - went from 170 pounds to 139 in the blink of an eye!

He was still working until two weeks before he died - took a week of vacation and was abed for a week. I will NEVER get over this - I have dealt with it every day, but as far as 'moving on' - I don't see that happening - he was just the love of my life and I miss him so very much. I still cannot grasp that he is deceased.

I hope you will lean on us if you need to and will get whatever help you need - take care, and let us know how you are doing - we are a forum of CARING PEOPLE - we WANT TO support you!

    Bookmark   March 23, 2008 at 12:13PM
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My heart felt sympathy to all who have lost their loved ones. My husband of 50 years passed into the better life on April 2, 2005. He was in the hospital for two months, the Doctors told us there were no cancer cells in the last test..he died the next day. I will never get over this either so I do know how you feel.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2008 at 10:41AM
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a sudden death is never easy...............whatever time to say goodbye.Da died last year aged 81. I feel for you, if you log back on I want you to know you are loved. I never do anything like this! But we are the same age , I feel empathy, can´t explain why. Carol (Irish living in the Alpujarras, Spain, cleanest air in Europe...Hey...visit sometime...

    Bookmark   April 13, 2008 at 2:08PM
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My dear, you are indeed still in shock. My 42 YO husband dropped dead of a massive heart attack 3 1/2 years ago, and there are times that I still cannot believe it. It is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. My advice to you is to focus on yourself and your daughter. (I also had a 2 YO at the time of my husband's death.) You need to take care of yourself first so that you can take care of her and help her with her grief. Do not be afraid to ask for help. All of those people with there "if there's anything I can dos"? Let them know what they can do. You will have to tell them, because they will not continue to offer. You will also have to initiate with them because they all will go back to the day to day business of their lives.

Be well and take care.

((((((hugs))))))) and understanding!

Here is a link that might be useful: Young Widow Bulletin Board

    Bookmark   April 21, 2008 at 3:04PM
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My first husband died at 41 when I was 22 and 6 mos pregnant with our 2nd 2nd husband died at 49 when I was 33..all I know, is you have to learn to feel safe and capable on your own..never take for granted your loved ones..cherish them every moment, but do not rely on them for your happiness. God Bless

    Bookmark   May 9, 2008 at 4:01AM
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Oh gosh I didn't know there was a grieving forum in here. I discovered it by accident.

I don't have alot of time right now but I will be back. My Ex, my daughters father dropped dead at 47. It seemed so young and then I come in here and find others who have lost ones alot younger.

    Bookmark   May 15, 2008 at 11:22AM
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i too lost my husband suddenly, he was 52, he was bedridden, - diabetic, doouble amputee, almost blind, but he was at the doctors office at 445 pm on a monday, the next day a tuesday everything was fine and at 200 am when the puppy woke us up he was playing with her with me, the alarm went off at 7 am and he never turned it off, he told me he couldn't. then he stared off into space, the fire trucks came, the ambulance came, he spent part of the day in the er, and then was moved into icu, where we learnt he had had a massive stroke, at 515 pm i decided that there would be no heroics and i had them turn off the machines, he passed away just before 10 pm, so we were lucky he didn't suffer so long.
so here i am a year later age 52 with a 19 yr old daughter and a 25 year old son, his relatives have dropped us like we were the plague.
we were married for 25 years and i was treated like a queen, i was lucky i had a husband who did everything with us and that people just loved, we told each other i love you all the time.
i still do not sleep at night, and was very independant before and still am, but i will never date again since there will never be anyone who can take his place.]

    Bookmark   May 15, 2008 at 12:55PM
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I lost my husband and best friend suddenly on 06.03.08. I am amazed that I can be in this much pain and agony and still live. He was 56 and we had 12 1/2 wonderful years. He was far from a perfect man but he was the perfect man for me and I will miss and love him until the end of my days. I truly don't know how I will get through this. I do know I will never be the same person I was. I see nothing but black.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2008 at 3:06AM
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I am so sorry for your loss, no words I can say will help you feel better right now. My husband was 62 (still young) when he passed 20 months ago. You will live and you will go on and it will get better but in the meantime it is OK to be lost, confused and to cry until you think there are no more tears in you then you will cry again. No, your life will never be the same,you will make a different life for yourself and the children but it will take time. I have been promised that I will be happy again some day and I wish the same for you and your children.
God Bless,

    Bookmark   August 15, 2008 at 10:53AM
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My husband died this summer. He had a heart attack while jogging. He was 42. He was in good shape. He ran about twice a week. We have young kids. I cannot believe it or understand it. We were a couple for nineteen years.

    Bookmark   October 16, 2008 at 10:34AM
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i am 26 years of age,i have an amazing partner,the eldest of 3 siblings and the mother of two children,i would like to share with you my story as i find comfort in known that all of us are here to share and open up.
i had moved to australia raised by my dad(we shared a very close bond that i know not even distance can separate)and done the best he could, me and my sisters ventured off into the big wide world hoping only to make him proud achieve financial stability and all the things he wanted for us.
in a dramatic twist and unexpected my father past away from a heart attack october the 10th 2007,i have since returned to new zealand, my sisters went home my partner too,i am here to say that i dont know how to heal i dont know how to get healing mentally,emotionally and physically.
every inch of my soul yearns for my dad, i have cut off friends family and church members,i am a walking ball of rage and the only solace i find is in my children,and thinking about him all the time,i pray to god to help me heal,but my faith as strong as it is gives me no relief some days are better than other's and then others days i just find the energy to breathe,i miss him so much and as his child i have had to be the pillar of strength,i discuss none of this with anyone i never got to say goodbye,i miss him so much.i wonder if anyone has advice for closure.a grieving daughter.they say time heals and you know i dont know if this is the answer

    Bookmark   October 26, 2008 at 4:53AM
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Hello. I am sorry for all your losses. I am 34 and just lost my partner of 17 years. He contracted malaria whilst on a 4 day job in Nigeria. I was lucky enough to be with him to the end but do not know how i am supposed to get through each day knowing i will never see him or talk to him again. I am trying really hard but the pain is unbelievable. It has only been three weeks but i don't know what i should be doing. He was my life and now i feel lost.
Love Molly

    Bookmark   November 2, 2008 at 12:41AM
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Molly, I am so sorry about your dear husband. Sounds like you were high school sweethearts by the age you are and the number of years married. Time does help, but I can tell you that it will always hurt to some degree. Somebody said that grief/loss is the price we pay for love and as painful as that is I suppose it has a ring of truth to it. Please don't suffer alone. If you can get into a support group do it. It might be hard at first but it would help to talk with others who have gone through similar losses. Bless you Molly and know we are here for you if you need to talk, cry, vent or whatever. Please take care of yourself.


    Bookmark   November 2, 2008 at 9:29AM
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My heart goes out to you. Maam i'm so proud of you. Dont lose hope because you have 2 wonderfull children.. dont focus to the negative side maam.. GOD have a plan to you.. My late father died also on December 10,... you can read this ebook maam its so inspirational

Here is a link that might be useful: TGI

    Bookmark   May 6, 2009 at 12:46PM
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I also lost my husband at 46 of a heart attack..this was in sept 1990, and i miss him every minute of everyday..don't let people tell you when to stop grieving..i still haven't stopped..i ignore people who think they know what i am going thru..i live my life, but never does a day go by, when i don't talk about him, or think of him...

    Bookmark   May 24, 2009 at 2:45PM
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    Bookmark   June 18, 2011 at 5:19AM
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I lost my husband 10 days ago from massive heart attack right before my eyes. i've tried to save him and I couldn't. He was 46, I am 40 we were married for 9 years and have 2 years old son. I don't know if I can make it.

    Bookmark   June 20, 2011 at 2:47PM
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i lost my beloved husband 5 months ago from a sudden heart attack, i tried to save him but couldn't. we had been together 3 years, married for 9 months, he was 50. He was my best friend and soul mate and i just function each day, I cry a lot. his family have been awful to me, as if they blame me some how, as if losing him as i did is not painful enough. i have 2 kids, which were his step children and they loved him so much. i cannot see the pain fading ever and feel so lost without him. I go to work and look 'normal' then break my heart when i am on my own.

    Bookmark   July 27, 2011 at 3:25PM
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I am so sorry for your loss, you didn't get to spend nearly enough time as a married couple but I will bet that what you had was heaven on earth. I am also sad for the children to have him for such a short time. Grieving is very painful and you just wish he could have taken you with him but then you realize that you still have a mission to complete here. Cry as much as you like, you really do have to "cry it out". The pain will fade I promise, but it will take quite a while. My DH has been gone 4 1/2 years and there are days when it feels like yesterday and I cry for hours. My worst fear now is that the memory of us being together is getting further and further away, so I have to have a bad day to bring him back. That may not make too much sense to anyone else but that is my life.Try to be brave and keep him close to our heart.

    Bookmark   July 29, 2011 at 10:16AM
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I know how you feel. I lost my husband suddenly almost a year and a half ago. He is the love of my life. I have a five year old daughter and a two year old son and am exhausted both mentally and emotionally. I have my good moments and bad. It's aroller coaster I don't want to be on. But I'm alive and need to do the best I can. I didn't have a choice in what happened to my beloved but I do have a choice in how I want to live my life. My children and I deserve to be happy and I will make that happen with everything inside of me. I am only 38 and never planned to be a single mother...
The grief will never go away, it will be living with the grief that is the learning experience because love never dies nor will the grief. I am hopeful and that is enough for now.
Be strong and weak or anything you need to be. It's all ok and normal.
Love and peace Steph

    Bookmark   September 11, 2011 at 4:55PM
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I know how you feel my husband passed away on the 12th of August 2011 from a heart attack. He was, he is and he will continues to be the love of my heart. I can see him in my children (anis 20 and Nicolas 17) I will never forget him. Though I am suffering I will continue the journey that we have started together but alone for the sake of my children. Please Pray for me.

    Bookmark   October 5, 2011 at 7:18AM
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I lost my beautiful Husband July 22, 2013 from a heart attack at the age of 51. I was 46. He was everything to me. He loved me so much. We would have been married 12 years in September. I found him and I watched him die. Something that will haunt me for the remainder of my life. I wanted to take my life but my Parents arrived 1 hour before my Baby was taken from me. I've lost 20 lbs and I can't sleep and cry all the time. He was a wonderful man. We moved from our hometown of Idaho to Utah for his Job, but I had him butied back home in Idaho. Our family and friends are in Idaho. I will be leaving this unforsaken state asap to be close to him. I already have my plot by his. I don't want people to talk to me. I hate it. I'm in incredible pain. I know i need to join a support group of widows only. But not a therapist. I have a lump on my breast that I was seeing a cancer specialist for now I don't want to see anyone. I want to be with my Howie. I just can't live without him. I can't.

    Bookmark   August 26, 2013 at 4:04AM
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Dear Kerao, what you are going through is the worst pain there is, the half of your whole is gone. I have been where you are having lost my husband 7 years ago. I too wished I could have gone with him but I now know that is not what he would have wanted for me. As time goes on the pain will ease but will never leave you completely. Try to be brave for him and ride through this. The scary part is what I am going to do for the rest of my life but he will see me through and so will your husband, just open yourself up to his voice. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Bookmark   August 27, 2013 at 6:41PM
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I know what you's are all going through I lost my partner of 14 and half years from a acute myocardial ischaemia heart attack, last year April, he was 41 I was 30, I was 4 months pregnant with third child our eldest was 10 and our youngest was 6, it happened so suddenly I was not prepared at all, it happened in front of me and our two children, I can only think now is that I have made it through a year with out him and all the first are over such as the first Xmas the Easter and first b'days with out him, not saying that it is any easier, ive found it really hard to adjust of doing everything on my own at the age of 17 I was living with him and he took care of me now ive had to do it on my own but I am doing it and I had to for my children the only thing that really hurts is when I look at my six month old baby and know that she will never meet her father, I have accepted that he is gone but I am great full of all the memories we had and shared,
all I can say is life does go on, just know that we arnt alone and if you need help it is there through your freinds and families

    Bookmark   May 2, 2014 at 8:47AM
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Hello and my condolences to all the greiving widows. I am recently a widow (March 20, 2014). I understand that grief is different for everyone, but I just feel like I haven't gotten to a point where I have fully expressed my loss. My husband was 46 and had esophageal cancer that matastisized. However, once he had his operation, we were told that they had found and removed all the cancer. It was a devistating blow when we found out that they hadn't. I am a woman with strong faith so throughout this battle I never once believed that my husband would not be a living miracle. I was convinced that God was not going to take my husband. I knew that God's will would be done, but I just didn't believe he would take my husband. We were together for close to 20 years, but had only been married close to 2 years. He died 4 days before our second anniversary. His battle seemed long, but it actually was very short. He was diagnosed in June of 2013 so it was less than a year. After 2 months in the hospital, mostly in critical care, he was able to come home and I took care of him. For a while, he seemed to be progressing, but then eventually, we were unable to control his pain. I spent everyday with him for his last 8 months. I slept in the hospital and on our living room recliners. Something I thank God for. It also may be why I don't have this aching in my bones from grief. I thought I would be a complete basket case, but I'm not. I am not depressed, but I have a really deep sadness. Sometimes lonliness and fear creep in. I miss him tremendously! Sometimes I feel like I don't know what to do or what to feel. I cry or sometimes just stare. I always feel like I want him to come back. I was at his bedsied, holding his hand when he took his last breath and up until that moment, I still knew there was a chance that God would heal him. When he didn't I believe I went into shock and maybe that is still where I am. I still can't believe he's gone. I want so badly to understand, but I know that I probably never will. I see that it's been a long time since anyone has posted here so I hope that someone logs on again. It is so good to be able to express myself to people who have gone through the same thing or very similar. I don't know what stage of greif I'm in. I have two daughter 9 and 11. They seem to be just fine. You all will be in my prayers.

    Bookmark   May 27, 2014 at 11:27AM
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I have come across this forum and have read the stories of so many women like me.. My husband died suddenly on May 25, after I turned off his life- support. He'd had a stroke, he was talking to me on the way to the hospital and four days later he was dead. At 42. It was 2 months ago, but it was yesterday. I feel like I'm living someone else's life, and if it wasn't for my 2 sons, I would just go with him. I'm empty, and broken and the thought of this being forever is unbearable. I love him and miss him every moment. He was my true love, my heart, and no one will or could ever replace him. He's left me behind. I can't wait to be with him again.

    Bookmark   July 29, 2014 at 5:12AM
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I'm so sorry.

You'll never be the way you were, nor would you want to be;
as you said, he was your true love, & he wouldn't want you to grieve & be miserable & not enjoy, relish, & revel in the life you still have on this earth with your/his children.

You are a vibrant young mother with 2 dear children tethering you to this earth;
your mission here is important & it won't be complete for many many years.

Your precious sons are the next links in your beloved husband's chain of life, & you're the one who can nurture their connections to their roots, for their sakes & for the sakes of their children.,

Please take care of yourself, in every way.

Eat right, don't drink, make sure you see people every day (isolation is an enemy).

Grief is deep & dark, but depression is a physical malfunction that can be beaten.

Get outside that house & get your heart pumping;
oxygenated blood is the best medicine for...well, many things.

I know you don't feel like jogging or playing tennis or swimming, because not wanting to do anything is a symptom of depression.

Make yourself do it anyway.

If you can't summon the strength, have someone call you every morning & tell you to get up & get dressed & get outside.

I always managed to get up if I knew someone was on the way over to take me to jazzercise, etc, somebody who wouldn't be embarrassed to bang on the door & holler at me to get my @ss out there.

& go to your doctor:
this is the year 2014, & there are sophisticated medicines out there these days to help you.

Enlist some help;
go to your family, friends, neighbors, church family, people at work, people you meet in the grocery store (seriously, I've found that saying "what a beautiful hairdo!" or "is that the best peanut butter?" provides a tiny little spark of human contact that really helps you to keep putting one foot in front of the other).

& this may sound off the wall, but do something for someone else:
it lifts the spirits & affirms...something, I don't know what.

I do know that researchers have discovered that giving makes people happier than getting, or as our grandmothers said, it really is 'more blessed to give than to receive'.

I wish you the very best, including a long & satisfying life, filled with the memories whose pain will fade in time, leaving only a sweet joy.

    Bookmark   July 29, 2014 at 1:53PM
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johnnevi, I am so sorry for your loss and for everyone's loss. :( I lost my husband at the end of July the same way you did-a stroke. It has been devastating to say the least but we must go on for our children. Our husbands would want us to. sylviatexas, you have some great advice and beautiful words. I have tried to stay busy and I have joined the gym to get myself moving. It helps but let's just say I fall apart when I need to but I also have been trying to take care of myself and the children. They are both in counseling and I have gone as well. It has helped but it is so overwhelming-the legal matters, just getting out of bed. My heart goes out to you and your boys. Take care and know that you WILL get stronger everyday.

This post was edited by Paulsgigi on Wed, Oct 22, 14 at 15:07

    Bookmark   October 22, 2014 at 2:55PM
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